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Thread: feeling of being pushed away?

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    feeling of being pushed away?

    I have a bad feeling, given the signs im picking up and or feeling.

    a week ago my g/f started becoming more distant i felt, more bla, i knew she has stress at work, stress from a child, had been slacking on cleaning her place as she said but i thought it was fine. Has allergies like no end right now, and theres me. I do not try and cause stress at all. I asked her if somthing was wrong basicly a week ago, said yes and indirectly it was me. I asked if i should leave or take my things, she said no. she stated she was use to it just being her and her kid and now there me (its been me for 3 months) i asked if there was a problem me being her bf. said she no. I also asked if she wanted the sex to stop, she said only on peroid week cuz we cant. She also said how about i sleep over every other day. ok friday i was kinda burned out so i took the day off work. friday morning i said just let me know when i can come over, she seemed fine. I got a text from her end of night, asking how my day was, got 2 texts and she contacted me on her own.

    next day i never got any contact, thought it was strange, at least 1 text a day and nothing, i send her a text at night, and few hours later got one back, she seemed happy and had smiles in the text.

    next day she worked 12 hours, sunday night ended no contact at all. monday morning i sent a text asking if she wanted to take a walk, she got back few hours later said maybe later, later came, texted me we went to park with her child for an hour. she seemed better, hugged kissed, she was close to me like normal.

    tuesday came, no contact again, i send a text hi how are you and get back a lol, im good u? not sure what was funny about it. later i texted i was laying down i was laying down in bed, just wanted to see how her day was if she is free to chat alittle. she texted right back the girls father was over and in a few shes be free. the father is out of the picture, jsut drops the girl off and some things everynow and then. he has a active g/f. my g/f cant stand the father also at all.

    well i end up falling asleep, wokeup check phone never got a call or a text back. got up early checked face book and shes never really a super active person on there but notice shes attening some band from people at her work saturday with her friends. normaly i always get invited to these kinda things and im kinda upset as i dont know whats happeneing

    now all of a sudden im thinking worst case, she wants nothint to do with me. I have things at her place and she never told me to take anything, said i could keep stuff there. Im on her cell plan, and she had things at my house.

    Im not woman, but i dated alot of them and have noticed what its like to be pushed away, or ignored. im not trying to bug her, a text a day i dont think is bugging when your just wantint to see how you girlfriends day might have went. I care. i feel like im not being cared about now. I also understand space but she never said like i dont wanna see you for a week or 2. i thought every other day ment every other day and when that came i got ignored.

    what should i do? im very use to being with her and her child, im trying to find things to do but i dont want it to make it look like im ignoring her. nor am i wanting to start stalking her. do i ask after a week when i can come over and see you? the week prior to her period she was very tired and didnt want to have sex at all. im just trying to figure out whats really going on if its more then what i was told.

    going off past g/f when sex stopped she was seeing my mechanic...now i dont have any gut feeling she seeing anyone else or anything like that. but i have a gut feeling im being ignored on purpose cuz that phones by her hand all the time. i have never been one to smother her either when were togther, shed have time at night or weekends to do what she needed and so did it, regaurdless if we were in the same room or appartment together.

    i dont really have anyone to talk to and i dont wanna bug her cuz when ya bug ya piss people off more if they already trying to get some distance. just need some woman advice as to what really might be happening cuz ive honestly never had a fight or anything with her, we always got alone well and agreed alot on so much, the week before i got texts i like you and she checked on on me and her dog every night cuz i house sat for her while away with her family for 4 days to NC. and yes they went there.

    just upset and very worried. we have days planned to do things on june 10th and july aug and sept and im just very uneasy about the entire thing. hot then cold....and wtf am i supose to do?

    shes 28 ill be 28 in 3 months...i dont think we are very young but i dont want games, she was very mature. harder thing is im falling for her and realizing im attched to the kid also and this is a situation ive never been in so its really wearing me thin.
    Last edited by oldskool83; 01-06-11 at 07:25 PM.

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    Ya I would suspect the same thing if my guy started to act distant and things were changing. I read a men's article called "When did you know it was over". One of them mentioned that he knew his marriage was over because his wife stopped cleaning the house and was spending time going out.

