A Question of Friendship - Love Forum

jslaughter · #1 (**permalink**) 24-07-04, 02:42 AM

When I first started dating my Dad used to tell me - "Never date anyone you wouldn't want to marry because you might fall in love, and then what?" With that advice in mind I always periodically do an inventory on my relationships and make sure nothing has happened to remove the man from being "marraige material" However I would never call someone I was "dating" my FUTURE HUSBAND unless there was some sort of ring involved.

For the past month my friend Paul has dated this girl Amy. Paul told her on their first date that he doesn't want to be responsible for anyone else's feelings right now. She said she understood, but in the past month she has decided she is in-love with Paul. For the past week Paul has been gone on a trip and he confided in me before he left that he was thinking about breaking up with her.

Amy and I have spent a great deal of time together this past week and during this time she has made several comments that have alarms sounding in my head. She's planning a two week getaway for the two of them in Septemeber. She's also taken to refering to Peter as her brother in law. It's kind of creeping me out.

A wise friend told me to try to steer clear of her, but here's the question - Paul and I have been friends for years and normally I would tell him if I saw a potential problem. Should I say anything to him? Even if NOT quoting her directly? (Just along the lines of - "Hey if you want to take things slow - you better let her know because she doesn't seem to be on the same page?") Or is that a bad idea?

squirrley · #2 (**permalink**) 24-07-04, 02:50 AM

Id tell him! For sure-you guys have been friends for a very long time, if not best friends right? You look out for your dearest friends, and hes already contemplating ending this relationship with her-this way if hes aware of her mental status, he'll know how to handle the situation better and or with more understanding, he'll know shes already 10 steps ahead of him.

Jules I would tell Paul whats going on, youre not betraying a friendship with Amy-you just starting out a friendship with her and you may not have been friends if it werent Paul anyway...telling him is the best thing for BOTH of them! Then hes not going into the whole when he breaks up with her "being blindsided" know what I mean? Hes got an inside track then how to handle her.

Goodluck!

jslaughter · #3 (**permalink**) 24-07-04, 02:58 AM

Thanks - I always try to be a fair and honest person. I just want what's best for the people I care about, and this is such an awkward place to be.

I didn't realize how bad it was until I got an email from her today telling me it was no big deal that I didn't call her back since I was talking to her future brother-in-law, all kinds of alarms went off in my head - that just seemed like such an odd thing to say.

squirrley · #4 (**permalink**) 24-07-04, 03:28 AM

Uh yea especially if they just started dating...shes a leech Jules.

swimmingNreverie · #5 (**permalink**) 24-07-04, 03:47 AM

tell him. definitely.

better for him to be truthful now and cause some tears, then to lie for a while and cause even more later

Zekk_T_Strife · #6 (**permalink**) 24-07-04, 07:32 AM

Aww, swimming I was just getting used to you other icon. Change is evil.

Kiechi · #7 (**permalink**) 25-07-04, 11:53 PM

Yeah tell him. it be better in the long run.

jslaughter · #8 (**permalink**) 26-07-04, 11:49 PM

I called him and asked him to call me before he talked to her upon his return. I told him that she had some really strong feelings for him and he really needed to be more clear with his signals. I felt that was getting the point across yet not really revealing anything she confided in me. He told me that he had already decided to end things with her.

After that uncomfortable conversation he and I went back to the business of being friends.

blue · #9 (**permalink**) 27-07-04, 01:19 AM

You are a great friend.

jslaughter · #10 (**permalink**) 27-07-04, 04:02 AM

Thanks for the kind words - I was sweating it there for a while.

jslaughter · #11 (**permalink**) 30-07-04, 05:14 AM

Ahhh, and she is NOT a good friend. Paul broke up with her and she pretty much sent me an email saying she couldn't talk to me because of him and she was having a hard time having to deal with me being happy. (BITCH - I thought you were supposed to be happy for your friends when they were happy?) I am rather ticked. . .

squirrley · #12 (**permalink**) 30-07-04, 05:47 AM

GIRL! Im glad you stayed away from her for the most part. So Paul did the deed? Well good for him! Girl was starting to scare me there!

and yea Jules friends ARE SUPPOSE to be happy for you! Ive got a so called friend who does that same crap to me! With friends like that who needs enemies. Geesh, its jealousy.

Well, you know you did the right thing anyway, but as far as Amy-dont waste your time anymore...not worth it!