Forbidden Love - Love Forum

Olga · #1 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 01:25 AM

Hello!
Please, help me to solve my problem.
I fell in love with a young man who is 10 years younger that i am
(he is 20 and I am 30). What's more I am married and have a son (4years
old), and i am a teacher at the university where he studies.
You see, my husband does not love me any more, sometimes he behaves
like a beast. Although he treats me badly, he loves our child.
Olga.

Kiechi · #2 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 01:56 AM

I assume your from the U.K right?

Tricky situation. However, I don't think it is wise to follow through. Hes 20, and at that age us men just want to get laid. Getting with someone who is 10 years hes senior who mind you ALSO would be carrying baggage (The child) is alot of responsibility. Responsibility I believe a 20 yr old would not be able to handle. Cut your losses. If your that unhappy in your marriage I suggest you leave your husband.

shh! · #3 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 02:28 AM

In addition to what Kiechi has said (which is all true) I would add the following: Have you actually dated this young man? Because you know it is unethical to have done so and could end up costing you your job. Dating a student would indicate a very large lapse of judgment should your husband decide to divorce you, and therefore may jeopardize your relationship with your son should a custody battle ensue. To me, no romance is worth that. Work on your problems with your husband until they are resolved in a responsible way, but stay away from your students.

Kiechi · #4 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

In addition to what Kiechi has said (which is all true) I would add the following: Have you actually dated this young man? Because you know it is unethical to have done so and could end up costing you your job. Dating a student would indicate a very large lapse of judgment should your husband decide to divorce you, and therefore may jeopardize your relationship with your son should a custody battle ensue. To me, no romance is worth that. Work on your problems with your husband until they are resolved in a responsible way, but stay away from your students.

Wow she good with her words. Yeah! What she said!

Illusional · #5 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 03:24 AM

this is quite a predicament huh? dammit, where is my beer?? oh shit, i forgot, i have given up drinking for the time being.

raverboy

Ellynn · #6 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 06:30 AM

Yeah I definately would not sacrafice my career or my marriage for someone who is that young. I mean it sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage....but then do something about it. Separate....leave him....get a divorce.

But dating a student will ruin your career if they find out about it. Honestly in my opinion its not worth it. You have your son to think about....

Olga · #7 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiechi

I assume your from the U.K right?

Thank you very much.

I am from Russia. I teach English at a university in Russia.

Olga · #8 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

In addition to what Kiechi has said (which is all true) I would add the following: Have you actually dated this young man? Because you know it is unethical to have done so and could end up costing you your job. Dating a student would indicate a very large lapse of judgment should your husband decide to divorce you, and therefore may jeopardize your relationship with your son should a custody battle ensue. To me, no romance is worth that. Work on your problems with your husband until they are resolved in a responsible way, but stay away from your students.

I have never dated thi young man. We have never touched each other or even diacussed our feelings. Mainly because of the fact that we are a teacher and a student. We are a kind of friends. He is always very kind and patient to my child and me.

Olga · #9 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

Yeah I definately would not sacrafice my career for someone who is that young.
But dating a student will ruin your career if they find out about it. Honestly in my opinion its not worth it. .

I think career is not so important for a woman as happy marriage. Job is not a problem in this situation. If our relationships developed and he was ready to sacrifice his freedom for married life with me, I could leave the present job and find another one ( I am a good and experienced professional), or tell my director that I am going to marry one of the students and am going to leave my job because of this, and I'll leave for her to decide if i continue to work or I'd better leave.
The child is the only person who I care for more than myself. So his happiness is the most important thing for me. Whatever I do I do for him.

COAD · #10 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:19 PM

Muzh skotina da?
Ochen Zhal.

Ya dumaju shto tebe nestoit z etim parnem svazivatsa. Ya tebe kak russkij tozhe sovetuju

Kiechi · #11 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:21 PM

Bottom line, Olga, don't follow it through. The personal sacrafice is far too great to risk on persuing an rather unpractical relationship with a 20 year old. Simply, if your unhappy in your current relationship then leave. Do not use your relationship with the student as an scapegoat to leave what seems to be a "failing" marriage.

Olga · #12 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:22 PM

Skotina ili durak. Tochno ne mogu opredelitsya.

COAD · #13 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olga

Skotina ili durak. Tochno ne mogu opredelitsya. Dumaesh stoit za glupost' russkogo muzhika nakazat' razvodom?

Eto ego nakazhet tolko esli on kak rebenok i nechego zasaboj zdelat nemozhet.

Muzhika mozhna nakazat tolko izmenoj.

Ti sama smotri pro eto delo, esli patsan narmalnij, samostojatelnij, i amerikanskoe slovo = "responsible".

shh! · #14 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 11:26 PM

I sure wish I knew what they were saying...

Lloyd95 · #15 (**permalink**) 14-08-05, 11:39 PM

Wait?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olga

I fell in love with a young man who is 10 years younger that i am
Olga.

Quote:

I have never dated thi young man. We have never touched each other or even diacussed our feelings. Mainly because of the fact that we are a teacher and a student. We are a kind of friends.

So you are in love with a man 20 years your junior, yet you tow have never dated, never touched each other, and never discussed your feelings?? So you fell in love with him from afar?

Uh, I don't know how they play the game in Russia, but here in the States I imagine it take at least 1 date to fall in love? Or some hand holding? Or how about a serious talk now and then?