Ruining a friendship for selfish reasons

[mfdc]

You may remeber a while back a post I made about a girl I was completley infatuated with. The thing was my feelings were not reciprocated, I didnt have the guts to tell her as I didnt want to ruin our friendship. Everytime I see her, it kills me having to bottle my feelings up to the point now where the freindship is causing me so much pain, I cant see her again. How do you tell one of your best friends that you dont want to see them without having to explain ? I feel guilty for not being able to handle my feelings but Im only human!

[Ellynn]

Yeah I know how it is to be friends with someone u feel something more for but u know it will never be.... I know I had a crush at one point in time on a co-worker(bad thing to begin with) and seeing him all the time made it even harder. Then to top it all off he was a friend of mine.. We got along great and it hurt even more because he seemed even more desireable. I told him how I felt but he didn't feel the same.... and that hurt alot! It was very awkward. Then he started dating someone else....which was hard also.
When finally he moved away to another state(with his gf) it was easier to get over him and move on.... which I have...but of course time to time he crosses my mind. Now I just wish him the best and hope he's happy and she treats him right. We are still friends and everything is cool....

I mean sometimes you have to let go of that in order to move on. And if you really feel there is no chance w/ this girl.....then its best. But, where my story differs is that I told him how I felt. I took that chance and I found out for sure. Yes the friendship was weird for me afterwards but eventually we got beyond it. I still had feelings for awhile though....couldnt help it.. but as time went on it was alot easier to move on.

But with you........you didn't even take that chance. And that is because you dont want to ruin the friendship. BUT by not taking that chance.....and by cutting her off because you have these feelings........you want to ruin the friendship as well. Either way your ruining it......and I think by just cutting her out of your life ....your gonna hurt yourself even more. Your always gonna wonder...."what if".....or "did I do the right thing?"

I mean at least I found out if there was a chance or not. Friendship at risk and everything....... I did it cuz I knew I would always wonder..... ANd so I told him how I felt and he said he didnt feel the same. Yes it hurt ....but at least I knew that I had no chance for sure. It was closure that I needed. And of course I felt for him afterwards..but being the great friend he is...he was really nice about it and didn't get all weirded out.

I think you should find out at least before cutting her out of your life. I honestly dont think it would ruin your friendship if u told her how u feel. If shes a true friend she will at least hear you out and not make u feel like crap about it. She will at least be honest with you and still be your friend no matter what. Then after that, if you choose, then I say distance yourself from her. But at least find out before you just cut out someone in your life that is important.

Please at least considering this before doing anything drastic...

[mfdc]

thankyou for your advice. Its so tough for me you know ? I have a friendship with her that is truly magic, I feel like I dont have to ask however how she feels, as Im sure she doesnt like me like that. We always talk about guys for her & stuff & joke about it & I just get the impression she wasnt interested. I also know she may have an idea on how I feel as I spoke to her friend about it but cant be sure whether her friend told her. That was a week before. I seen her last night, we had a great time, but it didnt come up even though she asked me did I have my eye on anyone!? She knew, she feels awkward I can tell and would rather me not spill my heart.

I feel like Im letting her down either way, I either look like an attention whore by jsut cutting her out and ignorning her, at which point she's gonna ask whats wrong and im scared ill be pressured into telling her, and I even feel that im proving that a guy & a girl cant be friends without feelings getting in the way which makes me hate myself also


Your right in what you say but I dont know what to do, either way, Im gonna **** this up which hurts me because I dont usually **** anything up! ironically though, Ive never been in this situation!

[Ellynn]

Well honestly you don't have have much to lose other then knowing the truth and if there is any possibility. I personally would rather know. I mean sometimes its just best to put it out there.....for peace of mind. Then after that you can decide what you wanna do.

You said you can't continue going on the way you have been with all your feelings bottled up. I say just tell her. Whats the worse that can happen? She says she doesn't feel the same. I mean you kinda already expect that response....but for closure I think you need to know for sure. Once you do know yes it will hurt because reality will set in. But then you can get on with your life. You can decide if you can still be friends with her or not. I wouldn't tell her your feelings thru friends........or anything like that. The truth can get twisted and things get messed up. I mean if a friend of mine told me that one of my guy friends liked me....then I would be confused. I would also rather hear it from the guy himself...

I know how you feel..... its a tough decision..... I have been attracted to many of my male friends. I guess its just when you have that friendship and compatibility with someone sometimes it just happens.

If you can't express the words to her. Maybe try writing her a letter and explaining your feelings and also explain how much her friendship means to you. Explain to her how your torn between your friendship and your feelings for her. If shes a true friend she will understand...

[mfdc]

I totally thank you for your advice. The friday before the weekend I was in town shopping, I actually walked right past her as she was in a cafe, I looked momentarily & she didnt notice me & I was completley transfixed. Theres no way Im going to get over this girl until I stop her from being a part of my life. So although against your advice (im sorry) I didnt answer her calls. She phoned me several times throughout the weekend & followed it up with an email Monday morning saying how she's worried & she's either going to ring me at work or phone my mom' to see if I'm ok.

Now I even feel guilty for worrying her & bless her, she really cares. I feel even more of an ******* now!

I did reply, told her I was ok but was having a few issues at the moment.

I feel really bad as Im being dishonest with her so Im going to talk to her today or tomorrow. You know, its my birthday next week & we would normally spend it together, I guess that wont be happening now!

[mfdc]

Becuase youve gone to the effort of giving me some good advice I thought Id let you know what happened. Well going against your advice has worked against me, she phoned & phoned worried that something was wrong & instead of telling her, I just told her I was having a rough time at the moment & would she mind just leaving me alone. Thing is though, I even did this in an email so was kinda corwardly!

Anyway, Ive basically messed the freindship up like I knew I would. I'm so gutted!