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Thread: Why do men suddenly pull away?

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    Why do men suddenly pull away?

    So what's up with the whole men-suddenly-withdrawing-from-a-relationship thing? According to Dr. John Gray (the author of Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus), it's not necessary that he's lost interest. On the contrary, he might be very interested and need to assess his feelings and the situation. When this happens, the girl needs to be patient and willing to welcome him back (if he comes back). I'm not so sure about this.....would love to hear from some guys. Do you feel the need to pull back when things are going great? If so, why? And what makes you go back? Do you agree that a girl should leave the guy alone when he's going through this stage?

    Got this from a blog:

    First of all, this is completely normal reaction from a guy. You two have had a good time. He says he likes you. I have strong feeling he does. What men often try to accomplish by pulling away is their sense of autonomy and independence. Too much intimacy for men often makes them weak and as a result men lose their sense of self. So ironically, often the more a guy cares about you and feels intimacy with you, the more he feels at times the need to pull away.

    My mentor Dr. John Gray (Author of: Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice) explains this concept by comparing men to a rubber band. When a guy is intimate with a woman the rubber band loosens and it becomes limp ☺. This causes us to lose our strength and sense of self. In order for us to feel like we have something to give again we often have to pull away, the rubber band stretches, to then spring back to you with even more force than before.

    In his latest book Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, Dr. John Gray also explains this phenomenon in terms of our hormonal differences. Men and women simply cope with stress and with relationships differently. Hormonally speaking when a man wants to pull away he wants to regain his testosterone levels. Too much intimacy lowers a man’s testosterone levels. Ironically, this means that too much intimacy can actually make a man feel stressed out. It is testosterone that lowers a man’s stress levels (as measured by cortisol levels). The lower a man’s testosterone levels the more he will feel the need to pull away.

    Women, however, have a different reaction to intimacy. The more intimacy you experience, the more your oxytocin levels gets stimulated. It is oxytocin that is the hormone responsible for bonding, happy feelings, both in men and women. However, it is oxytocin, not testosterone, that lowers stress in a woman’s body (as measured by cortisol levels).

    This is the primary reason why after shared intimacy and good times it is completely normal for you to feel like you want to spend even more time with him, while he is now ready to retreat and pull away. So my advice to you is this. If he has said he likes you, just trust that he is going to spring back to you again when he is ready and be happy to see him when he does.

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    I think it's all bogus. It's trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense (romance/relationships.)

    In my opinion, it's pretty simple; if a guy is crazy about you.. truly crazy about you.. he's going to want to spend time with you and not pull away. I've never had any sort of urge to "retreat" or "pull away" from a girl I've really liked; only girls that I've felt were starting to like me much more than I like them. And the only time I come back is when I get lonely and want company, not because I suddenly became ready.

    I've never had a guy friend that pulled away from a girl he really, truly liked. Or a guy that pulled away and then went back and it worked out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi View Post
    only girls that I've felt were starting to like me much more than I like them.
    Why? Why do guys get put off when a girl really likes them? If, as the guy, you've expressed your feelings and even spoken about marriage, then isn't it natural for the girl to show the same amount of interest in you? Why would you suddenly pull away?

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    Quote Originally Posted by geekygirl View Post
    Why? Why do guys get put off when a girl really likes them? If, as the guy, you've expressed your feelings and even spoken about marriage, then isn't it natural for the girl to show the same amount of interest in you? Why would you suddenly pull away?
    Did you actually read his post??...he said "girls that are starting to like me much more than i like them" ...meaning exactly that, if a girl likes a guy more than he likes her, he's not going to want to encourage it knowing that the relationship is going to be one sided.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by qwertz View Post
    Did you actually read his post??...he said "girls that are starting to like me much more than i like them" ...meaning exactly that, if a girl likes a guy more than he likes her, he's not going to want to encourage it knowing that the relationship is going to be one sided.
    Oh ok....sorry about that. Didn't really get that.....I'm working on an assignment at the same so I guess I wasn't really paying attention.

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