my feelings for her - Love Forum

nitrousmc · #1 (**permalink**) 25-09-07, 07:43 AM

hey guys this is a poem i wrote for a girl that i really like and id like someone to help me make it better if you could and i want a few more lines or so that if u read and pay attention will actuali ask her out

here it goes...

Some say perfection is unattainable
but when i met u i felt sumfin unexplainable
in your arms and with your hearts affection
I have found d gurl ov total perfection
with ur blue eyes and long blonde hair
a perfect match like this is vary rare
a day doesnt pass without me thinking ov u
i think i love you and this is true

since the day we met ur face just gleams
i see u everware even in my dreams
when i close my eyes i see ur pritti face
when i open them up i just stair into space

gartlas · #2 (**permalink**) 25-09-07, 08:17 AM

no,no,no.Romantic poetry never ryhmes.It sounds corny and primary schoolish.Not to mention the your ryhmes are terrible anyway :p.try losing the badryhmes and fix the spelling lol.the sentiments good though. good luck with it. ( :

nitrousmc · #3 (**permalink**) 25-09-07, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gartlas

no,no,no.Romantic poetry never ryhmes.It sounds corny and primary schoolish.Not to mention the your ryhmes are terrible anyway :p.try losing the badryhmes and fix the spelling lol.the sentiments good though. good luck with it. ( :

im only 15 gimme a break haha and when i give it her i will make sure all the speelling is correct but that was just a draft ... and ive found loads of love poems that rhyme so they cant b that bad can they :s lol

gartlas · #4 (**permalink**) 25-09-07, 09:05 AM

lol,ur older than me,i was only 14 in august.top in english tho...as I said,good thoughts,all the right junk in it ( :

Promiscuousboy · #5 (**permalink**) 26-10-07, 08:01 AM

Your first four lines i thought was great! I'm stealing those! :p

miSSleepy · #6 (**permalink**) 26-10-07, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nitrousmc

Some say perfection is unattainable
but when i met you i felt something unexplainable
in your arms and with your heart's affection
I have found the girl of total perfection
with your blue eyes and long blonde hair
a perfect match like this is very rare
a day doesnt pass without me thinking of you
i think i love you and this is true

since the day we met your face just gleams
i see you everywhere even in my dreams
when i close my eyes i see your pretty face
when i open them up i just stare into space

The above is how your poem should be spelt. I'm taking into account you're 15, but most of your spelling mistakes were deliberate, like "ov, u, ur".

For a girl your age and coming from a guy (you) I think she'll be smitten (if she remotely likes you, which I'm guessing she does) so you could leave it as is. (unexplainable isn't a word though).

#7 (**permalink**) 30-10-07, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miSSleepy

(unexplainable isn't a word though).

yes it is.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/unexplainable

and if it wasn't, indescribable would be a substitute.

trishbaby · #8 (**permalink**) 10-01-08, 11:52 AM

Use words from the dictionary! Slang is not romantic or impressive.
With that being said it is cute!

kimpy26 · #9 (**permalink**) 16-01-08, 05:35 AM

that was so beautiful!

SunRiSer · #10 (**permalink**) 23-01-08, 03:20 AM

agree with gartlas
get rid of the rhymes in your next poem

miSSleepy · #11 (**permalink**) 23-01-08, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilwing

yes it is.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/unexplainable

and if it wasn't, indescribable would be a substitute.

isn't it inexplicable?

Egh ... I guess "commonest" is as of recently a word. It's the age of "let's find a word that sounds the dumberest and make it a word"

Liisa · #12 (**permalink**) 11-02-08, 02:21 PM

good luck, good luck, hope she is not too much to litarature