making some one un-shy - Love Forum

#1 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:23 AM

is it possible to make some one un-shy?
as in more confident, and open and able to talk openly infront of people

Gigabitch · #2 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:27 AM

zro · #3 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:28 AM

it depends imo, if someone has low self confidence, then yes its just going to take alot of ****ing therapy, but if the person is naturally quiet and shy, then all you are doing is pissing them and probably rubbing them the wrong way, either way i am guessing you are a female?? why do you ****ing feel the need to change someone - would you like it if someone tried to change you to suit their needs

#4 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:31 AM

why do you always have to swear? its rude!

and anyway i want my SO to dance with me infront of evry1 and he's shy. hardly changing him

Gigabitch · #5 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostNotFound

why do you always have to swear? its rude!

Actually, I like the ****ing swearing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostNotFound

and anyway i want my SO to dance with me infront of evry1 and he's shy. hardly changing him

I suggest you offer him a reward.

C172H · #6 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:38 AM

I think that if someone is naturally shy it will take alot to get them to open up. It depends on why they are shy. If its due to trust issues, then I think the only way to get them to open up is to just be there for them. If they seem down make sure that they know you're there for them if they ever need to talk. Spend a fair bit of time with them too. The more the person is around you the more they'll grow in confidence with you and be less shy.

zro · #7 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 03:39 AM

hahaha, even giga swears, i only said "****" twice, you got off lucky, i am just joking, dont take it to heart

is this dancing shit really important? its not ****ing worth trying to change him is it? if he doesnt want to dance, then its no big ****ing deal

giga's idea wasnt too bad, offer him a reward it might work

enterprise · #8 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C172H

I think that if someone is naturally shy it will take alot to get them to open up. It depends on why they are shy. If its due to trust issues, then I think the only way to get them to open up is to just be there for them. If they seem down make sure that they know you're there for them if they ever need to talk. Spend a fair bit of time with them too. The more the person is around you the more they'll grow in confidence with you and be less shy.

I couldn't agree more with that post, unless vashti said it. Spot-on when it comes to me and some other shy people i know. I would dance in front of others if i was comfortable with the person, not as much atmosphere, like if the girl i liked asked me to dance, i'd say yes. if i girl who i know asks me to dance randomly i would. if i had never seen the girl before i'd consider both her and the atmosphere.

-try starting slow. maybe hold hands more in front of others. and so on, and build up.

Edit: about the talking openly, thats one huge hurdle you'd have to help him over and that'd take forever. I'm better than i used to be but still not 100%.

C172H · #9 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 06:47 AM

lol Yeah I know what im talking about because i'm quite shy myself.

Converse · #10 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 07:50 AM

You should like the person for who they are and not try to change their personality.

C172H · #11 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 07:57 AM

I agree, but theres no harm in trying to get a shy person to open up abit. When a girl is interested in me and tries to get me to open up I think its quite sweet, so long as she isnt going to lead me on and cause me emotional trauma..lol.

Converse · #12 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 07:59 AM

Yeah true.

C172H · #13 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 08:02 AM

Its just nice when someone makes the effort to learn about you and doesnt make you feel uneasy.

What is wrong is when people condemn others for being shy or make them feel uneasy about it.

vashti · #14 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 08:06 AM

I think it is equally wrong to make people work ridiculously hard to try and get to know you. You shy people have got to learn to carry your own weight in a conversation. It need not necessarily be 50/50, but you shouldn't be making people work too hard, either. Be responsive. Answer in complete sentences rather than single words. Show some interest in getting to know a little bit about the other person by asking a question every now and then. Quit focusing on yourself and your own discomfort.

I tend to be a little on the shy side, but I don't consider it a virtue - it is a problem I feel needs to be worked on actively.

Converse · #15 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 08:09 AM

That's true Vash. When I'm out with quiet shy people I feel like I have to be the one talking so it's not silent, I hate that; otherwise it would be so awkward.