I just don't get it - Love Forum

Asura · #1 (**permalink**) 13-06-07, 08:36 AM

Well, I just dont get what's the fuss all about, I mean, Love, why is suddenly love so important and our lives become so empty without it?

Do really our lives become empty without love? And I mean love in all kind of ways, towards a companion, family, friend, even job or the nation you live or born in.

For personal experience, I think more important than Love, it's myself that its important, and that works for everyone, not as "myself", but as the "individual".

I mean, everyone has its price, sometimes the price can be surprisingly low, but everyone has one, that price is the objectives, well-being, dreams and projects everyone has for their own. If someone has a project to start a family, off course it will get a partner, make or adopt children and get married, if someone's objective is to climb the Himalaias, of course that person will learn how to climb, buy the necessary objects to do it and try to overcome the big mountain.

It's all based in how much someone profits with the situation they are in, no one is engaged or dating another person if they don't find a way to profit for themselves, wether is sex, being loved or love the other or even just be and talk with the person it's considered special.
But if that persons stops garanting the "profit" needed then what happens is that they break up, wether it's because it stopped finding him/her interesting, attractive or because the "other" has changed.

With family, it happens the same, the family is just a group we're inserted in since our birth and it occurs the same "contractual process".
We are born because two people wanted to, wether it's to have a chance of prolonguing their genetic material or because it's just a personal project.
We are fed, thaught and nurtured by our parents cause they want us to fit in a society so we can follow the normal path of having a good life according to the modern standarts. So, family, ends up being a symbiotical chain of relations.

With friends happens the same, friendship is one of the most common ways to fit it, to don't feel alone and rejected, so basically, we are establish friendships so we dont want to feel alone and rejected.

In all these cases, the main verb wasnt «to love», it was «to want», and the only reason we «want» it's because it benefits us, it goes towards our personal objectives.

Basically, we establish harmonious interpessoal relationships of any kind to reach a personal objective, and for what I get, we don't need love, we need to get our own objectives, projects and dreams succeed.

For those who think this is a "anti-love" text, I answer this is just a reflection I made some time ago.

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 13-06-07, 08:44 AM

Well, depending on your age, I think people who are consumed with ideas about love are simply experiencing Erik Erikson's 6th stage of development, which is "intimacy versus isolation". It's a normal part of growing up.

kaylen22 · #3 (**permalink**) 13-06-07, 08:59 AM

I see your point there, but I have my own point of view, too. I've never said I "love" someone before, because I don't really believe it exists within us nowadays. We're too blinded with our own wants and needs.

You are right. We want to be loved, we want sex, etc etc etc by having a partner. However, it doesn't always benefit us: You get hurt, you cry, you fell to the rock bottom. That's the price to pay for liking someone. At the same time, you feel things that you thought you'd never feel or never felt before. Noone can explain why you have those kind of feelings or where that feeling came from.
There are a lot of divorces and maybe it kinda gets to your point of view somehow. That's one of the reason I don't quite believe in the existence of love within humans. My parents are technically divorced, too. I'm trying to not let it affect me though.

Have you ever liked someone? I honestly don't see the harm in liking someone. It is profitable, though you have to go through alot of crap before you get that profit. Even so, after you go through all of those crap times together, that's when you start realising that it is her/him that's important. It's not that we feel empty without "love"... it's just that we can't survive on our own. In a way, it's not that we only "want" them, we "need" them, too.

It's still a wonder, why do you feel happy when you're with someone? Even when the time is hard, you still find yourself smiling at the thought of her/him being next to you. If only feelings can be created, things would be much easier; though it will make things less special. After all, happiness won't exist without sadness.

I don't know why you feel that way, but i guess you have your own reasons. I have nothing against your point of view, because I see alot of points in your comment. Can't you see though? when you want to love and you're loved in return... it's all that matters. Wherever it goes, it happens for a reason.

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 13-06-07, 11:18 AM

Yes, intimacy versus isolation... Classic psychosocial developmental stage. Everything you say is experienced by pretty much everyone - for varying lengths of time, of course - because some people cling more contentedly to their pessimism. There really is nothing new under the sun.

Only-virgins · #5 (**permalink**) 13-06-07, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asura

Well, I just dont get what's the fuss all about, I mean, Love, why is suddenly love so important and our lives become so empty without it?

Because we are biologically programmed to want to be with someone and being in a longer relationship increases the survival chance of the baby. Don't worry though, we have scientists working around the clock to make something to get rid of these useless feelings these days. That or they are still working on shit to make our penis bigger or make us have sex when we don't want too. Wtf is up with all the sexual enhancing drugs? why can we not have the opposite?

Decrease your sex drive today and increase your productivity by 95%!!!

It should read on the bottle.

zro · #6 (**permalink**) 14-06-07, 12:43 AM

because humans in general are weak minded filth, the thought of walking through life alone scares them - so they seek partnership and assurance, truth is (for me anyway) "love"/human contact is not more important than money, health or physical development, humans are needy in nature so as you said even though we try to mask it, its the selfish and weak minded part of us that longs for "love"

dont get me wrong, i one day hope to meet a "the" woman - but no way in ****ing hell am i sacrificing money (eg job oppurtunity), my health or my physical activity (eg boxing or weights) for her, and if i dont find "the" woman i will be alright, i survived the first 23 years alone, another 23 wont ****ing hurt me

Frasbee · #7 (**permalink**) 14-06-07, 12:54 AM

If you can die happy completely isolated from the rest of the world, good for you. But don't try reaching out to us with your irrefutable logic, 'cause nobody else cares.

You'll never achieve what you spout, if you can't accept that.

Now go away.

zro · #8 (**permalink**) 14-06-07, 01:08 AM

was that to me you little four eyed ****?? you a moderator.....no, then shut the **** up, its my point of view, whether you agree with it or not, i dont give a ****, when did you actually think that my post was in any way directed to you, you that ****ing conceeded??

Frasbee · #9 (**permalink**) 14-06-07, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zro

was that to me you little four eyed ****?? you a moderator.....no, then shut the **** up, its my point of view, whether you agree with it or not, i dont give a ****, when did you actually think that my post was in any way directed to you, you that ****ing conceeded??

No, that was to the original poster.

I'd quote you specifically otherwise, because you're not the thread starter.

As I did here for example.

zro · #10 (**permalink**) 14-06-07, 01:11 AM

i am sorry for taking a swipe, i was at fault

Only-virgins · #11 (**permalink**) 14-06-07, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zro

because humans in general are weak minded filth, the thought of walking through life alone scares them - so they seek partnership and assurance, truth is (for me anyway) "love"/human contact is not more important than money, health or physical development, humans are needy in nature so as you said even though we try to mask it, its the selfish and weak minded part of us that longs for "love"

dont get me wrong, i one day hope to meet a "the" woman - but no way in ****ing hell am i sacrificing money (eg job oppurtunity), my health or my physical activity (eg boxing or weights) for her, and if i dont find "the" woman i will be alright, i survived the first 23 years alone, another 23 wont ****ing hurt me

I want to agree, but it is biological. I prefer to be alone but sometimes during lonely nights the chemicals in my brain tell me to find someone, they cause anxiety and I get a lack of sleep...frustrated of course.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zro

was that to me you little four eyed ****?? you a moderator.....no, then shut the **** up, its my point of view, whether you agree with it or not, i dont give a ****, when did you actually think that my post was in any way directed to you, you that ****ing conceeded??

You have a lot of hostility and anger, holy shit man.