I feel like im just in his way
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Thread: I feel like im just in his way

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    I feel like im just in his way

    My husband and i have been married for two years. We had a rocky start as we lived at our relatives whom he was very close with so i often had to fight for a bit of quality just me and him time. When we moved out it was as if we had just got married again. However the quality time thing didn't change. He is very ambitious and has been trying to set up a business from when we were dating and i was 100% supporting him. I haven't stopped its just that now all my attempts to help are just not to his standards. I feel so worthless. Im looking back at our two years and thinking 'what on earth have we done?' Im so bored and i have been a long time. Its always been me suggesting outings (that differ from dinner and a movie) and he has either declined (80%) or been miserable while we have gone(20%). He has been in and out of jobs but i have always saved 50 or so for special nights like valentines day or birthdays and even when he has had jobs theres been no input. It all goes to the business. I have been longing for a cheap vacation and wanted to go for our anniversary so we decided to save what we could but a month before he decided we didn't have the money.
    He doesn't desire me, doesn't respect my words or opinions, he doesn't want to invest in the marriage until maybe when the business is up and running but i have told him we need to balance everything otherwise we will have a business and no love for each other.
    I have sent naughty texts, cute texts, bought games, dressed up but the only effort he gives is putting on a movie over dinner once a week. At first that was fine as we didn't have money but im so bored of it now. I want to go camping, visit another town, go mountain climbing, go to the theatre, go abroad, dance classes, be surprised, be wooed, DO STUFF. Make memories because looking back its mostly been me begging for something and him miserably going along with it.. I know once we have children we won't ever get this time back where we can have fun without worrying if the kids r ok etc..

    This week i wanted to suggest having a bbq but he has been is a good flow with work and i feel like asking for something that he isn't quite up for is going to annoy him.

    I feel like just backing away and letting go of the desires to have a fun, loved up marriage. Maybe i just have to accept that he is just a sex buddy that i live with and will some day have children with.

    What do i do? What can i suggest to him?

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    You both may take help from the financial advisor. Consulting an expert may help you on how to invest your money in the business and where to save it for yourself. One of friend also faced the same situation. She, along with her husband consulted an attorney, Bechara Tarabay (36avocats.com/annuaire/bechara-tarabay) so that he helps her clear out the mutual differences related to money.

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    Cool

    Maximum a-hole "mate" if you have no life whatsoever, and therefore need to resort to stalking me on forums!

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    Create your own website & blog! No programming knowledge required!
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    So let's review some admissions from Peter himself about his mistreatment of female social workers, shall we?

    "Anyway, in more recent years, I lost two females due to accidentally crossing the thin line between a client and care worker. One was a Latino woman, from Spain. She was my 'key worker' and at first. she was really nice and had a good smile, nice personality and etc. They took the first lady off my team, for asking her on a date, then lied after promising me more shifts. This was after I was being used by the girlfriend I eventually found after nearly 7 years. So anyhow, they did give me one shift with her again but then started to lie and because I suspected this, I talked about her on Facebook once and they banned me from working with her."
    Source: dealingwithdepression[DOT]co.uk/showthread.php?10472-My-heart-has-been-crushed-by-my-caregivers

    So basically he asked out a professional care worker on a date inappropriately then started talking about her on social media, most likely berating her for turning him down even though she was only supposed to be there for him in a professional capacity. Just one quick example of Peter crossing the line with the opposite gender. Let's take a look at a few more gems.

    "Around the same time period in late 2013, I had a crush on my key worker and then I leaked this out to a male worker I trusted. Well she was told this behind my back and then gave me a telling off one day once I slipped up, but before that she played games with me by saying she was moving to South America then later denied saying that."

    You can see Peter's attention to focus on strange details here, talking more about being lied to about some small comment than the fact that he once again crossed the line with a female social worker, even going as far as revealing this to one of her coworkers who clearly reported it because of ethical concerns. Meanwhile, Peter is here believing he's been wronged and lied to even though he has a pattern of doing this to women, to the point where he was jailed and these companies won't send women to work with him any more at all.

    "Months later, I went to jail for the first time in my life to be remanded before a court hearing after I contacted the women saying nasty things after at first being arrested for going nuts, after my ex key worker stood me up in front of others last July, and then I stalked one of the other women near her house in order to try to say sorry."

    Hmm, the pattern and story is starting to emerge here.

    "A few nights later, I was having a lunatic meltdown of sorts and contacted Joanna through her Facebook profile, telling her I wanted to have sex with a model from England. She said she would call the police, so I freaked out and went to her home, or rather, I went to hang around in her area. I told her a while back I got her address on 192.com and like Sara, she turned against me after having been sort of okay towards me for a long time. Since I emailed people my plan and I sounded suicidal, they got the police. Officers found me in the Granton area of Edinburgh just yards from her flat. They pretended to help me, then detained me for an interview, but later arrested me for stalking. I was bailed in court the next day, but then sent Sara similar messages and also made racist comments. I wound up arrested and remanded in prison for 2 weeks from 29 July up to 12 August. I was held in Saughton, in Edinburgh."
    Source: wrongplanet[DOT]net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=268075

    Wow! Some more admitted examples of this lunatic's way of thinking towards women. Remove this poster immediately so we can stop all of this.

    "Just to clear up some stuff - I did not assault Joanna or Sara. That day I broke the bottle, I hit another support worker who was with Sara in the street and she made Sara leave. I took that as interfering, plus my mindset at the time was pure anger.

    I really doubt I could carry on my support with that company as they all got some nasty emails and while they never responded, they probably think I was abusive. The reason I never gave up my flat sooner is because I know it would be 100% goodbye and I cannot stand people I care about being extracted from my life. Plus, flats like that are not easy to get into. The attraction nowadays is those female support workers.

    I just wanted my life back, with all the support workers I love and miss back in place. It is different if they one day leave and nobody could stop them deciding this, but I live in fear of that because I just wanted to make things right in case I never get the opportunity to show it was all a misunderstanding that could have been talked through. Maybe if I had never confessed to anyone I had feelings for Sara or Joanna, then they may not have known as I would have done my best to ensure my feelings would never shine through and I could have kept them bottled up, as it would have been a smart and professional thing to do instead of blurting out how I felt which was relationship suicide for us. I feel I have a big mouth and who is the one left being the fool when the smoke has cleared? Not those women, the other workers or the man who blabbed, but me!"

    Source: talkaboutmarriage[DOT]com/physical-mental-health-issues/232706-i-cannot-get-over-losing-my-support-workers-should-i-move-out-my-flat-4.html

    Well, there you have it. He even broke a bottle out of anger when dealing with this issue. A strong, self-admitted outline of Peter's abusivebehavior toward women. He still believes he never wronged these women and that he's been mistreated by social workers, a judge, and everyone who's tried to intervene to help him in a professional capacity. We need him removed from advice forums like this so he can focus on his own mental health. This man should not be here giving love advice to anybody. I believe we have made our case here very clearly.

    Remove Peter A (aka My Coffee Cup), the stalker and woman-abuser, so we can all carry on and hopefully he can get some help. He has refused to voluntarily stay off of the forum even after a ban. Time's up or relentless spamming shall ensue once more!


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