My Darling,

Let me formally introduce myself. I am Tentmaker The Magnificient, a legendary Warlock in whose presence even the gods do tremble, and you are a fine Lady in waiting. You need wait no longer. Your Knight is here to carry you away on his Mighty Steed. My Castle is yon, and its gold-gilt bed is prepared for us. The servants await you, and they have been instructed that you are Me Lady, Co-Ruler of my Realm. We must make haste. My desire for MY Lady is running over, and a silvery stream it is forming in my wake. Come My Lady, let us be off, NOW.

Its not Hayward either, I'm certain. He would be insulted that we thought he wrote that badly.

You are worth coming out of retirement for, shorty.