Lacking confidence - Love Forum

adam_clio · #1 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 01:15 AM

Hi,

I need help off some of you guys and gals. Im currently 20 and ive never had a proper girlfriend. I just cant seem to talk to the opposite sex very well at all. My work colleagues i can talk to and my mates but if i like someone i just make an idiot of myself.

I know im only 20 and should be out their enjoying myself but when i do go out i just feel as though everyone is just looking at me(very self conscious i think??) and i just cant relax or talk to people.

Im a pretty chatty person at work etc and around my mates but i seem to just change when im around people i dont know. Im just getting really annoyed with myself as i just dont know what to do in all honesty. I want to go out for meals,buy flowers, go to the cinema and go for weekends away.

I know some of you might say go out and talk to people but its hard for me!, ive tried talking to people over the internet (which ive found to be useless in all honesty). What things can i do to boost my confidence and self esteem to try and get myself a GF.

Thanks
Adam

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 04:44 AM

I think you should just fake it (confidence) until it comes naturally. Most confidence surrounding dating comes from experience.

#3 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 04:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

I think you should just fake it (confidence) until it comes naturally. Most confidence surrounding dating comes from experience.

I think if he could fake it, he would.

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zarathu

I think if he could fake it, he would.

Not if it hasn't occurred to him to do so...

vigilante · #5 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 08:00 AM

Just go along with the flow, make a fool out of yourself, soon you won't be doing that

#6 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vigilante

Just go along with the flow, make a fool out of yourself, soon you won't be doing that

What the **** was that?

dreamer101 · #7 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 08:14 AM

join toastmasters. it might help you with your speaking skills and nervousness. there must be a club in your local area.

#8 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamer101

join toastmasters. it might help you with your speaking skills and nervousness. there must be a club in your local area.

That's actually a good idea. I was thinking about joining, but I'm just way too much of a smartass.

Gigabitch · #9 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 11:36 AM

Can you get someone to set you up?

adam_clio · #10 (**permalink**) 31-10-06, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamer101

join toastmasters. it might help you with your speaking skills and nervousness. there must be a club in your local area.

Ok thanks for that, ill have a look at that now!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Can you get someone to set you up?

Well ive tried that but just sat their like an idiot, i am really no good at talking to new people!Couldnt get my words out or make conversation.

Gigabitch · #11 (**permalink**) 01-11-06, 01:09 AM

Okay, what if you start the conversation out by admitting just that? Say, "I'm terrible at this. You might have to cut me some slack until I get to know you better. I'm not always this awkward." Would that take some of the pressure off?

Or... what about asking someone out to the movies? You're not supposed to talk during a movie (wish everyone understood this). That would give you some time to sit next to her and get yourself settled down before conversation was required.

Where is this coming from, anyway? Are you just terribly shy? Anyway, practice makes perfect. Start conversing with strangers, like the girl at the video store or whatever. Two sentences. "How are you today? Thank you very much." carries very little risk, and therefore should not make you too anxious.

adam_clio · #12 (**permalink**) 01-11-06, 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

.

Where is this coming from, anyway? Are you just terribly shy? Anyway, practice makes perfect. Start conversing with strangers, like the girl at the video store or whatever. Two sentences. "How are you today? Thank you very much." carries very little risk, and therefore should not make you too anxious.

To be honest im quite a talkative person at work and around my mates, but away from them i keep myself to myself.Im kinda lonely and just want to experience a relationship as i want to fall in love and settle down( i know this sounds kinda forward but its what i want!). I will definiately do as you suggest and try and make conversation with strangers as that seems to be the way forward.

Kutika · #13 (**permalink**) 03-01-07, 01:04 AM

Having self confidence is one of the most important factors that helps you in life ... If you're shy, you should believe that GOD created all people alike, there's no need to be shy ... Self Confidence helps in society, real life, ur JOB ... everything ...

allflowerz · #14 (**permalink**) 23-01-07, 08:37 AM

Fake it until you make it!! That's what I live by... If you appear to want something too bad it may turn females off... Don't walk around with the stink of death on you because you are not having much success with the opposite sex... Put your self in situations where you will be around more females... It's a numbers game... It's like sales, you will hear a few "no's" before you eventually get a yes... You have to keep going... If someone doesn't like you , so what, keep it movin'!!

_jts_ · #15 (**permalink**) 06-02-07, 03:00 PM

Look at it this way. There is going to come a point when you are going to die. No one, especially you, is going to care if you made a fool out of yourself talking up a girl. Go for it, or you will be constantly kicking yourself for the rest of you life.