Thread: The departure of my ex.

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I really choke at that moment.. as a guy... i have to hold back my tears...
Me: It is all over in the past... anyway u still have me as a friend...now take a rest k...
She: Can i have a request?....
Me: Sure... as long as it is within my means.. i will do anything for u..
She: Serious?...
Me: A promise is a promise... i will nt break it..
She: Hmm... will u still visit me when i am gone...
Me: Dun say that( this time.. my tears just flow out...) u will be fine...
She: I know my own cdt better than anyone else...
Me: i promise u if that day come... i will visit u yearly with yr favourite roses and tulips...

Quickily i hold her hands when i told her that... it have been 2 years since i hold her hands ever since the break up.. it is so cold now.. nt even some warmth in it compared to the past... i hold it tightly.. doing my best giving her some warmth in it...

Her parents came back from dinner... Upoun seeing me... they leave quietly.. guess they want us to spent more time together... At this pt of time.. i am doing my best nt to be too emotional really though i am on the verge of breaking down..

She looked at me tenderly...
She: Dear.. do take a rest... u r very tired le... look at u... nt enough sleep already...
Me: No worries... i am nt tired... u sleep first.. i will be by yr side...
Soon she dozed off. When i saw her sleeping peacefully.. i have an sudden impulse to kiss her on the forehead... but i dun dare... after all she is nt my gf anymore... At times it is really an agony to hold back our emotions... Frankly speaking...i am very tired but i dun dare to doze off... cos i am afraid that i will nt be able to respond quickily if she need help...(she is too weak to move around)

The nurse came in to take her blood pressure and she stirred..
She: Dear... do take yr dinner...u have nt eaten much today.. and go hm if u r too tired...
Me: it is k.. me nt hungry.. on diet mah..
She: i am sorry that i am such a burden to u..
Me: Pls dun feel that way... u r my friend... and i will take care of u...

To be continued...

Part 3
She: only as a friend?..
Me: u shd know my feelings for u... but i know i am nt the ultimate choice for u...
She: sorry...for being selfish...
Me: nt yr fault... there is no rite or wrong where feelings are concerned..
She: Thanks... i never regretted having u as my bf...
Me: hang on.. let me flip the pillow case for u..
Gently i do that and withdraw my hands from her... I am an conversative person ba.. always believe that i can hold the hands of my gf... nt to mention my mum and sis...
She: can u hold my hands?..
Me: Nt very nice... as i am nt yr bf anymore..
She: Just hold it..
And i agreed... hold her hands tightly throughout the nite.. i hold them tightly... and finally overwhelmed with tiredness. i fall asleep...

That nite...i can still remember is the most unforgettable nite i have... having a chance to hold her hands is somthing i never dared to dream of ever since the break up..

Part:4

The next few days as per normal.. i took care of her.. knowing that she may passed away anytime... i really cherish every single moment with her... Her blood cancer has reached the terminal stage and nothing much can be done. Her doctor tell us to be mentally prepared and tell us to do whatever we can do for her...

She: i really miss him....
Me: Give me his mobile no.. i will call him.. ( Bros.. trust me.. i really feel rotten when i know she still miss him.. but i told myself.. that i will respect whatever feelings she have for him)

Quickily i left the ward and called him downstairs..

Me: hello.. may i speak to Eric
Eric: Speaking... who r u?..
Me: i am yr gf ex..
Eric: what is up.. make it fast... i am very busy..
Me: can u visit her.. she is very sick.. will pass away anytime...
Eric: What is the big deal?.. many people passed away everyday.
Me: Knn! ( me damn hot when i hear this irresponsible remark from him) Dun u
think u have the responsibilty to take care of her since she is yr gf!!!!!
Eric: i have no time for any sick birds!!! to me.. i am sick of her liao!!! u can
have her if u want her...
That bastard just hung up after that...

Me so angry and helpless after i heard that.. what am i going to explain to her... really caught in a fix now.. obviously that bastard is only toying aroud with her and will nt care a damm abt her...

Sadly.. i went back to the ward...putting up a cheerful front...

She: how is it?..
Me: Hmmn... he is really busy with his work..
She: Dun try to comfort me.. he is nt coming rite... i know it...
Me: He may nt cherish u... but u still have me who love u the way u r....
( This time.. i managed to summon all my courage and confess to her my
feelings for her)..
She: She choked... i know...

To be continued.. Names has been changed to protect the people... though i really hated that bastard to the core!

Tears start to flow again... Again.. i cant seem to suppress from being emotional again.. i hold her hand tightly...

She: Am i very ugly now?..
Me: Nope... in my heart... u r still as beauitful as ever..( all these times.. we aviod to let her use the mirror as we are fearful that she wiill be depressed when she c her looks.. She has lost most of her hair due to the chemo sessions)
She: Do u regret loving me?...
Me: Of course not... even if the clock turn back... i would nt regret loving u...
i will still choose to marry u at all costs... u r the only girl whom i love...
She: Thanks....

Our eyes met each other at that moment... I lean forward and kissed her gently on her forehead.. These few days.. her cdt is getting worst... as she is in great pain... It is really an agony to c her life fading away every single moment... How i wish i can take her place of suffering!..

Doc: She is in great pain... we have to inject her with morphine... that is the
only way to ease her pain now..
Her Dad: k then since there is no other ways... how much more time does
she have?..
Doc: nt much time left... within 48 hours...

I was shocked when i heard that... Her parents and her younger sis begin to cry when the truth was known.. My mind was completely blank...nt knowing what to do.. i simply broke down too... I need to be strong! 48 hours left... i will do everthing to ensure that she leave in a peaceful way...

