guys help...

[jinx343]

i am sitting on my bed crying coz i feel awful right now. i never realized how much i have changed... until tonight. i thought i was very much ok. maybe i was ok in some areas of my life.. but i hate how i am not the fun person i used to be... i hate how i placed that imaginary shield in front of me coz i dont want to be deceived or hurt again. i have become blunt and dont know who to trust anymore...i guess had been like this for the past weeks until this night when i had been bluntly honest with someone who was just trying to make fun and make me laugh. i didnt feel bad until he told me that somehow i should learn how to trust guys again coz not all people are like the person who gave me the reason not to trust guys anymore.

please help.. some encouraging words and honest advices would be a very big help. this site has helped me much through the rough patch i had been.. i know it will continue to help me in more ways... thanks in advance guys.

[DoesntMatter]

It sounds like you're going through some changes. Transitions can be pretty tough, I'm sure in a while you'll be feeling good again

[Illusional]

wow you let one guy give you a run around and now all guys are bad... you probably don't think this way, however, this is how you are coming off to other people. now doesn't it sound a little absurd??

raverboy

I think you take things too personal. Your soul is too young and not strong enough. You should recognize that he needs to earn your trust, as does anyone else.

Some people build up insecurities, but insecurities are only misconceptions. You just need to sit down and think. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, maybe you just need to accept who you are, and say that's enough.

[Tone]

Cheer up.

Life is a series of challenges and a constant test of character.

Nothing worth having comes easy. ( )

[misombra]

you'll develop some confidence and you'll believe more in what you say.

this happens when you get a little older. anything you say or do is subject to critique and being twisted around and not everybody is going to like it. that's why it's better to say what you mean.

i've lost friends in the process of being as honest and blunt as i am now. but i know that my true friends are the ones who can take it and appreciate it, even if they don't like what i have to say.

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx343

but i hate how i am not the fun person i used to be... i hate how i placed that imaginary shield in front of me coz i dont want to be deceived or hurt again.

You know I've noticed lately. When we don't want to be decieved or hurt any more and put up imaginary shields is when we end up getting hurt the most. Defense attracts the hurting. Because it makes our vulnerabilities transparent to others. It screams out "Here, see how weak I am, please don't hurt me".

Resilience on the other hand challenges hurt. It invites hurt only to a test of strength and naturally hurt which is attracted to weakness is repulsed. Rise up without fear, go out looking for challenges from which you can learn, take responsibility for all of your actions even if they contributed to failures and most likely this instead of being defensive will make sure you are not decieved or hurt again.

[jinx343]

hey guys, i appreciate everything you said and thank you..

DM: yeah i think so too.. just hope i will get through this soon enough with no major damage

ILLUSIONAL: unfortunately it did happen.. but i basically dont think all guys are alike. just that i can't help but think hard and let my guards up every time somebody flirts with me.. makes me think what their motives could be. ever since, i really have issues on deception that's why it's really hard for me right now.

LILWING: i guess it will take some time again for me to trust somebody. but i know i should learn how to trust again.. one way or another.

TONE: yeah you're right.."Nothing worth having comes easy". i will always keep that in mind.

MISOMBRA: i guess im still in the process of adjusting to the new me.. but i honestly didnt want to hurt anyone else's feelings. i just want to be honest with everybody. i don't want to miss and lose those people who could be true and sincere with me so i guess i have to tone it down. but as you said, i could only prove who those real people are if they will still have me no matter what i have said...

MISHANYA: you summed it all up for me very well.. and i agree this defense i have put on is hurting me more than helping me else i wouldnt have felt this way. you've just enlightened me.

damn.. experience really IS a hard teacher. it gives the test first and the lesson afterwards.

[tooxshort]

Hey, you realize what's wrong and now you leave the door open to improve the quality of your situation ...

You'll pull through ... a month or so doesn't make anyone 100% ... but the more time that goes by, the more realization occurs ...

Keep ya head up ... day by day ...

[jinx343]

thanks tooxshort..with time i know i will.. the realization just came last night and i think i have to act on it.

yes.. 1 month is not enough time obviously.and i guess all of you will still be hearing from me about those "realizations" some time soon. hope i will still have you all to beat the crap out of me. lol.

you guys are a very big help. wish i could hug y'all.

[1averagejoe]

Time...you need time. I remember feeling like this not that long ago. I actually made a thread about it as well. Whenever you feel down or bad about something, you just need to keep telling yourself that it will get better. And it will, I promise! Your confidence in yourself is something that you need to focus on now. I've found that confidence and happiness go hand in hand. If you're confident in yourself, you'll be happy with yourself. Get involved in some activities, set a goal, accomplish it, and be proud of yourself. Even something small, it all adds up. For me personally, I've never been so confident and shy-less (is that a word?) in my life. I've always been so scared to open up and talk to people. But after breaking up with my ex I slowly brought myself to learn to be more confident in myself, and I've found that I'm just happier because of it.

The trust issues is something you'll need to learn to control. As hard as it is, force yourself to do what you know is right. Even if you have trouble trusting someone, just go through with it. Continue to do this, it will get easier, and eventually you will learn to trust again. Just remember there are good people out there, like your friend said "not all people are like the person who gave you the reason not to trust guys anymore."

There are quite a few of us out there that really do want to care for you.

[jinx343]

thanks again 1averagejoe. i'm sure someday after all of these.. i will look back and see the purpose of all the things that have happened and would be forever grateful for all your sound advices.

every time i meet someone here who tells me he has been through what i have been through, it's more than enough to make me feel better knowing it's not i alone who experienced it. and what's more, you successfully surpassed it.. it makes me see the bright side of life and makes me feel strong to face everything that has come and would still come my way.

i need people like you from time to time... and im very happy i am part of this site.

yes, i've noticed i have become more confident and even love myself more now. just the trust issue i need to work on. it's the part i really find hard to face.. but i will. i promise myself that. there's no point asking for all your opinions and advices if i won't listen to them.

yes, there are quite a"few" guys like you out there.. which makes it even harder. lol but hopefully i will meet even just one of you......

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx343

damn.. experience really IS a hard teacher. it gives the test first and the lesson afterwards.

And for a good reason too. Would you really be able to appreciate or even understand the lesson any other way? It's hard to know until you live through it.

[jinx343]

yes mish.. i agree. so i guess we all have no choice other than to enjoy the long and bumpy ride....

[Mishanya]

I think it gets less bumpy the more lessons we learn and the better we get at handling them. Future is mostly patterns that repeat.