Retribution

[moeburn]

In the life I've lived, I never wanted to cause pain
to anyone, but I say these words in vain.
She's grown as angry as a furious storm sky,
So gather, friends, and prepare me for my sacrifice.

I am not proud; I require retribution
What happened to my last evolution?
See me standing naked in a pool of my bad blood
Brace yourselves, as the tears gather to a flood:

The thief was born before you knew
I've got nothing left to prove
You will die before you wake
This must be more than you could take.

Even in his youth, he was nothing.
He kept his conscience clean, going nowhere.
His name was disgraced, what could he do?
Even in his youth, he was nothing.

I've got more to throw at you,
and you won't know what to do.
Because you died before you woke,
the love that was there, was just a joke.

[Joe_Watson]

Did you write that yourself? That was great, man! Seriously, that was really very deep and thought provoking. Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed reading that. Wow, it even rhymes... Pretty damn good, man.

[moeburn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe_Watson

Did you write that yourself? That was great, man! Seriously, that was really very deep and thought provoking. Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed reading that. Wow, it even rhymes... Pretty damn good, man.

I must confess, I stole the 'Even in his youth' bit and changed it a little. Other than that, yeah, its mine. Its about how I was a jerk to a friend of mine, and I'm not proud of it, but there's more to it than it just being my fault.

[bohemiandonut]

It's rather repetitive, but decent nonetheless.

I don't understand the "died before you woke bit." What is the "death" you speak of? And what is the awakening? You're too vague for anyone to really grasp that symbolism.

I see potential though, keep writing. Never stop.

Peace.

[moeburn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bohemiandonut

It's rather repetitive, but decent nonetheless.

I don't understand the "died before you woke bit." What is the "death" you speak of? And what is the awakening? You're too vague for anyone to really grasp that symbolism.

I see potential though, keep writing. Never stop.

Peace.

It's not meant to please anyone, it's for me

You will die before you wake. You will destroy everything before you realise what you're doing. You will turn on yourself, on all your friends, you will hate me and everything, before you become enlightened.

[King of King]

nice peom. I have first seen such wonderful masterpiece