Originally Posted by lilwing89
but hey do you understand what im saying in the poem i want some feedback! im trying to become a good poetic writer!
Expressive enough. I'd tighten up the imagery up a little if it were me. (Check out some of Tom Waits' lyrics. Analyze what he's doing. Fer example: "I've lost my car keys, my equilibrium, and my pride/The tattoo parlor looks warm, so I hustle there inside/The grinding of the buzzsaw, "What'cha want that thing to say?"/I say, "Don't mis-spell her name, man. She's the one that got away." Whole story plus the backbeat in four friggin' lines.)
As to what you're saying, all I hear is someone reacting against the opinions of others. Don't let the bastards get you down. When you're passed that, the poetry of celebration can happen. If you haven't already, try reading Naked Lunch. If you have, read it again.
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