Meeting with the therapist

[dono]

So I met up with my therapist yesterday and we came to a new conclusion about me (it was very obvious but I had just never paid any attention to it). I get angry when I see weakness in people. It isn't all-out anger per se, but it's more of this sadistic feeling to beat the shit out of them. You know David12? I made some ****ed up posts because I see him as a pathetic excuse for a soul to consume a human body. That ****ing piece of shit.

I also decided to start IMing my ex-girlfriend recently. It wasn't just any type of IMing. It was pure mockery. I was being very dryly sarcastic and I kept telling her that if she left I was going to burst into tears. But did the fact that she has a hardcore case of depression along with other ****ed up problems bother me? Not a chance.

The concept behind all of this is that when I see pathetic and weak people, I see my mom. I have no respect for my mom. It isn't disrespect, necessarily, but it's just no respect whatsoever. I asked my therapist if I need to work on tolerance for the weak, and he said that that's something I definitely need to do.

The thing is that I started to think about it, and I realized that I don't really want to tolerate the weak. I don't want to have anything to do with the weak, other than me sadistically mocking them and kicking them even harder for being pathetic ****s without testicles.

Does anybody else despise the weak like I do? Is it normal for me to not really want to change? Is change really necessary?


[EDIT]
I just realized that someone here who I find a very weak person is going to reply and I'm just going to say what I normally say. Check for testicular cancer.

[Charlie Boy]

Yar that's all pretty ****ed up. I would stick with the therapy.

[anachronistic]

no, i feel a need to help those who are weak. yes i've had this problem before.

[vashti]

People usually hate the things in others that they suspect they themselves are guilty of.

[dono]

Lilwing, you're right below David12 on my list.

Vash: You said "usually," which does not mean 100% of the time. I don't suspect I am guilty of weakness. In fact, my therapist said that in the 4 years that he's been seeing me, he's never really seen me in a state of emotional weakness. I can take a lot.

It's because, like I said, the weakness reminds me of my mom.

[Charlie Boy]

Seeing a therapist would be considered "weak" in some people's eyes.

[dono]

That's complete bullshit. Everyone should get a therapist.

[vashti]

Maybe it is weakness you fear, then, as in, perhaps you are afraid others may perceive weakness in you, so you compensate by acting like a bastard, even though I knw for sure you are nothing more than a big puppy dog.

[Charlie Boy]

That's complete bullshit. Everyone should get a therapist.

Well... everyone who hates their mom as well as anyone they perceive as weak, probably should anyway.

[dono]

I don't hate my mom, I just said I don't respect her....

I don't want to sound antagonistic (that's a lie), but damn you guys are hard-headed.

[Charlie Boy]

You get a "sadistic feeling that you want to beat the shit out of" weak people, and you've linked that compulsion back to the feelings you have for your mom.... I think that's a bit beyond disrespect.

[dono]

In fact, I specifically said that I didn't disrespect her, but I simply don't respect her. There's a difference. Disrespecting is calling her names whereas not respecting is not wanting to give her the time of day. See? Do you see? Will I have to spoon-feed the obvious down your throat any more?

[anachronistic]

Lilwing, you're right below David12 on my list.

that's scary. dare i ask why?

jesus, i don't even meet people on myspace or anything. i don't even have a damn myspace!

[dono]

Not really, I was just being a dick when I said that.

[Charlie Boy]

In fact, I specifically said that I didn't disrespect her, but I simply don't respect her. There's a difference. Disrespecting is calling her names whereas not respecting is not wanting to give her the time of day. See? Do you see? Will I have to spoon-feed the obvious down your throat any more?

I know what you said. But "not respecting your mom" or however you want to split that hair, doesn't go a tenth of the way to explaining a sadisitc reaction to weakness. Obviously your feelings would have to run much deeper - but I guess that's why you're in therapy.