I'm going to do my best to make the post short, no promises though.
I'm 25, he's 30, we've been married for 2 1/2 yrs, and we dated for 2 years before getting married. I now realize (by now I mean like a year ago) my husband has 2 types of personality, one for the public/friends and the other one for the family. The public one is really friendly, outgoing, fun, hardworking guy, smart a dreamer with aspirations... the guy I dated for 2 years. After we got married, we started living together, obviously, but because of our low income, we started living with my parents (try not to judge this type of details, but the more general idea please); and now I'm starting to deal with his "family personality" the dry person that does not communicate, doesn't help, is lazy and a liar.
All those things he beautifully described when we were dating, of the type of family, house and job he wanted were just words, that's what he does, he talks but no action.
I now suffer, while debating with my mind "Am I exaggerating?, is this normal? Should I let it pass?" but I don't think is fair that I feel guilty for the things that he does.
I have communicated him all the thing that bothers me and/or that I will like to change (not all at the same time of course) But when I talk, he is just there nodding his head up and down, without really listening, or he just keeps watching TV, I'm literally being ignored. I work 10+ hours everyday M-F while he works 8-9 hrs 5 days a week and the rest of the day he spends in bed on his phone or in the living room watching TV, while there are thing to do at home. We both have the same career, which that is what I do, while he keep applying to whatever job is out there, non-related to our career, which is fine, as long as he is happy and can bring food to the table and more. He is lazy, he lets dirty dishes in the sink all day, which my parents end up cleaning!! That makes me so mad! So then, there's that, I'm mad all the time, he wonders why, but at night, even if I'm sleeping he will wake me up to have sex, like wtf dude? it's a Tuesday, I need to wake up at 5:30 am to go to work, you think I want to have sex at 1 am, just because you want to? AND my parent are right next door to us?? (we live in a small apt). He eats junk food all the time, in the beginning I made food for him, but never ate it (I'm a descent cook, believe me) therefor he has gained so much weight, is unbelievable. I want to have a healthy family, and with his condition, that's is not happening and he knows that. I'm not a fitness model, I'm chubby I'll admit, but I do workout and am vegetarian.
In the beginning I tried a lot to be the perfect wife, to be active and do things for him. But now, I don't feel like pushing him to do stuff, he needs to feel like doing it too! I feel like I have become an unmotivated person, I still work out, but I don't feel like cooking or doing house chores for him. I'm so disappointed.
I honestly don't understand him anymore, he acts like a single man, thinks like a single man, never thinks about including me in his plans or the consequences of his plans/action. Somehow he spent all of our savings! I've had to be in charge of most of our bills for a few times because he doesn't have the money (we are supposed to pay for the bills in our house, and that was my decision).
Like I have tried to communicate and establish a lifestyle of mature, married adults, but nothing seems to fit in his head. He wants me to be the smiling wife all the time, because in his head everything is fine.
what should I do people? Keep trying? if so, what else should I do? what are your advises? and if you were in this situation and think "I would breakup/divorce", what would you tell him, everything or just "we want different things?
Thank you so much for reading this and for taking your time to respond to me, if you choose to do so.