I'm in love, but what is she doing?!?

[kinslayer]

The story isn't all that complicated really, though it has become a complex matter for myself, because of the feeling i have for her.

This summer, is met a girl through some friends who i started, 6-7 months ago, to hang out with alot. At this point, we share everything. I've been there for her many times. I was there to support her when she found out she was epeleptic, when her grandmother had a seizure and for all the times a former friend of her, that was madly in love with her, but whom she rejected, has been harrassing her..

With this i've gotten closer to her than anyone else, and i know that. And after a while i realized that i was falling in love with her, and since it was impossible to know if she felt anything as well, with her rather flirting general attitude i told her, straight up. She reacted as if she didn't know what she said, but i knew she hadn't given it much thought, and didn't have any feelings for me. So i decided to ignore that little fact, and be her friend as she had a lot to struggle with. But then, at a party about 2 months ago i walked up to her and gave her a hug, and as she hugged me back i started to kiss her on the neck, and to my surprise she lent back and enjoyed it. Later that evening we kissed for real. I was happy like never before, excited over what acctually just happened.

But the day after, we sat down and talked, and she said that she didn't think last night was a very good idea. I said it was okay, and what's done is done. And we didn't mention it again for quite some time. But then now, 4 1/2 weeks ago i started to kiss her on the neck again, and she lent back and enjoyed it again. I didn't try to kiss her though. And i did this a couple of times for about 2 weeks..

Now, around 2 weeks ago, i invited her over for a movie, and we were sitting in my bed chatting, when i hugged her and our lips met, and we kissed, for the second time. So there we were, both sober, so nothing to blame it on, in my bed kissing and making out for almost 2 hours. We didn't do much more, else than she let me kiss her breasts and she kissed me on the stomach etc.

But we've done this many many times since that first time, and everytime has seemed to been with more passion than the last time. For a moment, it really seems that there might be something more than just this. And she knows very well what i feel for her, i've told her before.

Now the complexity, and what hurts me is told. I've been asked from a few of our common friends who she likes, because obviously, she has said she is in love with someone to them, but refuses to say who. This surprised me, as she had never talked about it to me, so i decided to ask a close friend of her if she acctually could be in love with me?

The answer, hurt. Her friend wasn't certain, but was suspicious about her being in love with someone, but didn't want to say who. But she said, it wasn't me. BAM. Not good. Is she playing me?

I just have a hard time understanding, how she who is such a good friend of mine and i share everything with, could have this "secret relationship" with me, but then love someone else, obviously a distant love, since we are together very often, and i've never seen her with anyone else if you understand. I know this might sound fairly dumb of me, and i've being jealous and over reacting. But i'm really trying not to, and being nice to her about it.

But the fact is that this hurts my feelings, and i don't know what to do about it. I could never love someone, then use my best friend as a playdoll to satisfy my sexual desires. Because that is what i feel like right now, a playdoll.

Please, help me with some advice on howto deal with this. And remember, even though i really like this girl, more than i could ever imagine to begin with. If things doesn't work out the way i want to, i still want us to be friends. A good friend is hard to find, but way to easy to loose.

[again11]

She likes you very much, but to her she may spot someone else who she "thinks" may be the one so she doesn't want to blow that chance and keep her options open. I'm sorry to say but there is nothing much else you can do. What you can do is do the cold shoulder for a bit. She doesn't know what she has at the moment so if you toil with that at the moment she will realize what she is missing.

[grace]

its could be u she loves DUH. jUST SIT DOWN AND ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS, DONT MENTION YOURSELF THAT WILL PRESURE HER,(sory about caps )it souns like u 2 should try make it official. ask her what she wants and dont see her untill she tells u cause otherwise shes gonna be a head **** and u dont want that!

[kinslayer]

Thanks for both of your replies, and i will follow your advice. And ask her what she feels, even though the answer might not be what i'm looking for, at least they are answers. Though i do belive she acctually IS interessted in another guy. Just a few hours ago, she visited, but rejected be unlike all the other times when i tried to kiss her. Weird, i know. But still, we ended up just hugging and chatting for a looong time instead, kinda nice!

I'm visiting her tomorrow morning, for breakfast with her and her little sister (yeah, i'm kinda close with the family, as a friend, with all of them). If i find the time, i'll ask her gently. And see what see says, and take my steps carefully from there.

Love this forum btw, great place to have

[kinslayer]

Well, i guess i got my answer. However disapointing it is.

Last night, i were over at her house, and we decided after a while to take a walk
outside, just for fun. So after a while, we walked down to a spot we use to swim
at during summers, and sat down on a bench there. A great view from that place,
so we just sat there for a while admiring the sunset. And after a little while, we
kissed again. Was acctually very romantic as we sat there, she leaning towards me
and just looking at the beatiful view. And on the way back home, we held hands as i
followed her home.

But when i came home that same evening, i got a sms (yeah, wack) .. from her. There
she said she couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't keep kissing and cuddeling with
me all the time, when we were just friends. And in her 'world' friends didn't to that. She also said she was sorry if this made me confused and appoligized. And hoped
i could respect that. I didn't have any cash on my cell phone, so i called her up.

And being nice, i told her i understand and i respect her decission, no matter what
it might be. And told her that even what happens, the most imporant thing is that we
remain friends, regardless of what ever has happend. And i ment every single word of that. But still this gave me a creepy gut feeling, and hurt.

I guess i'll never know now, what could have been.. And i'll miss what we had.. but
she is still my very special friend, and i know she looks at me the same way. That
has to count for something.. i guess..

[emokid18]

I was in a situation very similar to yours. Me and this friend would have a great time being friends. We dated a few times and we were off and on for three years. We did not start off as friends though. We started by being hooked up through friends and we went together for three months and then she broke up with me. She said she wanted to be friends, but a week after we broke up she said that she never wanted to talk to me again (by the way, I didn't do anything to her to make her hate me). Maybe a few months later I gave her a call and she was suprised to hear from me but she didn't resist. I started calling her regularly and we bacame the best of friends with these moments of making out, etc. But, we both saw other people. Whenever the both of us weren't seeing anyone we would hook up. After three years of off and on, we decided to date officially. We went out for about a month and not only did she dump me, she also cheated on me with I believed more than one guy. I was very depressed and very hurt. We decided to remain friends but we weren't as close and it hurt. Then about a month after we broke up, she got into the wrong crowd and started dating this druggie that was at least four years older than her and worked as a pizza delivery boy. She started doing drugs and ignored me tottally. Not only did I lose a girlfriend that I loved very much, I also lost my bestfriend. Now I refuse to date my bestfriend because of the fear of losing them. Well, I suppose I would date my bestfriend but I would never jump into it. I would stay friends with that person as long as I could. That is my take on it.