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Thread: why can't he be honest with me?

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    why can't he be honest with me?

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for months now and we both have deep commitment on our relationship. but still he's not being truthful on some things. what's the deal? we've been having these problems during our first month. he's not constantly lying but he's not being completely honest with me, like the way i'm doing for him. i don't know how to deal with this i love him but i'm not sure if i can stand this kind of relationship if he keeps on doing this. All i wanted is to have an honest relationship no lies, no funny business. i need some advice.
    Last edited by alexsanchez; 15-08-12 at 07:04 PM.

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    There are two kinds of lies, white lies and malicious lies, you just need to know he belongs to which kind of, which kind can you bear?

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    Quote Originally Posted by alexsanchez View Post
    but i'm not sure if i can stand this kind of relationship if he keeps on doing this.
    Then tell him to stop being dishonest otherwise it's over.

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    You dont explain what your are talking about so how can we properly help? What lies?

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    Lies about what? I get the feeling you're deliberately avoiding telling us.
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfhb View Post
    You dont explain what your are talking about so how can we properly help? What lies?
    Quote Originally Posted by Boisdevie View Post
    Then tell him to stop being dishonest otherwise it's over.
    Can you really change a person for being dishonest? I did told him that if he keeps on lying we both have to end our relationship. I don't want to grow in a relationship that is filled with lies and dishonesty. I don't want to lose him as much as he does. I do feel that he loves me so much but i don't understand why he keeps on lying to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rappelz View Post
    There are two kinds of lies, white lies and malicious lies, you just need to know he belongs to which kind of, which kind can you bear?
    I have no problem with him telling me white lies or anything because i know he didn't want me to get offended and feel bad about myself. The thing is he's giving me deceitful lies about his past relationships he didn't know that I knew about the other girls he's been with. I've told him all about my past relationships and everything but what I don't understand is why can't he be honest with me about those things? I don't know if he's trying to keep up the illusion of him being "Mr. Goody-two-shoes" it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?

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    It's irrelevant whether people can change and it's irrelevant why he lies. What's relevant is that you don't like it. So let him know that you don't like it. Then you decide if you're prepared to put up with the situation if it doesn't change.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alexsanchez View Post
    I have no problem with him telling me white lies or anything because i know he didn't want me to get offended and feel bad about myself. The thing is he's giving me deceitful lies about his past relationships he didn't know that I knew about the other girls he's been with. I've told him all about my past relationships and everything but what I don't understand is why can't he be honest with me about those things? I don't know if he's trying to keep up the illusion of him being "Mr. Goody-two-shoes" it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?
    Obviously you are so insecure and jealous for you are spending your time digging around in his past.....you don't trust him at all or any guy possibly. I bet you want to have all his PWs and access to his emails and cel phone am I right? You checking those too?

    He doesn't have to give you full details about his past, because this happened before you and it's really no one's business to know, including you. Anyways what does it really matter who he has dated, he is with you, and loves you what the hell more do you need? You are best to just let this go and no more talk about it or you are going to ruin this relationship. Stop pressing him for details. If this is all he lies about then it's obvious he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy.
    Last edited by smackie9; 15-08-12 at 11:58 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexsanchez View Post
    it doesn't matter if he have dated a lot of girls in the past what matters to me is, why can't he tell me the truth?
    Seriously? It's none of your business, that's why! People's romantic relationships are PRIVATE. Rather than harrass him about his previous contacts, maybe you should be happy to know he won't be discussing YOU with his future partners.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    Quote Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
    Obviously you are so insecure and jealous for you are spending your time digging around in his past.....you don't trust him at all or any guy possibly. I bet you want to have all his PWs and access to his emails and cel phone am I right? You checking those too?

    He doesn't have to give you full details about his past, because this happened before you and it's really no one's business to know, including you. Anyways what does it really matter who he has dated, he is with you, and loves you what the hell more do you need? You are best to just let this go and no more talk about it or you are going to ruin this relationship. Stop pressing him for details. If this is all he lies about then it's obvious he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy.
    I trusted him before this thing happened. Well you're wrong about that I didn't asked his password or anything. He gave me his because he wanted to know all my passwords on every account. He did gave me his email and facebook account.

    Like I said it doesn't matter how many girls he dated what bothers me is he lied when I asked him. I know it's not a huge deal with other readers here but I feel like if he can lie about this, then what else could he be lying about? and what we're dealing with is not about jealousy.

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    I still say get over it. He doesn't want to share that part of his past with you and that is his decision. If it is such a deal breaker for you then dump him so he can find someone that can trust him.
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexsanchez View Post
    ? and what we're dealing with is not about jealousy.
    No it's about your insecurity. None of this would have happened if you didn't insist on asking him about his past relationships.

    If you are that paranoid then tell him he is a lair, you can't trust him and that is a deal breaker for you...then break up with him.
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    You say he asked for all her passwords too? Sounds like you both have some trust issues and insecurities. You probably shouldn't be in a relationship with each other until you can BOTH get over that stuff. How old are you guys? I have asked my BF about his past relationships before, but only b/c I was curious to know. We just openly share our past experiences b/c we learn from them. If you both are insecure/sensitive about stuff from either of your pasts then you guys are going to hide things from one another etc...

    And yes, if he is lying to you about past relationships b/c he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy or make you upset, then he will probably lie about other things to avoid conflict as well. You both just need to get on the same page and trust each other in general.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maple1714 View Post
    You say he asked for all her passwords too? Sounds like you both have some trust issues and insecurities. You probably shouldn't be in a relationship with each other until you can BOTH get over that stuff. How old are you guys? I have asked my BF about his past relationships before, but only b/c I was curious to know. We just openly share our past experiences b/c we learn from them. If you both are insecure/sensitive about stuff from either of your pasts then you guys are going to hide things from one another etc...

    And yes, if he is lying to you about past relationships b/c he doesn't want to deal with your jealousy or make you upset, then he will probably lie about other things to avoid conflict as well. You both just need to get on the same page and trust each other in general.
    Yes he did, and it's a new thing for me because he gave me his password, and then asked for mine. Which I havent experienced on my past relationships. At first, I did'nt have a problem with it but as months go by, He started questioning me about my friends and the people I talk with. I don't know what his deal is but we came to a point were he wanted to isolate me with my friends. He said that he feels upset whenever he sees how happy I am talking with my friends. He even banned me on skyping I'm only allowed when talking to him. It would be reasonable if my friends are a bad influence but they're not. I talked with him about it, and that I don't need to choose between them. (he keeps on telling me to choose between him and my friends) I don't know what his problem is, but the funny thing is he's the one who have lied to me and yet he's got more issues than I have. By the way we're both 20 i'm older for a couple of months.

    Yes maybe he did'nt want me to get upset. But i told him before that it doesn't matter what mistakes you committed on the past what's important to me is him telling the truth. I once shared him about my ex that never did he lied to me even the most worse possible things that he have done during our relationship he admitted and told me everything. Rather than getting upset and angry, I was proud of him of having the guts to tell me all those things.

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