    The only thing I suggest to do is have a serious talk with her and don't tolerate any of these crap ass answers she's been using to blow you off with. If she doesn't cooperate start packing your bags. If you show you mean business, it just might give her the jolt she needs to work things out.
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    You should quit texting her and use the bloody voice function on your phone. You can't tell by texts if she's happy, sad, distant. No voice reflection = angst and confusion.

    Get a life and start living it without her in it. You sound desperate and without options other than her... It's very stressful and demanding to be the source of someone elses only happiness.

    Pull up your man pants, and go get your stuff from her and take home to your own place, Give her some space and let her chase you for a change. She knows she has you hooked. You don't have a clue if she's hooked on you... What does that tell you about who holds all the power in your very new relationship?

    If she asks you why you're taking your stuff home, just tell her you need it. She doesn't need to know anything more.

    If you want to keep this girl you're going to do the exact opposite to what your jonesing to do. When someone is running from you ... stop chasing them.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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    whats why i had a talk with her last week. if she wanted me gone fine ill go, might not be want i want but i push. she never said anything about not wanting me as a bf. we went to bed then everything was fine, morning was fine also, hang out sunday was fine. nothing out of the normal. i tent to go off gut feelings. all of a sudden i got one it didnt go away so i asked the next day to talk.

    ive said friday and ive said sunday let me know when ya want me to come over. she said ok i will. if sending a text if not giving space ill gladly stop. not sure what a text hurts but then again i dont know what going on in her head other then stresses of work as shes told me.

    my home pretty boring so its been hard to find things to do to pass all the time. i myself if i wanted to be left alone a few days or somthing id still text or call to ask somone or tell them about my day. but what do i really know.

    btw wanted to add all last week while she was on vacation and i house sat the dog i didnt contast her 1st at all. she was away and figure when shes free or wants to get ahold of me she will. and she did, every night. just wish women could really express themselves rather then express it thru actions.
    Last edited by oldskool83; 01-06-11 at 10:56 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by oldskool83 View Post
    whats why i had a talk with her last week. if she wanted me gone fine ill go, might not be want i want but i push. she never said anything about not wanting me as a bf. we went to bed then everything was fine, morning was fine also, hang out sunday was fine. nothing out of the normal. i tent to go off gut feelings. all of a sudden i got one it didnt go away so i asked the next day to talk.
    Yea and you talked and her words said the exact opposit to what her actions have been. Listen to the words and then see if actions match... If they don't, then you need to go by the actions cause that's where her real truth lays. Be careful not to let your own paranoia read her actions incorrectly.

    ive said friday and ive said sunday let me know when ya want me to come over. she said ok i will.
    So.. you gave her the power once again. Next time don't give someone that power.. Say "I'll pick you up thursday I want (as an example) us to see that new movie. Be ready by 7:00" Make her give you an excuse. If the excusing keep coming, then you know your gut is not just unfounded paranoia.
    if sending a text if not giving space ill gladly stop. not sure what a text hurts but then again i dont know what going on in her head other then stresses of work as shes told me.
    Every time you text her before she texts you, it "could" be bugging her, stressing her out because she has to respond when she could be busy at work, with her child, doing something. Call her on the phone when you know she will be there. If she doesn't answer then let it go to voice mail and leave a message for her to call you when she gets the message. Then don't contact her again until she CALLS you. Don't wait around, get on with visiting your friends, going to the gym, playing your amature sports in an organized league.. in other words, don't pretend to be busy.. actually be busy.

    my home pretty boring so its been hard to find things to do to pass all the time. i myself if i wanted to be left alone a few days or somthing id still text or call to ask somone or tell them about my day. but what do i really know.
    See the paragraph above. You rely toooooo much on her for your happiness. You need to be an interesting person by having interesting hobbies and activities in your life. When you're happy in your life... having a gf is a compliment to an already fufilled person.. She's not supposed to be your sole source of happiness. Get moving to improve your social life, do it today. If you're an interesting person, she'll remain interested. If she isn't 100% sure that she has you wrapped up... she'll keep working to get your attention and she's stop taking your for granted. Now call her and make a date to take her out... see what she says. "Call me when you want to see me" is not being an Alpha male.

    btw wanted to add all last week while she was on vacation and i house sat the dog i didnt contast her 1st at all. she was away and figure when shes free or wants to get ahold of me she will. and she did, every night. just wish women could really express themselves rather then express it thru actions.
    ACTIONS are what tell you the truth. Words are just words and too many people out there are expert liars. Comunication is important but what is communicated has to be matched up in actions or it's all just fluff.
    Last edited by Wakeup; 01-06-11 at 11:18 PM.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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    i had wanted to ask her this week if we could have out date night. i know the other weekend she got called into work, i had to go pick her up afterwords so we just watched tv and went to bed earlier and was really good sex.

