BIG life decision...RIGHT NOW!

[Late_vamp]

hey all LF members , i havent posted in days . anyways . me and my GF have talked very seriously about our relationship and about our religions ...she's muslim (ismaili) and im (christian) ...but i WILL convert to islam because i never really believed in Jesus as being the son of god ...anyways , this is not a religious thread .

point being , this is the situation ...i will put it as steps and i would like to get some feedback from most if not all the members here .

- I have known her for about 2 weeks (i know its very short) but i have been dating her for 5 days now . (i had a previous relationship for 15 months , and with this girl , after 5 days i KNOW im more connected in a deeper way than i ever was with the other ones)

- We have already talked about marriage and such things as our families and our decisions based on each other .

-In order to be together , i will have to turn Muslim (not a problem )

-In order to be together , we will both have to finish our studies (approx : 3 to 4 years)

-In those 3-4 years i will have no sex , i will only see her about 2 days per week and she has to be home by 9 - 10 MAX .

-Her family keeps sending her "potential husbands" because it is a custom in their culture to hook up with another family's son . also , she already rejected 2 guys , one guy she even rejected twice because she loves me , she says that even if a guy came along , she would say no because she would be committed to me . VERY good girl , never even danced with a guy , i BELIEVE she's still a virgin (ill ask tomorrow ) she also wants to marry someone she loves and not by decision .

-She LOVES me , i am the closest man to her dreams .she has never loved before but she has had brevious BF , but nothing this serious .

-i LOVE her , like crazy , she is the closest thing to me as the perfect girl in every way (except in her family...but thats not really her). i have loved before and i have been in long term relationships , and i can say that she is VERY special , a REAL KEEPER .

-there will always be a slight chance that in those 3-4 years , we will stop liking each other , that i might cheat or she might (we both really doubt it ... but you can never really know)... we are being VERY realistic . not leaving any possibility aside.

-Chances are that 80 % her parents wont accept me and that we will have to "run away" and get married and we will both never see our families again .(thats fine by me , and by her)

-We are both willing to compromise for all these years and to save each other for the day of our wedding , we are very open and direct , and we both know that we WILL have trust , respect , love and commitment torwards each other .

but today , we were talking and thinking , and we both realized just how HARD this is all going to be , for both of us . and i will take time and energy to endure all this . so im am pretty certain that i want to do this , i dont really know about her , she seems to depend on my decision . she wants to but she doesnt want it to be TOO hard on me because i might fail if its too hard and all this will be for nothing .

i have already taken some steps , i have converted to islam already , i just need to be in her "tribe" sort of , shes a different type of muslim than the usual . I have stopped some bad habits like smoking and i have lost attraction from other females . i am dedicated to her i would say 99% . but theres this 1 % that keeps us from saying "OK , we WILL do it and thats THAT ... final decision , starting NOW"

Please help ME out with this , i just want your input on this , wether its critisism or complementing . be direct but try to be respectfull , No taliban jokes or shit like that also ...thx

[RSK]

be realistic, not optimistic

be cautious, not lawless

be yourself, not someone else

be smart, forget your heart

be responsible, not forgetfull

be a man, not a woman

be courageous, not advantageous

overall,

be carefull, not darefull

remember: this is just JMA

[BFTrick]

if there is such a high chance of her parents rejecting you then why do you have to switch religions? im assuming its more of a tradition than religious beliefs.

your converting sounds more like a technicality because of the family thing. Also just because you dont believe jesus isnt the son of god doesnt mean you are a believer of Islam.

You should probabily start by reading the Koran, im assuming you havent done so, even if you started reading it the first day you met the girl.

You should get to know the girl over these 3-4 years then make a decision about your religion.

you really need to think about this some more before you do anything huge.

[Debunkt]

SLOW DOWN

I wouldn't base any religion changing (as arbitrary as it is) or any 4 year long plans on a 5 day relationship. You haven't even had the time to find the things that you may NOT like about the girl. Test drive the car before you buy it, my friend.

[RSK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debunkt

Test drive the car before you buy it, my friend.

It's people like you, that make me SICK! You should be ashamed of yourself.

[Ellynn]

I would slow down. You have only been dating her a WEEK!! Get to know each other better....and in a few years....if things progress....then really consider converting..

