More non-productive musing from yours truly...

[Aegis]

Disclaimer: Everything below is just me bitching. None of it will enhance your day (unless it makes you feel better about yourself). It's merely something to read if you feel like hearing what someone who thinks they have it rough has to complain about.

Yeah, so on the 18th, it will be 1 full month since that friend told me 'no more us.' It's been the most ridiculous thing I've ever undergone. I seriously haven't had any fun in a month. I mean, damnit, everything that should be fun isn't, 'cause there's that obnoxious, ever-present hint of a whisper in the back of my mind saying, "you're missing someone." Goddamn month and it hasn't gone away. Not calling her has been absurdly tough; I think willing myself to asphyxiation by refusing to breath would be easier. I kinda ran out of things to do last night for about 2 hours before I'd planned to go to sleep. Man that sucked. Full two hours of feeling sorry for myself.

Way better today while I'm writing this, but it's gonna be a pain occupying myself 'til bedtime. Exercise would be a handy resort, but my entire body's aching from yesterday already, and so yeah, I may as well give it some time heal up before I use it to assuage my mind again. (Might as well benefit from the restlessness)

Funny thing is, from an outside, purely objective point of view, this is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. Sooooo much more productive, my lifestyle has become so much more healthy (after the initial alcohol binge, lol). Pulling in a lot more money, I have last semester's tuition paid, I'll be able to pay off this semester pretty soon, and on top of that I might even be able to afford my own place *in town*, without stumbling across that deal of a lifetime I had before...whole house of people canceled, so they rented out rooms, I got one for $550/mo, and managed to scare off all other prospective roommates for most of the year...end result was I rented my own house for a year for $550/mo...

Yeah, so I'm just dumping out my life on the forum here, but its therapeutic and you didn't have to read it. : P

Anyway, the whole reason I even posted was for this small revelation...something I've heard many times, in different forms, and have always dismissed. In hanging around this girl, and developing, unknowingly, such a strong attachment to her, I've inadvertently wasted all that time, time I could have spent building something that I intended to keep. I know I built something with her 'cause I can feel the disconnect, there's definitely something missing from my life.

To put it to a disgusting analogy, you could call it a tumor, since I never wanted it in the first place. Well it's gone now and there's a big damn hole. Actually...when I think about it...she was good for me, but I wasn't for her...I think I was the tumor, and now I've nothing to feed off. rofl...I paint myself such a pleasant portrait.

Well, back to the grindstone; get something done, make some money, and remind myself there's more out there.

[DoesntMatter]

YaY I read all of that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aegis

Well, back to the grindstone; get something done, make some money, and remind myself there's more out there.

I'm just the opposite, I don't know if there is anything I can do besides make money, because I suck at everything else.

But don't forget... I imagine she was a very, very good thing to happen to you. Imagine if you never had her, how you would have felt, and things you would have thought, and maybe done..

[Frasbee]

So then...what's the plan then?

[Gigabitch]

Aegis, it's fun watching you grow into a real man.

[Aegis]

Who knows what I'd be like without her...more content at this very moment I think. Certainly much more naive...this really did kinda open a door into a whole new aspect of life; kept hearing about it, but didn't really bother to investigate.

The plan, if you can stand the lack of detail, is to stop half-assing it. Not gonna put time into something I know I'll discontinue. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to enact that though...the community college classes are closed, so not gonna be taking any fluff classes in order to meet people; my job requires the company of a computer and an occasional meeting with middle-aged-older men, and as I'd mentioned, the friends are fast-becoming settled down. I'm the dinosaur, as it were; something from a bygone age. I've gotta evolve, lol.

And Giga, at least someone's having fun. I'm wholly dissatisfied with myself...but I s'pose I can't say I wasn't warned several times.

And I'm gonna turn off my European death-metal/gothic stuff & listen to some country, 'cause it's feel-good music. : P

[Gigabitch]

Jeeze. Country is all about "my brother stole my truck and my girl and my dog". If that's feel-good compared to what you've been listening to, I think we may have identified a large part of your problem.

[Frasbee]

Listen to some Streetlight Manifesto.

It's a good band.

[misombra]

you're becoming a man.

but you're still my poolboy.

[Gribble]

My friends are passing me by, too, Aegis. One got married, another announced his engagement, and a third's been seeing the same chick since we were in high school together.

So now I hang out with a younger crowd. I figure by the time I'm too old to be hanging out with the young and the carefree my friends will all be divorced and looking to enjoy life again, so it's all good.

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

I figure by the time I'm too old to be hanging out with the young and the carefree my friends will all be divorced and looking to enjoy life again, so it's all good.

I love that logic.

[Aegis]

how obnoxious...I was trying to link something in my response for hours, wouldn't let me, so I assumed I just couldn't post. Apparently the php chokes on the link I was trying to do, some lyrics, which I happen to like.

[misombra]

here's my song for you aeg.

YouTube - Journey - Who's Crying Now (Live in...

one heart feeds the fire
one heart burns desire
i wonder who's cryin now?
two hearts born to run
who'll be the lonely one
i wonder who's cryin now?

[misombra]

wow that is awesome.

[Aegis]

Holy crap, that is appropriate. Ouch!