In dire need of improving conversation ability - Love Forum

enterprise · #1 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 01:44 AM

first step to a problem is admitting i have it and here i am, i have a problem with keeping up conversations and starting them.

Well let me tell you what happened today as that can illustrate the problem well. So today me and approx 20 kids went on a field trip to a comedy club where we had a workshop. That was fun and dandy and all but the bus ride was sooo bad. On the way there i was sitting with my friend and we didn't have much of a talk if any, i tried to get into a Disney discussion cause (lets call her Y) Y was listening to Disney music on her ipod with my friend. Didn't work so well but it was alright. They way back more silence than anything.No one in our section sat together, everyone took there own seat in the end. My friend J sat across from me, i just couldn't get much accept maybe a condom comment. I even commented on how there was nothing to talk about, and he agreed. After J,D, and most people got off the bus it was: Me with Y behind me and 2 other kids farther back in other grades (one in 12 and one in 9). So i tried so hard to start a conversation. I asked her how it was, what was she listening to, what was she going to do when she got home, and i just ran out of ideas and silence for about 5 minutes. We got to school where i chatted a bit for 3 of the 5 minutes, not much a bit better. Then i got picked up. How can this stop?

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 04:20 AM

After a long day, it isn't unusual that people would resort to being quiet: everyone was probably tired at that point. Sometimes silence is a good thing.

To be a better conversationalist, you need to know enough about a few different topics to be interesting. These topics should be of general interest to the age group that you wish to talk with, for example - teenagers are very interested in pop culture. Can you talk about music intelligently? Are you a film buff? Do you follow sports and know enough about the big athletes to be able to engage in conversation with others about them? A lot of males like to talk about video games, but females tend to be much less interested in general.

As you get older, the importance of pop culture declines, but then religion and politics become important. (They might be important already to some of your more thoughtful teenage peers.) Sports of any kind are almost always good for males.

To be a good conversationalist, you also needto be genuinely interested in other people's perspectives. Ask questions (without being so personal that you embarrass people).

koolwhip · #3 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 06:25 AM

agreeing with vashti, i'd like to add some more specific details.

1. Silence
silence is good when you want to tell others you are tired or do not want to be disturbed in a way without saying anything. Some people prefer silence, and others take it as an insult. which leads to number 2

2. Know your place
the key to conversations is knowing your place in a conversation before doing anything else. like vashti said, know the atmosphere, is it a happy conversation, a joking conversation, a serious conversation, etc.

3. Topics
probably the most important rule of conversing is having the right topic or the right perspective to talk about. topics in a conversation varies a lot. and growing is a big part of that variation. Although topics become more serious as you get older, there are some people who enjoy living like a kid.

off notes:
when answering a question, elaborate, dont just give a blunt answer like "yes"
try to sympathize or empathize in a conversation
dont but in to random conversations and take what they say in a wrong way.

hope this helps in the outcome

-jc

koolwhip · #4 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 08:08 AM

id like to point you to this thread by the love forum admin.

Being a Good Conversationalist

enterprise · #5 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 11:27 AM

2 things.

1. My interests (except for a few of my friends) tend to differ when it comes to pop culture. I prefer old movies, most of my favorites are in black and white, unlike most of my friends. I prefer Sam Cooke, Frankie Vallie, The Rat Pack and One Hit Wonders over todays music. Books, once and a while if a good book comes along or is recommended. TV is the same...i don't find many people that watch the 60s shows i like, like get smart. I don't read the news paper (although i should) and for my friends who play computer games i stick to worms which isn't new so not many of my friends play it either.

If when i asked her what she was listening to and then said I love evanescence (maybe right spelling) then it could have expanded but i think my rather different perspective makes it hard. I also don't play any sports (except in school) and i hate to watch them....... I don't know what to do.

I should have posted this when i thought it a few hours ago when i was in the shower (shower for me=thinking time).

The Great OV!!! · #6 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 11:43 AM

I think girls in general need to improve in conversation ability.

jurupa · #7 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Great OV!!!

I think girls in general need to improve in conversation ability.

Uh? Last I check girls where social creatures.

The Great OV!!! · #8 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jurupa

Uh? Last I check girls where social creatures.

Really? not with me.

Frasbee · #9 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 02:18 PM

Humans are social creatures.

jurupa · #10 (**permalink**) 08-02-07, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Great OV!!!

Really? not with me.

I meant in general.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

Humans are social creatures.

They are, but females tend to be the most social.

enterprise · #11 (**permalink**) 09-02-07, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by enterprise

2 things.

1. My interests (except for a few of my friends) tend to differ when it comes to pop culture. I prefer old movies, most of my favorites are in black and white, unlike most of my friends. I prefer Sam Cooke, Frankie Vallie, The Rat Pack and One Hit Wonders over todays music. Books, once and a while if a good book comes along or is recommended. TV is the same...i don't find many people that watch the 60s shows i like, like get smart. I don't read the news paper (although i should) and for my friends who play computer games i stick to worms which isn't new so not many of my friends play it either.

If when i asked her what she was listening to and then said I love evanescence (maybe right spelling) then it could have expanded but i think my rather different perspective makes it hard. I also don't play any sports (except in school) and i hate to watch them....... I don't know what to do.

I should have posted this when i thought it a few hours ago when i was in the shower (shower for me=thinking time).

TO sum that up in shorter i don't find my older interests to have as many connections as it could to others and that is why i couldn't further that conversation, any tips?

MVPlaya · #12 (**permalink**) 17-04-07, 05:13 PM

I subscribe to the 90-10 rule. Whenever you start a conversation with someone, you have to do 90% of the talking, while they do 10%. Whenever someone is approached in conversation they don't have much to say yet, unless its an issue / topic they feel strongly about.

What most people tend to do wrong in this situation, is assume they should only do 50% of the talking when approaching someone. Well, you do the math. You do 50%, they do 10%, thats 60%, not enough for a conversation to hold. So when you start, do most of the talking, and do so in a natural way, then slowly, as the other person gets into the conversation, ease out to a 50-50 sorta thing (I mean sorta because there's no real proportions to conversation, just theoretical guidelines).

Also, never in conversation discuss the awkwardness of the conversation. Drawing attention to awkwardness magnifies it. So "wow, we have nothing to talk about, huh" is not a good conversational piece. When I'm in conversation and the topic seems to die out and I don't remember any conversation cues to segue into, I'll tell a story of something funny that happened recently, or was related to something we discussed earlier, usually by then the conversation is rolling again and the other supplies their own story, asks questions, or volunteers bits of information to draw a new conversation from.

bbk · #13 (**permalink**) 29-04-07, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Great OV!!!

I think girls in general need to improve in conversation ability.

I would agree.
Im finding it so hard to talk to my ex. I really wanna be friends with her, but on MSN all I get are those one word answers and what not. And in person we dont talk at all. Its like I am always making the effort. I am always the one asking the questions, but I never get them asked back.
Ahh well.

Tired · #14 (**permalink**) 07-05-07, 01:36 PM

i can talk sports with a guy for hours....but im just clueless what to talk about with girls more times then not unless i already know them well. Like tomorrow at work, i'm gonna talk to everyone about the de la hoya vs mayweather fight but all i can think of to ask this chick im interested in was how was your weekend, what did you do....