Been a long time for this thread to be updated, but i think i will start updating weekly again.

Horoscopes For Today: 10/1/2004
You were sleepwalking, but that long march is over. Now you're awake and ready for the world on its own terms. The pace picks up as you break into a run. This is familiar physical territory. You're used to living life at this speed. The tactics that led you to previous victories are back in play. Whether you're gearing up for business or pleasure, by tonight you'll be red-hot and ready to take the town by storm. Your date won't be able to resist you. Even your best friends will wonder at your transformation.

I know most of you know what's going on in my life lately and if you have been following my posts you should know the decision that I made last night. Well, upon awakening this morning I've changed my mind and I know what I want. Elena. And today is gonna be the day I let her know this and today is gonna be the day i tell her to make a choice. I've made mine, and i know what i want. Does she want me, or does she not.

Today is, like the stupid thing said, a new beginning.

*Weekly updates will be held each Friday from now on.

__________________
Yeah... That's right.

-Billy

Horoscopes For Today: 10/4/2004
Your feelings toward others are more fraternal than romantic. Take advantage of every possible chance to get your point across as the stars send an extra zap to your communication skills. This is a perfect time for a clearheaded talk about a relationship. Holding the floor is much easier for you in the next couple days than it is normally. However, be sure not to fall in love with the sound of your own voice: Listen as well as you speak.

**** doing it on Fridays. I'll update when i feel like it.

Ok, well after spending time with Sarah on Saturday, and a day like yesterday with Elena, and time to think to myself at the beach and a restless night of nothing but thinking... I believe I know what has to be done.

I'm going to go with Sarah and go back to school. She told me about these pale grants or something for single parents. Well, this has definately struck the right cord with me. I'm gonna do some research on this and talk to some people at my local community college (San Jacinto College). I really need to get a better education to get a better paying job. And maybe even a job in the field i want to be in. More research is needed.

I also believe that i will remain single and I'll just go with the flow of things. After spending time with Elena yesterday I came to that conclusion. We had alot fo fun together, like always. But i want close to her at all. For some reason when i looked at her, I saw her for who she was; my friend. I didn't see a potential g/f or anything. Its weird for me, but i cant explain it. I never once held her hand, or tried to kiss her, or even held her at all. We were just there hanging out and having fun.

Last night, while I couldn't sleep, I believe I started a good routine to get into. I'm sore as a mofo because of it, but in time the benefits will be well worth it. I did 250 sit ups - not crunches - I'm talking full out sit ups hands behind head, head to the floor, knees to chest. I did these 50 at a time with about 30 seconds to a minute in between reps.

Last week, during yet aNOTHER night I couldn't sleep I wrote down all my expenses - even the ones my dad pays for me. I put down things that I know I dont have right now, bt I will have when i move out on my own again. I got it all down on paper so I can actually see where I stand and just how much help I really need and have right now. Turns out I dont make nearly as much money as I need to make to live the way I do. I found out my dad is helping me with more than I really imagined. Thats not including all the expenses that I already pay for, which is alot. I wont tell specific numbers, but I don't make enough to live. So I figured out that even with a roommate, I will BARELY be able to afford the way I am living now. And that means I either find a higher paying job, or I change my ways. Well, I don't want to change my ways. I like who I am. This is another part of the reason I am going to research this college thing at San Jac with Sarah. I might even stay at home with my dad for alot longer than I want to. I originally planned to be out of his house by the end of the summer of 04.. But its obviously past that and I still aint ready. So I pushed it back to jan/feb of 05.. But I seriously doubt I will be ready by then either. So the date is now pushed back indefintely. I'm not setting a date, because honestly, I dont know anymore. The older i get, the more these numbers make sense and the more i realise i dont have those kind of numbers....

But I have decided this much. Starting Jan of 05 I am going to start paying my dad some rent money. That way I can have some say so of what the hell goes on in at least my room. And that way if I ever happen to come across a g/f she will be able to stay the night sometimes and/or move in. But thats thinking too far ahead. I just want to be able to pay him something so I dont feel like such a damn burden and so I can get some control over my life and dont feel so much like a helpless kid.

Also another thing is about jobs. I talked to my dad yesterday about him getting me hired on over at his job, he told me he is still trying. I dont know what that means exactly. But i hope he is trying hard. If i was to get hired on over there I would be out of an office and back out into the heat doing manual labor, but i would be getting paid about double what I make now. AND the insurance is a hell of alot cheaper than it is here. 33% of my paychecks go to insurance right now. THATS the main thing thats killing me. That and i lost my second job last week.

So all in all, I believe I have it all figured out. Now its just time to make those first small steps that will eventually start the journey of the rest of my life. Sarah told me on Saturday that she is proud of me and how far I've come. She loves that I've had a job now for over 8 months and that I have insurance on my kids. She is happy for me that my life is finally getting back on track and I am actually doing something with myself. Thats when I said the best words ever that have really motivated me since i said them.

"Gotta start somewhere, right ?"

__________________
Yeah... That's right.

-Billy

It's been awhile since i've posted here... But here it is...

This is the most perfect song I've ever heard.

I just hear dit today for the first time ever. This is a song by Staind and it will be released in their next album "Chapter 5" on August 9th.

This song was released today to ONE radio station in the entire world by Staind themselves. Aaron and his band took over the local rock studio for 2 hours this morning and played some live songs and a few cd's of other bands they liked...

Then thats when they busted it out.. The only copy in the entire world of the newest single from Staind... "Right Here With Me"

Me being me... I had to get my hands on this copy... so being impatient i recorded a clip from a live internet broadcast from the station to wav. then converted it to mp3... Now it sits on my server to be shared with you all... the link is at the bottom to obtain the song...

Here are the lyrics (i wrote them, so if they are wrong, please correct me)

---------------------------------------------------
Staind - Chapter 5 - Right Here Waiting

I know I've been mistaken, but
Just give me a break and see the changes that I've made.
I've got some imperfections
but how could you collect them all and throw them in my face

but you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
you always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
and if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
to be so condescending
its as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend
so i keep bending 'til i break

but you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
you always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
and if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

i've made a commitment
i'm willing to bleed for you
i need a fulfillment
i found what i need in you

why cant you just forgive me
i dont want to relive all the mistakes i've made
along the way

but i always find a way to keep you right here waiting
i always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

but you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
you always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
and if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting
---------------------------------------------------

http://www.bwarez.com/staind%20-%20R...%20Waiting.mp3

edited for spelling mistakes

__________________
Yeah... That's right.

-Billy