Why are females affraid of relationships with friends ? - Love Forum

RaZ · #1 (**permalink**) 26-09-05, 09:19 PM

Here is my story:
I am in love with my best friend. I have known her for 8 years.A few months ago i fell in love with her. I tried to get close to her: i tried to make her happy, to laugh, to smile, to feel safe, to please her, to slowly show her what i feel. And i succeded, she was very happy these months. We saw each other allmost every day.She doesn't have a boyfriend. She is very delicate and you have to know her very well to make her happy.Eventually i told her what i feel for her. he said that she sees me as her best friend and nothing more.
All i wanted was a simple chance... like every other guy gets when asks her out on a date. I don't expect her to love me just after i told her i loved her. I want a chance to prove my feeings for her, to be able to really show her what i feel..I cannot do this by beeing just her friend...And after that if i deserve maybe her heart will open for me.. You see...she had all kinds of boyfrinds. All cheated on her, made her sad, left her in the middle of the night, while it was raining, alone and crying to go to her home all by herself. SHe was the one who ended up hurt. I don't want to see her like that, i want to protect her and i did, i made her feel safe, made her laugh, enjoy every moment with me... I neglected everything to be able to learn new things about her, to know how to make her happy. She had all my attetion. She ends up hurt with these guys because when she sees one that she thinks he is good looking she immediatly falls in love with them. It doesn't matter how he behaves with her, if he looks good she love him... And by the way she told me that i look good and that i have GOLD properties....but we are friends and this is impossible. The thing with friends is all that she doesn't like. She is very vulnerable and needs a lot of attention. I can give her everything she wants, but she doesn't like the fact that i am her friend SHe know that i can, she knows that i can love her very much and thats why she told me some bad things that she didn't meant. She recongnised after that. I know that if you love a person you should want her to be happy even if that means for her to be with someone else. Years ago i loved someone else but i wasn't able to "offer" her anything. I made her laugh but nothing more..I undestanded that she would be better without me... But this time i can do something for this girl... And i don't know how but always when something bad happens to her i am the one near to her and there's no one else...
Anyway i told her i would never talk to her about this thing unless she wants to and that if she ever changes her mind she knows where to find me..
But i can't stop thinking of her....
What do you think i should do ? Should i stop seeing her, force myself not no want to see her ? Should i continue to be there for her and maybe she will realise eventually that i deserve a chance ? Or maybe her heart will let me in even if she doesn't want to ?

sweetkiss4one · #2 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 05:24 AM

I don't think girls are afraid of having a relationship with a good friend of theirs. I think what it is more like, is that if you two are extremely great friends, most girls don't want to ruin a relationship with their best friend if the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship doesn't work.

You should let her know that you are always going to be there for her no matter what. Maybe she will come around and realize what a great guy you are!!!

Junsui · #3 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 05:29 AM

What she said

shh! · #4 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 05:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junsui

What she said

I agree with this post.

#5 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junsui

I love Tone.

I, too, agree with this post.

shh! · #6 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

I, too, agree with this post.

Haha - me too!

Junsui · #7 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 06:13 AM

lol How did you know?

#8 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 06:19 AM

Pardon?

_______________

Junsui · #9 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 06:36 AM

That's what I really meant to write instead of What she said

Asip4u · #10 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetkiss4one

You should let her know that you are always going to be there for her no matter what. Maybe she will come around and realize what a great guy you are!!!

That's a big maybe. The fact that he's by her side and helping her out while she's getting treated like crap by other guys should be enough for her to realize that hes a great guy. In certain cases, friends do become something more, and sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't. That's life, you just deal with it and move on. If she doesn't feel attracted to him, she shouldn't drag him along and waste his time, not to mention, make him feel pressured to help her, especially when he wants to take things further. True friendship is very rare when it comes to males and females so all that crap about not ruining the friendship is getting old. She's there not giving care in the world what he thinks as long as he gives her his shoulder when she needs it.

#11 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junsui

That's what I really meant to write instead of What she said

I'm not sure I follow you...

I hit the quote button, that's all.

Oh - I see you edited your original post... aww, so cute... she's a shy one everybody!

Junsui · #12 (**permalink**) 27-09-05, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

I'm not sure I follow you...

I hit the quote button, that's all.

Oh - I see you edited your original post... aww, so cute... she's a shy one everybody!

Thanks for the laugh.

#13 (**permalink**) 28-09-05, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

True friendship is very rare when it comes to males and females so all that crap about not ruining the friendship is getting old.

In my experience/observation, also true. Close friendships b/t males & females ALWAYS leads to love unless there is some barrier preventing it. Its a natural extension to caring about someone that deeply.

MVPlaya · #14 (**permalink**) 28-09-05, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetkiss4one

You should let her know that you are always going to be there for her no matter what. Maybe she will come around and realize what a great guy you are!!!

Oh **** no! Worst advice ever.

Haven't you tried that advice for 8 years now? And aren't you posting here for help because of it? You have better shit to do than be at the mercy of some random girl, especially for such an insanely long time.

MVPlaya · #15 (**permalink**) 28-09-05, 07:27 AM

Now that I've read the whole post. This girl can recognize you're "a great guy," but that still doesn't mean she's attracted to you. Recognizing you have a kind character is completely different from creating chemistry. You have already subjugated yourself to her, you'll do what she wants, always be there for her, are in love with her, and she hasn't earned it. It cheapens the value of your attraction to her, it cheapens the idea of having a relationship with you. Instead of being so needy & clingy, find something else to do. Hang out with your friends, meet different girls, when she wants to spend time with you, tell her you're busy and then hang out with her occasionally, not whenever she feels like it. Whenever you're with a girl, you have to make her earn the right to be hit on by you. Throwing yourself at her as a lovesick puppet does nothing but boost her ego and make you seem that much lower in relation to her. Act with self-dignity, and get her to reciprocate. Maybe this will end up with her not being interested, maybe she'll begin displaying an interest in you, but either way, its better than being the lovesick puppy at the mercy of her mood swings.

By the way, "she told me that i look good and that i have GOLD properties" means "you're a nice guy, you'll find someone great, but that someone is not me."

If you want to get with her, you have to be willing to risk losing her. If you're not willing to do that, you're going to have an emotionally depressing couple of months ahead of you.