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    Why didn't he say goodbye?

    I know that I will get flack for this, but I just need some advice.

    I am married and I met another man last Fall. We talked for a few weeks and I was very hesitant to get to know him due to the fact that I was married. He left the country (he is from Eastern Europe and lives here with a visa) to visit his relatives for a few months and I assumed I would never hear from him ever again. He came back a month early and contacted me right away. We started talking again, but both were hesitant--he knew we shouldn't talk and so did I, but we still did. Long story short, we fell in love. We didn't consumate the relationship until 5 months after we met which probably helped that to happen. We both tried to end it throughout the last 7 months...with both us coming back to it. He is also 10 years older I should add (I am 30). Neither of us have kids. When he tried to end it, I was sad--when I tried to, he was sad. It was torture. We wanted to be together, but tried to do the right thing...

    The last few months have been particularly intense--he was always asking me to stay overnight and kiss and snuggle--I told him no. He wanted to take me to dinner--I said no. About a month ago, we spent a night together (not overnight) and he told me he has never felt this way before. Two weeks ago, we lay in his bed and he told me, "I have been with a lot of beautiful women, but I have never had feelings like this before." He told me he was so happy and our love felt like magic. He told me he loved me all the time, in person, and over the phone--he was a rare breed who called and rarely would text.

    Last week, I saw him on Sunday and he was happy to see me, but I could tell he wanted to tell me something. He held my hand for a long time, looked into my eyes, we talked and kissed for a bit....then he told me we would talk tomorrow. Well, tomorrow came and went--his phone went straight to voicemail. I was worried so I stopped by to ask his brother (who had been staying with him) where he was. He said he left on Monday and moved to Germany....

    He NEVER told me he was moving..never mentioned it. He apparently had knew he was leaving a month earlier (had bought his tickets, etc)...why didn't he tell me? Why was he so afraid to say goodbye? When I told his cousin (who lives in the US also) about what we shared, he said he thought we where just having sex, he had no idea it was love. He thinks he might have been afraid to tell me because it was too hard to say goodbye and a reason he left was because it was too hard for him to live here knowing our love could never fully be. I just wish he could have said goodbye. We even had plans for this week--he even confirmed them...but knew he would be gone...

    It's for the best---I know. We fell into love and it was on wrong pretenses. We both knew that. He used to tell me, "Love is love."....I don't know what that means,but I understand why he left. I don't blame him. I just want him to be happy.

    I just want to know why he didn't tell me he was moving back to Europe?? I just don't fully understand it.

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  3. #2
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    "I have been with a lot of beautiful women, but I have never had feelings like this before."...hahahahahahahahah...I'm sorry i just can't believe how naive some women are. He is from another country and got a great opportunity to get some strange. Everyone knows this.
    -to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.- e.e.cummings

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    Quote Originally Posted by Asip4u View Post
    "I have been with a lot of beautiful women, but I have never had feelings like this before."...hahahahahahahahah...I'm sorry i just can't believe how naive some women are. He is from another country and got a great opportunity to get some strange. Everyone knows this.
    As harsh as that is.. it's likely true.

    I'd imagine he knew from the first email that he would be moving to Germany. He just didn't tell you because you'd have likely caused some kind of a scene if you knew he was shipping out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wakeup View Post
    As harsh as that is.. it's likely true.

    I'd imagine he knew from the first email that he would be moving to Germany. He just didn't tell you because you'd have likely caused some kind of a scene if you knew he was shipping out.
    People really like to put their blinders on when they are very much into the other person. No important questions are asked and no looking for red flags.
    -to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.- e.e.cummings

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    eastern european you say?
    check your bank statements, pronto

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    LOL...ok thanks for your advice...I don't think it was all for a booty call--like I said we didn't even do anything until after 5 months of knowing each other. It was more than that. I understand your angle, however.

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    I just would like to know why he didn't tell me he was leaving? why didn't he say goodbye?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Goldfish79 View Post
    LOL...ok thanks for your advice...I don't think it was all for a booty call--like I said we didn't even do anything until after 5 months of knowing each other. It was more than that. I understand your angle, however.
    Look.. the reality of this is that you're a fking married woman. What did you expect him to do? Get real and realize that what you had was just sex and he didn't say goodbye because he didn't have to. He's not the loving good man you have painted him to be. Forget about him and put the effort you put into this guy, into your husband who is there for you through thick and thin. You will be moping around now all love-sick and sad and you will make what you have at home even worse. Smarten up! Get marriage councelling if that is what it takes to get your emotional connection back with the man you promised to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS for.

    P.S. Get yourself tested now and in another six months. You certainly don't want to give your marital partner something and, if you do have something you'll need to get it looked after.

    [quote]
    Quote Originally Posted by Goldfish79 View Post
    I just would like to know why he didn't tell me he was leaving? why didn't he say goodbye?
    As I said, what did you expect? You're a married woman that he had zero responsibility to. Believe it or not there are many people like him in this world.
    Last edited by Wakeup; 08-05-12 at 10:35 PM.

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    I think you already got the answer. His brother (who may know him the best) is right.

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    You should know the answer

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    Quote Originally Posted by mwahahaha View Post
    eastern european you say?
    check your bank statements, pronto
    hahaha.

    Different cultures Goldfish. You got played as one person stated, European men just do it in a different way than American (i.e. they fancy themselves the romantic...love, destiny, all the other b/s wordplay). Look at it as a hard lesson learned and an eye opener that you have a shitty marriage. You owe it to your husband to be honest and walk away.
    ...as ancient astronaut theorists would suggest

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