    so im supose to let her be, or call and say look i wanna see you on this day. what am i supose to do, i feel im in a trap either way. if i call thats making contact. and when i do contact her i only do it when i know shes home or could possible be free. i dont bug at work. im alowed to text but she she started that new job and in training normaly 1/2 the day so its been harder to get a respose back.

    if not ill just wait til thursday night and call her house phone. she has no voice mail on her cell. she didnt want it. house phone has caller id.

    i dont like change is my biggest issue. ive gone thru to much in the last year and nearly everything ive got is not the same anymore. this seemed good, i felt wanted, i wanted her. somthing changed.
    Last edited by oldskool83; 01-06-11 at 11:26 PM.

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    ok to add to all the confusion i answer my phone today, she put me on her plan to get me off my ex's. been getting a number call few times a week and nevber leaves a mesage. i finaly thought maybe somones calling about somthing i got for sale on CL. i answer it says the message is for my g/f about the account bing past due $400. wtf. so i guess thats my leverage to call her tonight and be like yo...wtfs going on.

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    Why are you not paying for your own phone? Why must you always be on someone elses plan? Is your credit no good? If your credit is no good then you should be paying her for your usage as far as I'm concerned. .. If you are paying her and she's not paying the cell provider then yes, you need to find out wtf is up.

    The more you post the more I'm getting the vibe that you too got too involved too quickly and now that you're both getting to really know one another, the cake isn't quite as sweet as you both thought it was. She's reallizing it quicker than you are.. You realize it but you're just clinging to the denial. Just spectulation so don't panic but you still need to take back your life and not put all your hopes for happiness on her.

    Do shit to improve your single life and you'll find someone who is a good match for you ... you'll have the confidence to turn down women who are'n't right for you if you've learned to be happy while single.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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    I pay her per mo for what it costs, my ex and i lived together and we were one 1 plan so when we brokeup i still had months to go but my phone took a crap one day and she said here go get a phone and put it on my plan. i dont free load, i pay my fair share.

    im not sure the cake is not as sweet as we both thought it was, i konw months ago she said she felt bad she didnt spend as much time with her kid and had me do more and more things. but im go with the flow like she is. she had mad comments of movingin with me at some point and i know her lease is up in august some time so my personal belief is she realizing this is gonna be a serious relationship and might need to step a back some sort things out to prepare herself for the future. i was put on a kids approve list to pick her up also. none of this i ever asked for. i felt alot was up to her. she'd move at a pace she was comfortable. i just followed along cuz well like i said ive listed with people before for years and was married.

    i also will not deny things might of went too fast, if so her request for everyother day is not off the wall i dont feel. i was very carfule to get into this relationship. i had a friend that warned me once i meet the kid and am over there some its gonna be harder to leave if i want to. i myself was not scared of the idea. i had dated 2 women with kida before but found out they were jsut not good parents. this girl was different. shes not like anyone ive met before. and had known of me all thru middle and highschool. she knows alot about me. basicly she only had learn i was good as the good word she heard about me. i was the one who had to learn of her.

    im fine if id see her 2-3 times a week.
    Last edited by oldskool83; 02-06-11 at 04:16 AM.

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    Ive learned ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT... never lies.

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    Ya I agree...if it doesn't feel right, it's not.
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    the entire time i have not felt a jeliousy issues in my gut, just a concern the kid might hav been spending too much time with me honestly. i didnt hear from her today, i also didnt text or call. i figure in a few days ill hear outta her. if i have to ill call next week and ask are we still own for out vacation day together to sleep in and make late breakfast. then ill bring the call up about the phone. i went for an hour walk in the park tonight again. also went to visis my gramma to talk to her and told her. she feels about same way i do, thinks she getting nervious this is serious and wants to cool it down some. but i do have the right to know when i can spend time over there with her so at some point i need to be giving that answer.

    just been a year filled full of shit since this time last summer for me. ive felt like helping out with the kid really made me feel apprecated somthing ive never felt before. i really liked the family feel.

