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Thread: 9 year age difference, does it matter?

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    Wink 9 year age difference, does it matter?

    Hello, I'm male and 20, over the past 4-5 months I've become really close to a woman aged 29, about 2 weeks ago we ended up kissing while watching a movie and are now dating. I really do like her, we have so much in common and even before we actually met we'd spend hours talking on the phone, time would just fly by. She's amazing, so loving, caring and trustworthy. Our only concern is the age difference, I'd say she looks about 23 so at the moment the age difference isn't noticeable at all, but do you think maybe when she's 35 and I'm 26 the difference will be noticeable?

    I myself don't see the age difference a problem, I'm mature for my age so our interests are on the same level, but she has asked me once or twice if I see it as a problem, I said no (as I don't) but should I?

    I've told my parents she's 27 (this was when I didn't know how old she was exactly and guessed based on a few hints), they were a little surprised as my previous girlfriends have always been my age, do you think they'll think it's strange having a 9 year gap? My parents are the very understanding type but I don't want them to think bad of her as she's amazing in my eyes.

    Thank in advance.

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    Yes, your parents will likely think it's weird, and so will most other people. The rule is half plus seven. That is the minimum age the younger preson should be in order to avoid looking creepy.

    29/2 = 14.5 + 7 = 21.5 years

    (And this doesn't take into account that a lot of people aren't comfortable with the idea of women dating younger males.)
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    I dont think it is a big deal. One thing to think about is whether she wants children or not, if so her clock might start ticking before you're completely ready. Many people have children when they are in their 20s so it's not going to be a big deal if that is the way your inclined. If that might be an issue, then you might want to give it some more thought. However, navigating when to have kids is normal for any couple, it might just be that there is more pressure to have them earlier than later.
    As to the age gap, yes, she will age and so will you. Yes, she might even end up looking older than you at some point too. However, as you get older the age gap in some ways will seem less. Eg, think of a couple ( like my in laws) who are 81 and 89. No one even thinks twice about it.

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    Thanks for your replies.

    I have to say before coming on here I was pretty confident it'd be alright, I know lots of young coples with as far as a 12 year gap, but after vashti's post I'm a little concerned.

    As far as kids is concerned, as I said before I'm mature for my age so that wouldn't be a problem, I can feel myself being ready by the age of 22 to have kids easily.

    I little bit of a wider opinion would be nice, does anyone else have any thoughts, would you see it as "weird" (as Vashti so kindly put it)?

    Best regards,

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    I don't see any problem...

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    The only issue that will come up is the maturity issue, and not just mentally, but also financially as well. A woman at 29 probably rents a place, or owns a small condo or house, whereas you at 20 are probably not even working full time, and if you are, its probably not the job you want to do as a career. This can be a deal-breaker long term as you'll both be striving for other things. You also need to figure out if/when she wants children, at 20, you are not ready, no matter how much you pretend that you might be.

    Anothing thing to note is you lied to your parents about the age, so somewhere inside you have a concern about this too.
    "All is fair in love and war." - Francis Edward Smedley

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