How do you stop being competitive and a sore loser especially with your boyfriend? :P - Love Forum

bluemonkey · #1 (**permalink**) 28-09-06, 11:45 AM

I have a problem. Eversince I was young, when it comes to studies, I've always been competitive and would strive to top the best. And if I don't, I feel like a real sore loser and even a little jealous.

The problem wasn't that serious until recently when I was playing boardgames with my boyfriend. Maybe because he's smarter than me and wins almost every game we play together, that side of me that wasn't an issue before appeared. It's been quite hard to control and overcome.

I've talked to my boyfriend about this before and he stressed to me that it's just a game. I understood that, but somehow, 'inside' I'm not listening and it rears its ugly head whenever I'm losing very badly.

I've tried repeating to myself that it's just a game like a mantra, but whenever he plays to win, I just get...mad! ;( Inside I'm like..."If it's not about winning, why is he playing so hard to win?! God, I want to win too!!!" And the mantra just gets thrown out of the window.

What can I do? I like playing boardgames, generally. But I'm an emotional player and it's difficult to control my feelings when it comes to losing to him.

Frasbee · #2 (**permalink**) 28-09-06, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluemonkey

What can I do? I like playing boardgames, generally. But I'm an emotional player and it's difficult to control my feelings when it comes to losing to him.

Emotion won't help you.

Lose it.

#3 (**permalink**) 28-09-06, 12:20 PM

I know exactly how you feel because I've experienced the same thing, except with my school grades and my girlfriends.

You gotta look back and find out what this is really coming from. Obviously, you're having control issues, since you're unable to control the outcome of your defeat or victory. Anything happen when you were younger?

jurupa · #4 (**permalink**) 28-09-06, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zarathu

Anything happen when you were younger?

I wonder the same thing as well. It almost seems that she was pushed to be the best when she was young or something.

xwfuro · #5 (**permalink**) 28-09-06, 08:15 PM

i just imagine someone throwing the monopoly board after being stomped on parkplace or boardwalk. awkward.....

vashti · #6 (**permalink**) 28-09-06, 11:23 PM

Everybody would like to win. You need to learn how to be a gracious loser. It is a matter of maturity. It doesn't matter WHY you feel this way; it only matters that you not behave badly. Learn to control yourself.

bluemonkey · #7 (**permalink**) 29-09-06, 01:04 AM

Frasbee: I like your suggestion. But my question is, how? Is there a switch I can turn off somewhere?

Zarathu: Well, there was once an incident during my primary schooling where my father made a big fuss over my failed maths test. I was horribly embarassed in front of my relatives. I guess, ever since then I strived to be a top student.

Jurupa: My father had 1st class with honors in his two majors, my sis often times brag about how she was stupid and then turned smart later on by herself and my class teacher made fun of me on why I failed my maths test.

xwfuro: I don't do tantrums like that (thank god). I would certainly feel embarassed about it later on. I just put on a face or get frustrated and angry.

vashti: I really wanna be a gracious loser. But HOW? How do I mature? I think it's best to know why still because it's just going to come back every time if it's not solved. I'm having problem with the how.

I'm just glad my boyfriend is very patient with me. I just apologised to him just now on the phone. I just got to nip this in the bud before it grows wild...

vashti · #8 (**permalink**) 29-09-06, 01:09 AM

Sometimes you have to behave a certain way BEFORE you are feeling it, and the feelings follow.

When you lose, learn to smile and say "congratulations", and compliment your opponent on their skill.. Do not say anything to diminish their win, regardless of how you feel on the inside. Eventually your hostile feelings will diminish, and the more you practice, the easier it will become, and your hostile feelings will abate.

Gigabitch · #9 (**permalink**) 29-09-06, 02:19 AM

What happens if you lose with your friends? It it the same, or it it worse with the bf? Could you practice losing?

Your father issues are glaringly apparent. Remind yourself when you are playing that he is not there. That might help.

Frasbee · #10 (**permalink**) 29-09-06, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluemonkey

Frasbee: I like your suggestion. But my question is, how? Is there a switch I can turn off somewhere?

There is.

You have to find it first.

It may take a while but eventually you can learn to force it off.

Be careful though, as having little to no emotion can be as troublesome as having much of it.

I'm working on turning myself off as we speak.

bluemonkey · #11 (**permalink**) 29-09-06, 03:57 PM

vashti: I always come into a game feeling excited. The only way I think to prepare myself is if I was not serious about it from the beginning. But that would take away the excitement and show lack of interest.

gigabitch: hmmm, it usually happens with somebody I'm close with. My boyfriend and a close friend of mine (she's also a competitive and clever person when it comes to games and does not have a subtle way of being happy about her victory) Others, I don't mind losing to....I guess, it falls down to me wanting to top the best again.

Frasbee: Maybe if I try watching others play and how they react to losing, I could copy them?

xwfuro · #12 (**permalink**) 30-09-06, 02:14 AM

by heart im not a very competitive person, so if i lose hopefully no money was involved, if i win i hope the girls are all naked

Gigabitch · #13 (**permalink**) 30-09-06, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xwfuro

by heart im not a very competitive person, so if i lose hopefully no money was involved, if i win i hope the girls are all naked

How often does that actually happen? To anybody?