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    Im wanting to call her and basicly say i need to talk to you about a phone call i keep receiving. She has no voice mail on her cell phone, but has it on her home phone. I have all her numbers, ever work...but im not calling work.

    i dunno at this point im kinda really pissed off someone cant comunicate. Id like to work whatever this issuse is out, but i cant make her. also im pretty sure shes ignoring me, why. i dont konw the honest real reason. why see me sunday with her kid then pretty much ignore me when i have things are you house, she has things at mine. Thats what really has me spun in a loop. part of me wants to say look im not doing this, you either want me or you dont. other part of me is trying to be calm and cool about the situation ( i think thats from a nasty divorce i went thru, i try not to let anger fuel my choices) shes not one to run or ignore people, she upfront tell you type. that has me spun in a loop also.

    the longer this goes on, the more damage she will do to what we are to one another. basicly i need to know if calling and asking to speek in person about somthing is too demanding. im not a dominating type, im submissive. shes dominating, i know that.

    part of me is now scared, scared of myself, scared of her, scared of loosing a fun and comfortable thing we had. scared to loose the relationship i had with her daugher, thats a very hard thing for me to swallow. because of me her child now knows how to read, write and spell numbers and words. i guess ill call the house phone even thought she has caller ID.

    I feel whatever has to be said needs to be talked about in person, not over text or phone. I dont want to burn bridges here, i dont want to tell at anyone. i kinda feel i need to call her out on the sleep over every other day thing. if your gonna tell me such things then whens it start. if you didnt want that then it should not of been said.

    how much ****ing time to women need to think somthing over honestly? i can see being burned out for a day or 2, maybe 3 but running and hiding is not the answer not when somone bluntly asked you to your face to you want me and all my things gone.

    how much back and forth to women need to go over things in their minds. i mean i suck at making choices at times, but by a few days im fine. i dont feel this is fare to me, to her daugher or to her. i wonder if i should of said ok ill be over sunday night when i saw her friday morning. if i need to step up to the plate and kinda more just demand things i will. maybe thats what she wants. if so fine ill call her tonight, demeand look i gotta talk to you and its not about what you think i wanna talk to you about.

    tell her about the phone issue because im not sure if shes aware of it because they are calling my number.

    lastly i would like a good honest answer why would a woman say its ok if you keep your things at her place then pull the space move. wouldnt you want the things gone? im 95% sure if id go over there my bottle of skin/chap lip stuff would be sitting on her night stand next to the bed. my bar of soap would be in the shower, my towel would be hung where its always been, my contact solution would be in her vanity mirror, my toothbrush, floss and contacts holder would be in the bathroom right above the sing on a ledge. These are all things shes gonna see at least 2 times a day if not more! if you didnt want somone around you wouldnt wanna look at them.

    i have all kinda cooking things and food overthere i gave her also cuz she liked when i cooked so i thought **** it you keep it here cuz im not at home much.

    shes lucky i have an extra cell phone charger cuz mines sitting on her coffie table behind the sofa under her kids picture and im postivie its still al there, all in its place. my bed clothing is there also. white boxers were folded neatly in the corner of the bedroom. my shirt and acdc pj pants were in the wash which im positive shes had to wash by now...she does that 3-4 times a week. and when shes done what little wash i was told i could let there shes always folded it and placed it right back in the corner where i could put things.

    if you didnt want a guy anymore why would you want his stuff around all over your place ladies? these are things shes and her child were fully aware of. i feel at some point she gotta contact me cuz she has stuff at my house. if you no longer want somone id think youd want either your things back or youd want them gone out of your house.

    her best friend know we always hang out together and once she starts seeing her with out me im sure they are gonna talk. do women normal confide in say a best friend if somthing in their relationship it off? being a guy i do.

    pissed off, hurt and missing my g/f
    Last edited by oldskool83; 02-06-11 at 08:46 PM.

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    Women don't need time to think things over.....they are trying to figure out what would be the best time to tell you the truth. It's fear that is preventing her from communicating with you.....fear of what will happen, fear of hurting you.

    Stop being a wuss and just tell her you need to talk.....don't use this phone call crap excuse, just be honest....but be calm about it. Never lose your kool or she will just shut you out.
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    OK ill call tonight. im prepared for the wost. that why i asked point blank if she wanted me gone for good. i guess i dont undert stand if you women dont need time to really think and if somone asked you upfront am i staying or going, why say one thing if they are prepaired

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