Ring...
Me: hello
Boss: There is a very important meeting 2mr.. die die u must attend it.
Me: i am very busy...taking care of her.. she is dying soon..
Boss: i understand yr situation.. but u really have to attend the meeting. After the meeting.. i will release u.. Btw.. after u have tend to yr personal issues... i hope that u will put in yr full effort in yr sales...
Me: k...i will...

Brushing away my tears... i went back to her bedside.. Morphine has been injected and she is sleeping peacefully.. I sit beside her and watch out for any groaning from her... Holding her hands... the past memories start to flick back to me...

Me: Open yr eyes... i slowly presented the bouquet of roses to her...
She: Wow so nice... my favourite roses?.. y the roses so small?..
Me: These are baby roses... very cute and sweet... in my eyes..u r always my baby too...
She: Dear... thank you but dun waste money on roses again... have to save up for our marriage mah...
Me: Nope.. anything that can please u is nt really considered a waste...it is worth it..
She linked her arm in me... and happily we proceed to the discussion of our wedding plans...

She stirred...
Me: r u k?..
She:k...
I then wipe her dry lips wtih a wet cloth as it is very dry..
She: dun leave me...
Me: i will nt leave u... dun worry... u sleep k...

Once she is alseep.. i make a fast trip home to collect my office wear and my stuff as i decided to go back to office straight from the hospital..

Part:6
On the way back to the hospital.. i received a phone call from my collague..

Me: Hello
Shirleen: R u busy?... just called to inform u... 2mr u have to have come back for meeting
Me: i know... though i have a gd mind nt to go back..
Shirleen: Nope... u have to come back.. they r marking u already..
Me: let them mark if they want... when i was making money for the company..
they treat u like kings... now i dun care already... nothing matters more to me than her..
Shirleen: U r really committed to her...
Me: cant tok now... reaching hospital soon...

I managed to buy her favourite roses b4 i visit.. At times.. i really run out of ideas of what flowers to buy for her... My ex love roses and tulips alot... Buying these would cheer her up alot...

She was still sleeping when i reached there.. Her parents is by her side..
Aunite: u r back..
Me: have to collect some stuff... Aunite.. 2mr i have to rush back to office.. but after the meeting.. i will rush back here... 2nite.. i will stay and accompany her..
Aunite: me dunno what to say.. Thank you so much for yr time in taking care of her...
Me: Pls dun say that...

All these while... i am struggling with myself and mentally prepared for the worst... I put my heart and soul in taking care of her... Her parents left for dinner when i am here...

Aunite: Need us to tapo anything for u?..
Me: it is k... thanks cos i am nt hungry..
Aunite: u have to eat something even though u r nt hungry... if nt u would nt have enough strength to take care of her...
Me: k then.. just some sandwiches will do and a cup of coffee please...

I then sat beside her... she has been sleeping soundly ever since under the influence of morphine...

She: Dear...
Me: do u like the roses..
She: Yup... I only want u by my side tonite..
Me: k... i will... knowing that this may be the last nite i can have her by my side and so we really cherish each other...

To be continued...

Part 7:

That nite itself is cold and i was alone with her... as she told her parents that she just want to be alone with me.. Time to us is very precious... every mintue and second counts... How i wish that time would be frozen at that point of time.... That Heaven can give us more than 48 hours... more 48 hours to come in the days to come... but i know it is impossible...

She: did u still have our wedding bands with u...
Me: of course... it is always with me...
She: can u put the wedding ring on me...
Me: I choke... Sure... gently i put the rings on her fingers... With that i will never leave u....
She: let me put on the rings for u...

I have mixed feelings at that moment... this moment of life is what i have been waiting for years... and now it is here... it is abit 2 late... that she is leaving me so soon... But at least.. this dream of mine can be fullfilled...
She lean aganist me and i hug her gently... as both of us are tearing in the arms of each other... She soon fall asleep again and as usual i keep myself awake...

To be continued...

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Part 8:

Soon it was time to go for the meeting... me really cant bear to leave her at any moment... Kissing her gently on her forehead and covering her well with a blanket... i headed off quickily to the office.. Before i left.. i told her mum to keep me updated with any latest developments.. My mobile will be on at all times( Usually i off my mobile when i am having meetings).

After receiving the bad news... i was in the taxi.. trembling...rushing off to the hospital... pls hang on... i told myself.... Finally after what seem to be a long journey... i finally reached the hospital again... Running at top speed.. i reached the ward... her loved ones are by the bedside.... she is still barely awake...

Me: Dear i am here..
She: Remember what u promised me...
Me: i will nt break my promise...
Very weakly she closed her eyes...

The end is coming... i can c the light slowing fading away from her eyes.... and with a smile on her face... she left us.... I tried my best to hold back my tears and breaking down but i cant seem to bear it any longer.... kneeling down at her bedside... i cried and hold her hands... the doc came and certified her death.... Though i must say that i am mentally prepared for the outcome.. but i am really overwhelmed with sadness when it happened...

I have to be strong.. i told myself... cos i need to accompany during the wake.... and so i applied for 4 days of unpaid leave though my boss sounded really unhappy... Just 4 more days and i will resume my work.. i told him and hung up the phone... Her parents dressed her up with beauitful clothes.. and her makeup is nice... the final touch...

Finally the time have come for her to put her body into the icy cold coffin...Guys... my heart is breaking in half when i c that.... that is the last time i can hold her again....... but what will come has to come...Whelter i like it or nt.. i have to accept the truth that she is already gone..