Parents want to buy me a house and much more

[Pears]

My parents talked to me and told me they wanted to buy me a house. I said NO. I'd rather make my own money and buy my own house. The reason is that if they buy me a house, it will be something they will use to guilt me into doing things for them.

My mom is trying to live though me because she didn't live her life the way she wanted. She told me that I HAVE TO get married within five years and that I HAVE TO have kids. I told her that's not my plan and she said, "So change it." I'm used to her saying things like that because I've heard it all my life with all matter of subjects. I just shrug it off.

I'm going to make my own money and buy my own house. Then I'll own it 100%. It will feel so good. I actually hate when my parents give me money. I don't want their money. My whole life, I've worked hard to save my parents money. I've gotten many scholarships for college. I don't ask for much at all, so they keep offering to give me money. How do I tell them that I don't want their money without sounding mean? My mom got upset once because she felt that I didn't need her anymore.

My parents try so hard to make me stay with them. My mom treats me as if I'm a small child, even though I'm 24. She won't let me near the stove when she's cooking. She'll scream at me, saying that the stove is hot and she doesn't want me to get burned. In turn, I never learned how to cook. I have to experiment in secret. When I'm crossing the street with her, she'll hold my hand and drag me back. When I drive myself anywhere that involves a highway, my mom will freak out and say that I shouldn't go because it's too dangerous. I had to lie to my mom many times that I'm only taking local roads.

I do have a younger sister, so it's not like I'm the only child. Still, my mom said that she's only protective because she has two kids. She said that if she had more, she wouldn't care about each one as much. Really strange and messed up, if you ask me.

I've been sheltered my whole life and college completely changed my life. Freedom never tasted so good. Now that I'm back at home and saving up for my own place, my big goal is to become independent.

That of course conflicts with my parents interests. They do not want me to be independent. They want me to be with them forever, which they have said everyday. They want me to be their child forever. How can I change that mindset? I've talked to them many times and said that I've grown and showed them that I can drive and do many other things, but still my mom will freak out when I try to do just about anything. It's been in vain.

Any suggestions on breaking free without being terrible and mean?

[tooxshort]

Are your parents really Americanized? Because I know that some Asian parents aren't willing to have sit-down talks with their kids.

However, you should tell them that you didn't go through all those years of schooling just to be taken care of by them. Tell them you feel that you want all your hard work to be worth something. Let them know that while you appreciate their offer, you want to gain your own self-worth by paving your own way.

I mean, really ... You got your MBA! If you were going to just let them buy you a house, why would you have even bothered, right? Let 'em know you wouldn't want all your education to be in vain.

Since I don't know your parents, I don't know if saying these things is a possibility ...

[Pears]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooxshort

Are your parents really Americanized? Because I know that some Asian parents aren't willing to have sit-down talks with their kids.

They are not Americanized. Half the time when I talk to them, they are half listening. It's extremely hard to get them to listen.

You're right about the MBA thing. I did it for myself so I can buy myself a house.

[Gigabitch]

Those people need to get some foster kids, and fast. Jeeze Louise, you're a grown woman, not a toddler!

And let me guess, your new house will be right next door to them, right? Just like in My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding.

[Pears]

I do not want my house to be next door! At least a mile away!!!

Any suggestions for breaking it to them nicely?

[Gigabitch]

Try to make it as emotion-free as possible. Make it about the facts.

[tooxshort]

Yeah, that's the thing with Asian parents ... their paths were set by their parents and they want your path to be set by them ... You have to find a way to tell them that the way they grew up is different from how you grew up .... yikes ... Asian parents ... I really don't know though.

[Pears]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooxshort

You have to find a way to tell them that the way they grew up is different from how you grew up .... yikes ... Asian parents ... I really don't know though.

Yeah I tried that. They weren't convinced. When I did that, my dad brought up white families he knew in the country who were very traditional too. Then he said, "See? Even Americans do these things."

[tooxshort]

How about this? Did your mom and dad have their parents pay for their home or financially support them? If not, then you can use that against them and kiss their asses at the same time.

Like, "I really want to be independent like you guys!"

[Gigabitch]

Get a good-paying job first.

[Kiechi]

Pears is AZN?

[Pears]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiechi

Pears is AZN?

As Asian as you are.

[Pears]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooxshort

How about this? Did your mom and dad have their parents pay for their home or financially support them? If not, then you can use that against them and kiss their asses at the same time.

Like, "I really want to be independent like you guys!"

That's a good idea.

[Kiechi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pears

As Asian as you are.

You're a halfie too?

[Pears]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiechi

You're a halfie too?

Nah, just kidding.