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Quote of the month: "Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? " ~ Richard Bach

 

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Old 12-08-05, 10:58 AM
Abraxxas Abraxxas is offline
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I "LOVE" work sometimes...
Some days my mind runs
...a problem of mine
I cant shut the brain off
as hard as I try

Headaches at work
always add to the fun
can I make it tomorrow?
without bringing a ...?

Heat in a friendship
lurks in the dark
a constant reminder
fire starts with a spark

Some things just need time
they work themselves out
but thinking about it
just brings up more doubt

The more that you think
the more you create
something so simple
can push you to break

Wouldnt it be nice
to be built with a "switch"
to turn off the "mixer"
without some small "hitch"

Just let your mind rest
without all the racket
in a "tailored to fit"
little "mental straight jacket"

Ive made it before
and I'll make it again...
"but what if now's different?"
he says with a grin...

My mind has some issues
he taunts me for fun
he pushes my buttons
now... where is that...

Does a sarcastic "I love work" poem fit in this forum? Just a rant here, last few weeks at work have been hell on wheels, if it can go wrong it will... and it'll bring friends... you know Anyways, just some creative venting after another LONG day. There is light at the end of the tunnel I think... I can... almost... see... Anyways, delete this if it dont fit the "love poetry" departments standards... its the best I can do today!!

Last edited by Abraxxas : 12-08-05 at 11:05 AM.
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Old 12-08-05, 02:14 PM
RSK RSK is offline
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Cyborg - do us ALL a favour and DELETE this crap Poem from our collection!

lol - i'm just kidding. I actually enjoyed it. Nice work.

without being a bum! (an idea for 2nd paragraph)

the poem kind of ends nowhere though, kind of blurry - but you must have done it on purpose for added effect! nice job

i like the use of foreshadow about headaches at work

usually poems are kept to the same stanza, but you keep switching, but it adds to the effect of confusion within you

It's no Shakespear for sure, but it earns a spot on this forum, Well Done!

If I were to grade your work, I'd give 88%, B+

There's always room for extra credit, if you want that A though. lol.
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Old 12-08-05, 10:29 PM
Abraxxas Abraxxas is offline
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Thanks for the insight and comments RSK, the ... in stanza 2 replaces the word "gun", as well is in the last stanza without actually saying it. Fun to see who figures that out and who dont.
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Old 13-08-05, 01:15 AM
RSK RSK is offline
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Wow, your poem is more classy than i thought, you get an A+,

That 'gun' idea was great! I don't know How I missed it. When I re-read it, it made complete sense, and the poem left me fulfilled (like any good poem) at the end. But i did feel a bit uneasy - maybe you should take some time off from work.

anyway, hope things are great, and pleaes don't kill yourself (lol)

and who is that guy that taunts you for fun? let me and the others know, we'll give you some advice on what to do! hang in there bud - you sound like a nice regular joe to me, the kind i'd like to have on my pickup basketball team or something.

Take Care, and hope to hear from you soon,

RK
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Old 13-08-05, 06:55 AM
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Hey, Abrax -- Reminds me of something Tom Waits might say.
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Old 13-08-05, 10:05 AM
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http://www.nyrock.com/interviews/waits_int.htm
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Old 13-08-05, 05:16 PM
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I did not read the poem but man...I sure do hate work.
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