Depression post marriage
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    Depression post marriage

    Folks,

    I loved a woman who was close to my heart and we were in relationship for 3 yrs but last year my parents tourchered and abused me & married me to girl of their choice in very unconventional manner.

    Life after marriage was even tough as my wife came to know every thing about my past & she started questioning my character now and then, forced me to do things and behave as she wanted and that led to disputes and arguments between us many times.

    The woman I wanted to marry, also married last year to someone else, though today my wife and my parents still hate her, they have fear that she will come back to my life.

    My Parents and rest of the family do not even talk or keep any relation with me anymore. My wife stayed with her parents after marriage & worked there but she doesn't even bother to ask me for any help emotionally or financially, she depends on me for every single expense and rather prefers to help her parents.

    After lots of hurdles, I applied for her visa and she is coming to US very soon to join me here. I do not want to cheat my wife but I am not happy with her either, my mind has been so unstable lately, but since she has support of her parents so as my parents, I see myself helpless every moment.

    My life has become so woeful that every day I realize if I had backed myself that moment, I would have been with woman of my choice and my world would have been different.

    Please help and share your two cents.
    Thanks

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dav123 View Post
    Folks,

    I loved a woman who was close to my heart and we were in relationship for 3 yrs but last year my parents tourchered and abused me & married me to girl of their choice in very unconventional manner.

    Life after marriage was even tough as my wife came to know every thing about my past & she started questioning my character now and then, forced me to do things and behave as she wanted and that led to disputes and arguments between us many times.

    The woman I wanted to marry, also married last year to someone else, though today my wife and my parents still hate her, they have fear that she will come back to my life.

    My Parents and rest of the family do not even talk or keep any relation with me anymore. My wife stayed with her parents after marriage & worked there but she doesn't even bother to ask me for any help emotionally or financially, she depends on me for every single expense and rather prefers to help her parents.

    After lots of hurdles, I applied for her visa and she is coming to US very soon to join me here. I do not want to cheat my wife but I am not happy with her either, my mind has been so unstable lately, but since she has support of her parents so as my parents, I see myself helpless every moment.

    My life has become so woeful that every day I realize if I had backed myself that moment, I would have been with woman of my choice and my world would have been different.

    Please help and share your two cents.
    Thanks
    Hi @Dav123

    I've seen this happen in my culture so many times and it's a real tragedy. Rather than it being about the couple themselves and being truly happy, other factors come into play and in the end, the couple lose out big time...

    Anyway, when couples are unhappy and have made the wrong choice, it doesn't just affect the two of them, it has a much wider impact. In particular, if children are involved, then it impacts them as their role models for love are not a good one and can have profound impacts on their emotional well-being long term.

    I know there is a lot at stake here but if you are simply not in love with this woman and you know deep inside that she isn't the one, then you need to do both of you a favour and step away from the marriage. I know it will be extremely painful but as long as you live in a situation you hate, then you will only continue to deteriorate as a person. Your happiness levels will subside massively and the pain you feel will continue to grow and grow. I know i'm painting a bad picture here but as long as you are not interested in her, then it will be unlikely you will put the effort in to make it work.

    A question I have is - how much do you know this woman? Have you spent any quality time with her? Is there any potential at all? If there is some potential, then there are some steps you can take to grow the marriage but it all boils down to how much you want to. If you know in your heart that she isn't the right one, then you need to start planning for the future.

    Thanks

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    Hi Shrah25,

    Thank you for your kind response, Ever since our marriage, we managed to spend barely 15-20 days together, however majority of our time was spent either on phone or emails, She got angry and frustrated many times when things didn't fall in her favor and she insulted me in very harsh manner many times, she even many times threatened me to commit suicide as well, All these things are known to my in-laws & My parents but her parents are helpless and for my parents, their ego and pride at stake in the society, neither family willing to support me in any way.

    She has been kind and loving at times, but when it comes to situation of financial matter or expenses, she doesn't even bother to ask for any help, instead she is working and earning good money and prefers to help her parents and family. Few times we had disputes because of this and from there on I decided to take care of her all expenses because i hate arguments.

    Honestly speaking, the situation in which this marriage took place, the behavior and attitude of my parents and family towards me during and after marriage, has left big impression on my mind and top of that nature and language of my wife towards me, I feel i have lost my life. I do not love my wife and i think she understands that too in many ways, but she is very stubborn & wants to come to US and live with me. She has noticed how my parents handled me and probably she has found the trick to get control over me. I do not want to cheat her anyway or spoil her future, I want to see her happy but probably I am not the right person who can give her everything.

    Memories of my ex woman is still in my heart and every time I think about how my parents and my wife have treated me, I cry and feel very sad for myself and wonder how one crucial decision of life can change the entire life of person.

    Thanks again !

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