I just don't feel pretty enough.

[Sybella]

I'm looking for advice on how to build my self esteem. i'm in my mid 20's. healthy except for a small smoking habit and at a somewhat healthy weight. I have no reason to think I'm unattractive but I just don't feel it.

I'm looking for a way to boost my self esteem without fishing for compliments. Guys hitting on me kinda makes my honey jealouse and I dont' blame him. I'm the same way.

Anyway any advice is welcome.

Oh and you may also tell me that I just need to relax and grow some balls and not care what people think. I get told that all the time but it just doesn't work.

[Tiay]

y'know, I've struggled with this too. still am. I've read about stupid "activities" to help yourself feel better about yourself, such as making a list of your ten best qualities and achievements, or making a self-esteem 'calendar' (don't ask). but frankly these things are mostly bullshit.

the only way i've found to build self-esteem that works for me is to do something completely overwhelming which you don't think you can manage, and do it anyway.

such as.. loose weight. not because you need to, but because it's a very empowering thing to do. In general, take on a challenge that initially scares you.

[LordOfTehVirgin]

There was another post just like this below this one so I will post what I said there.

Just keep yourself in good shape by working out, eating right, and practicing keeping your body well taken care of. You will feel different and over time it can make you look different in a positive way.

One big thing is what you eat. I used to feel like crap all the time not because I had gotten fat from eating to much, I have never been fat. Instead it was because my body was not getting everything it should have been so I was feeling down and sometimes just out of energy. Just try eating well and see how you feel. Less sweets to. I do not even drink soda anymore since I got used to other things and now they taste good to me and soda taste like crap every time I drink it.

ADDED: For me it just feels like I got a lot of energy and a positive outlook all the time. I can get up easily at 5:00 in the morning now and not 12:00 in the afternoon like normal. I even got the energy to make breakfast for the family and try cooking different things sometimes. That is a big one since before changing my diet, I hated cooking. Also by working out some I put on some muscle without a big workout routine because of my good eating habits. I know it may seem like a bunch of bs reading text, but it really has made a huge difference.

[vashti]

She said her weight is healthy, and besides, what a person weighs has little connection to a true sense of self esteem. Lots of big people feel just fine about themselves as a person, even if they aren't happy with their weight. Conversely, lots of thin people hate themselves.

Anyway, I think the way to have self esteem is to earn it. I think this is usually done best by finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards, such as volunteer work or becoming an expert in something meaningful. You need to try to make a difference to OTHER people.

[Sybella]

That does make sense. I guess if I did more with myself than just work than I would feel better. I never used to have this problem but then I used to dance and do theater from high school all the way through college so I never had time to think about it.

I can be so dumb sometimes. thanks guys.

[vashti]

Yeah, keep up the exercise so you can continue to feel healthy, but start looking for more meaningful things to occupy yourself with.

BTW - I LOVE the movie "Chicago".

[LordOfTehVirgin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

She said her weight is healthy, and besides, what a person weighs has little connection to a true sense of self esteem. Lots of big people feel just fine about themselves as a person, even if they aren't happy with their weight. Conversely, lots of thin people hate themselves.

Anyway, I think the way to have self esteem is to earn it. I think this is usually done best by finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards, such as volunteer work or becoming an expert in something meaningful. You need to try to make a difference to OTHER people.

.... I did not say anything about weight. I said that it can often do with what you eat that can reflect the way your body feels. If you eat and unbalanced diet, you will have less energy and a less positive outlook than those who have tons of energy from eating right.

Sure there weight may have no connection, but if they eat really unhealthy while at that weight it can.

Just like you said, "finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards", you need the energy from a healthy life style to find more about yourself. People with the energy will not be able to sit down all day and do nothing. They will feel more ready to do something. It is just a thought and my beliefs. Everyone I know who eats healthy seems to do a lot more with themselves than others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sybella

That does make sense. I guess if I did more with myself than just work than I would feel better. I never used to have this problem but then I used to dance and do theater from high school all the way through college so I never had time to think about it.

I can be so dumb sometimes. thanks guys.

You do not sound like a person with any problems on what I mentioned. Sounds interesting to take a dance class. I once considered it but I figured it would be goofy for me to learn the type I wanted to considering where I live and my age group heh.

[Sybella]

I never really thought about the way my eating habits might make me feel about myself and since eating seems to be something I do on rare occasions, meaning, I don't eat very often, that could explain a lot.

[Sybella]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordOfTehVirgin

.... I did not say anything about weight. I said that it can often do with what you eat that can reflect the way your body feels. If you eat and unbalanced diet, you will have less energy and a less positive outlook than those who have tons of energy from eating right.

Sure there weight may have no connection, but if they eat really unhealthy while at that weight it can.

Just like you said, "finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards", you need the energy from a healthy life style to find more about yourself. People with the energy will not be able to sit down all day and do nothing. They will feel more ready to do something. It is just a thought and my beliefs. Everyone I know who eats healthy seems to do a lot more with themselves than others.



You do not sound like a person with any problems on what I mentioned. Sounds interesting to take a dance class. I once considered it but I figured it would be goofy for me to learn the type I wanted to considering where I live and my age group heh.

How old are you? One is never to old or to young to dance. Unless its like stripping which is kinda gross. You know my dad has wanted to take dance lessons for years and I happen to think that two of the greatest movie stars were also dancers. They would be Gene Kelly and Fred Astair. Of course all their costars are just as amazing.

[anachronistic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sybella

One is never to old or to young to dance.

too young: completely unable to walk yet

too old: unable to move anymore.



dancing is just not for some people. i hate dancing. when i am at the dance floor i can't help but act like a dork and do silly moves like 'the cowbell'

[Sybella]

Hey now the cowbell is still a respectable move.

and the dancing I did was mostly ballet and stuff.

Your right I guess you can be to old or too young but as long as your able to move you can still dance even if it is the cowbell. My pesonal favorite though is the lawn mower.

hee hee.

[Frasbee]

I couldn't stand the movie Chicago.

It just kept on going and going and going.

[Sybella]

It is an ok movie. My mom tried to tell me once I looked like Cathrine Zeta Jones. I laughed really hard cause, well, I don't.

Good music though.

[Raverboy808]

call me carefree.. but why does the opinions of others really matter when you're bf is the one who sees you naked? i think that people tend to worry what others think of them because it's how society is raised. forget everyone else because their opinions are only biased thoughts.

raverboy

[Only-virgins]

If you have guys hitting on you then doesn't that tell you something right there?