I dated a jewish guy for a year......(Im lutheran) and he told me(after a few months of dating) if we ever got married I would have to convert and raise our kids jewish. At first I was all for it. Things were going well etc. I got to participate in a sedar...and his dad was a rabbi and it was all very interesting...
But then it also meant giving up all regular meat and eating only kosher meat, no pork(love ham and ribs), no seafood that is a shell fish (ex. shrimp.which I love),no dairy and meat together, no bread during passover, no eating during rosh hashannah, no christmas tree, no Jesus,..etc. And he was very strict about all of this!
Basically it would be a major change...but I was willing to do it...at one time if things progressed between the two of us. But honestly, I still am true to my beliefs....even though Im not a regular church goer etc....

Well things didn't work out between us in the long run....(he cheated and had some other issues) so it ended. Now I look back and honestly would not want to change a big part of my life for someone......

I have nothing against other religions. But honestly I feel it would be hard to change something I have believed all of my life.

[shh!]

Any responsible imam will not convert you so quickly, and for good reason. You can't possibly know enough about Islam to make an intelligent decision to convert so quickly, and you are converting into a heavily discriminated-against religion. This decision should not be made lightly. Islam can be a beautiful religion, but it certainly isn't for the faint-hearted. Also, depending on whether or not her family practices the more extremeist forms of Islam, they may take the ultimate revenge on you both if you up and run away and they find you. It is traditional that the parents choose a husband for their daughter, and if they are traditional, you can bet they will be upset about her hooking up with a Westerner. You really need to know more about what kind of family this girl comes from and how religious they are.

I think you ought to slow down in both the religious conversion and the girl. You are moving way too quickly.

By the way, I think any religious conversion should be taken very seriously, and only after having a LOT of education in various forms of religion to be sure you are making the right choice. It should never be done for someone else. There are many things one gives up in order to convert to a new religion, and it is only worthwhile if you are getting something very powerful in return. (And yes, I converted from Catholicism --> Judaism.)

[Ellynn]

Yeah Shh.....I agree. You should never change your religion for someone else.....only for yourself.

Dude come on man... think of all you learned from LF. It's true after 5 days of dating and 2 weeks knowing each other you can be extremely infatuated with her... but don't kid yourself, you are not in love because you guys hardly know each other. Even if you've been with her for every second of every day for the past 5 days you don't KNOW her, you don't know how she is during the bad times, you don't know how she reacts to you losing your temper, how she controls her temper, etc etc... You are not in love. I'm sorry to say, but just think of everything you learn here. You are just infatuated.

Don't make any of these insane changes right away so quick... I mean it's great you found someone you like and all... I just think you are moving WAY too fast, and I say all this for your own good.. not just to hate.

[Lloyd95]

Wow. All I can say is wow.

EDIT: Alright, I have more to say; you're a freakin loser. 5 days of dating and you're ready to marry her, switch faiths and go without sex for 4 years. (There's probably more but I didn't read the whole post).
I can't believe more members here didn't flame you and actually gave it serious thought, unless of course this is a joke.

[TAVS]

I'm woth Lloyd on this one

*Insert Taliban Joke Here*

Rafael, it happens to us all at one point or another... we get infatuated and confuse it with love. Just slow things down a bit, you're jumpin the gun way too early, especially the marriage talk.

You need more time to get to know each other...

[Asip4u]

Damn Lv, you sure move quickly. I agree with everyone on here. It's unfortunate that people's feelings take over and they don't think twice before doing something very stupid. Take plenty of time to think about this stuff, you may not feel the same way.

[TAVS]

LV -

You really need to take a step back and relax. I believe this is just a rebound situation.
For example, I'm seeing a new girl now. As you've probably read, I just exited a 4yr relationship so I of course am on the rebound. I think about this new girl all the time, and in my mind, she's the best thing since sliced bread. Granted, we've known eachother for over a year, so I know her a bit better than you know your new gal. Anyway, my point is, I'm over-infatuated with this new girl beyond rational. It's not easy but you have to keep your mind in check and remind yourself of your situation and the adverse effect the past has on your mindset. Relax and dont get in over your head.

[Rosebud]

I think you should listen to everyone on here and what they have all said. You havne't known each other very long at all and so you really don't KNOW this person. Like tone said there's a lot more to someone than just what they show you in the first week, you have to go through all kinds of things to really and truly know what soemone is like. Slow down on this, and take your time so you don't do soemthing you will regret in the future.

You should always think and keep in mind the goals you have for your future that you want to obtain. You need to look into a lot of things before you make these drastic decisions, find out as much as you can about this religion and base that decision on: if it would be good for you? not if it would make things work for you and this girl you just met.

I'm glad you met someone you really like but take things slow and deal with situations as they come so you can better yourself for you and not anyone else.