making some one un-shy

[Gribble]

Being shy and being quiet are two entirely different things. Shyness stems from a lack of confidence. You don't talk because you're nervous, maybe even afraid. Not because you're just naturally tight-lipped.

[Tired]

Quote:

Originally Posted by zro

not everyone wants to be the centre of attention, to say shyness is a character flaw is ****ing stupid, some poeple are naturally quiet , dont seek approval from others and self confident enough in themselves to only open their gap to make a point or stick up for themselves, some of the strongest minded people i have ever met are shy and quiet, if anything confidence in my opinion has the potential of being more damaging than being reserved

great post

[Tired]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

You're only shy because you let yourself be. It isn't impossible to overcome. Make all the excuses you want, fact is it's a character flaw. Either you live with it and miss out or you put in a little effort and win big. That's your choice.

once again, i couldn't disagree more. Your shy because your just shy as a result of past experiences or upbringing or a combination of the two. It's a natural development. If someone is scared of the dark from a traumatizing experience in the past, they don't choose to be scared of the dark, they just are. Sure they can TRY to overcome it, they can take the right steps but that doesn't mean they will undoubtedly conquer their fear.

I used the example of the girl I work with that i like. I've gone out of my comfort zone to try and make her feel more comfortable around me, I've tried to push the conversations and I feel i've been successful in doing it. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still a little shy and hopeful that she'll like me in return. I've taken steps to improve my shyness or being quiet, but I'm just not a very talkative loudmouth person, and even when I've put forth the effort it still doesn't change the fact that I'm just naturally shy or quiet. It's just who I am at this point, and I feel its because of those 8th and 9th grade years i explained earlier, past experiences obviously change people especially at that young an age

[Gribble]

I don't think you know what the definition of shy is. So here you are, courtesy of Dictionary.com.

shy1 /ʃaɪ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[shahy] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, shy·er or shi·er, shy·est or shi·est, verb, shied, shy·ing, noun, plural shies.
1. bashful; retiring.
2. easily frightened away; timid.
3. suspicious; distrustful: I am a bit shy of that sort of person.
4. reluctant; wary.

That isn't the same as being a quiet person, nor is it the opposite of being an arrogant loudmouth. Furthermore, we're all shy to an extent. Most guys have a hard time asking women out. But despite this the healthy ones still do it. See, being shy is a problem when it begins to impair your life. I believe very strongly that we are capable of overcoming our fears. The first step is realizing this.

I would hope that if you were afraid of the dark you'd take measures to defeat that fear rather than spend the rest of your life sleeping with a nite-lite.

[Tired]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

I don't think you know what the definition of shy is. So here you are, courtesy of Dictionary.com.

shy1 /ʃaɪ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[shahy] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, shy·er or shi·er, shy·est or shi·est, verb, shied, shy·ing, noun, plural shies.
1. bashful; retiring.
2. easily frightened away; timid.
3. suspicious; distrustful: I am a bit shy of that sort of person.
4. reluctant; wary.

That isn't the same as being a quiet person, nor is it the opposite of being an arrogant loudmouth. Furthermore, we're all shy to an extent. Most guys have a hard time asking women out. But despite this the healthy ones still do it. See, being shy is a problem when it begins to impair your life. I believe very strongly that we are capable of overcoming our fears. The first step is realizing this.

I would hope that if you were afraid of the dark you'd take measures to defeat that fear rather than spend the rest of your life sleeping with a nite-lite.

I know the definition of shy, don't try and belittle me. If you want to argue with me try and show some respect and maturity along the way.

You may hope someone who fears the dark would take measures to defeat that fear, but like i said originally just because someone strives to conquer that fear it doesn't assure the fear will be conquered.

The same can apply to roller coasters, heights, asking out a potential significant other, performing presentations, holding snakes, bungee jumping, making new friends, applying for a job after being rejected by 10, etc....You can practice all the above, put in the effort, attempt multiple times, but like I said it doesn't mean any of those fears will be conquered or even lessened. For some people, sure.

They experience looking over the edge of 10 stories then progress to 20 and 30 and maybe it becomes easier, to others they may not be able to make it 10 stories no matter how hard they try.

To say "your only shy because you LET yourself be" is a completely entirely false and inaccurate statement

[LoveTwist]

If someone is naturally quiet / shy / social phobic, then yes you can overcome it to a degree. But its going to be harder for you to get to the same level of confidence as say a natural born 'loudmouth' or bossy person. Its the nature vs nurture thing, and genes have a definite impact on personality, so its not all within your control.

However, that doesn't mean you can't conquer your fears to some extent. Even the quietest person at school can improve their social skills, especially if they make an effort. It just takes practice and lots of it. Same as with anything really.

My cousin was always really quiet and shy when she was younger and now she can teach a class full of rowdy high school kids, and give scientific presentations. And I myself have always been kinda shy and was particularly bad at school. But over the years I've got a lot better at communicating. What’s really made a difference, is now I'm much happier in myself... but in the past I had very low self-esteem, especially in high school... Man, I was always picked on. If such a thing existed think I'd've probably made poster child for lamest kid in school. ... But now things are very different.... Now I’ve excepted that I’m a bit of a weirdo, so its all good.

[Converse]

Trying to make some one un-shy is like trying to get me shut up.

[vashti]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Converse

I've had 2 panic attacks before had to go to hospital because I thought I was having an Asma attack, feels like you're gonna die. Horrible. So glad I sorted my 'issues' out.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I had a panic attack driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, followed by a couple of panic attacks driving in a narrow freeway lane next to those big 18 wheelers, and now I live in fear of driving over bridges and next to large trucks. I seem to have mostly "gotten over" the truck thing, but I am forcing myself to drive over over-passes to try and get over it.

Gribble - I like the way you think. I wish you could be cloned and aged a couple of decades.

[Gribble]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Gribble - I like the way you think. I wish you could be cloned and aged a couple of decades.

Why, so I'd be fat and bald? Is that how you like your men?

And Tired, maybe you're right. Maybe some people lack the willpower and the strength to conquer their fears. I don't. And I like to believe I'm not the only one. It sounds as though you have a defeatist attitude and that's a real shame. But I can't make you see things my way, nor can I force you to improve yourself. If you choose not to make changes that's your business.

[Tired]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

And Tired, maybe you're right.

that's the only thing you've said in this thread that makes sense

[vashti]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

Why, so I'd be fat and bald? Is that how you like your men?

You'd be surprised what I might tolerate for intelligence and a good laugh now and then...

[Gribble]

Awwh. Thanks, Vash. I appreciate that coming from you.

[C172H]

Out of that list I must say I probably only relate to the 'mistrustful' part. But I don't really want to explain that here... Perhaps I am just naturally quiet. On the other hand, when I fly and have passengers I happily talk to them quite freely. Maybe im just in my element there.

Speaking of flying.. its amusing how the 'loud' people go quiet in turbulence. But then again, being scared and being shy are different things.

[Charlie Boy II]

One thing I've noticed - and it's apparent in this thread - is that shy people often nurse a fragile sense of superiority to compensate for their social inadequacies.

[vashti]

... and victimhood...