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  1. #1
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    My wife cheated on me. Twice

    I have been suspecting that my wife has been cheating on me for a while now, in general my wife and I get along great except when she has issues with school or her job. I barely get to see her, and she rarely speaks to me lately. She has been very distant and I have been resentful towards her for that.

    Just a few hours ago while she was sleeping I went through her phone, I know this is an invasion of her privacy, but I just had to know. She had sent some very erotic texts toward an old school friend and her and I haven't spent anytime together....It's always, go go go go go.

    I woke her up and confronted her.....Then she started to cry, she didn't lie to me, she came right out with it. I asked her how many times.....and she said twice. When I asked why, she just said it sort of happened and she was feeling lonely. She felt that
    that I resented her, but she didn't know why. It's just we hardly see each other any more. I want to confront this guy, but my wife demands that I don't....I just want to ask why?

    I don't know how to take this....I held her as she cried her eyes out and told her that everything was going to be okay, and that I forgive her...Deep down I don't, although I feel that I contributed to this by not being there for her, but she never gave me the chance.

    What should I do next? I want to do the counseling thing, but we are both students and she has a part time job. We both have no time.....Yet she has time to cheat on me...

    We have been talking all night about it, but we never even touched the tip of the iceberg. I admit I can be a very selfish person, but i refuse to take the full blame for this. We were very close up until recently when we haven't seen each other. We have been married for a little more than a year and been dating a year before.... I think my marriage is going in to the crapper

    What can I do about this?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    I have been suspecting that my wife has been cheating on me for a while now, in general my wife and I get along great except when she has issues with school or her job. I barely get to see her, and she rarely speaks to me lately. She has been very distant and I have been resentful towards her for that.

    Just a few hours ago while she was sleeping I went through her phone, I know this is an invasion of her privacy, but I just had to know. She had sent some very erotic texts toward an old school friend and her and I haven't spent anytime together....It's always, go go go go go.

    I woke her up and confronted her.....Then she started to cry, she didn't lie to me, she came right out with it. I asked her how many times.....and she said twice. When I asked why, she just said it sort of happened and she was feeling lonely. She felt that
    that I resented her, but she didn't know why. It's just we hardly see each other any more. I want to confront this guy, but my wife demands that I don't....I just want to ask why?

    I don't know how to take this....I held her as she cried her eyes out and told her that everything was going to be okay, and that I forgive her...Deep down I don't, although I feel that I contributed to this by not being there for her, but she never gave me the chance.

    What should I do next? I want to do the counseling thing, but we are both students and she has a part time job. We both have no time.....Yet she has time to cheat on me...

    We have been talking all night about it, but we never even touched the tip of the iceberg. I admit I can be a very selfish person, but i refuse to take the full blame for this. We were very close up until recently when we haven't seen each other. We have been married for a little more than a year and been dating a year before.... I think my marriage is going in to the crapper

    What can I do about this?
    The bold part is important right now. Don't just go I just want to ask... Ask! Of course you are going to hit only the tip of the iceberg when you are not completely honest.

    The worst thing you did is that you gave her an easy forgiveness. There is nothing worse than complete lack of punishment, this will just lead into growing inside pressures from both sides. You have to let the steam out sometimes. First of all, she cried, that means she feels sorry and wants to be punished. Telling the truth would be good thing for both of you.

    if she already cheated you twice, and you forgive her so easily, there is a big chance she is going to do it again.



    Btw, I know that type of girl. I have messed with one until she told me she had a boyfriend, and her talk was almost exactly the same, feeling lonely... The problem with these girls is that they are hyper attention seekers, always in need to prove themselves and get recognition. Therefore always the gogogogogo. But you know what, thats very selfish of her. IMHO, she was being a bitch.

    Be honest with her, and ask yourself why is it always you who has to take the blame for everything she gets into?
    Last edited by boobaa; 22-06-08 at 06:59 PM.
    Don't expect anything.

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    One of the main factors that lead to a marriage break-up , even when love is there, is being far apart. It involves distance in emotions and sex and life itself. When you meet, you are like strangers and you will have to do much work to establish your life. In your case, I am not defending her for cheating but I think you should have taken more care of her. Would you be able to leave her because of her actions? You and only you need to decide about it. WIll you be able to forget ? No one is to answer that question but you. If not, then let it go.

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    Depending on how old you both are and how commited you both are to this relationship, this relationship may or may not be worth saving. Trust - once broken - is very hard to re-establish. Do you have kids? How old are both of you?

    I don't think you should confront the guy. Your wife is the one who cheated, so SHE is your problem. I would insist she call (with you on the other line) and tell the guy it is over and never to contact her again.

    Then, get some counseling. You can find low or no cost counseling pretty much everywhere, or you can go to a clergy person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shh! View Post
    Depending on how old you both are and how commited you both are to this relationship, this relationship may or may not be worth saving. Trust - once broken - is very hard to re-establish. Do you have kids? How old are both of you?

    I don't think you should confront the guy. Your wife is the one who cheated, so SHE is your problem. I would insist she call (with you on the other line) and tell the guy it is over and never to contact her again.

    Then, get some counseling. You can find low or no cost counseling pretty much everywhere, or you can go to a clergy person.
    I'm 31 and she is 23, and we have no kids...I know that marrying a young woman would be setting myself up for this because she's
    immature, but I never saw this coming. I thought we were the best of friends....Now I have to watch her like a hawk....

    I'm having her call this guy while I sit nex to her to make sure she says the right thing. I doubt that it will do much and she may just be a bit more neeky, but I have her mom that watches her too. If I catch her doing it again....She's gone...

    The odd thing is I have known her for a long long long time, and she isn't the cheating type, she never cheats....but why me?

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    Quote Originally Posted by shh! View Post
    Depending on how old you both are and how commited you both are to this relationship, this relationship may or may not be worth saving. Trust - once broken - is very hard to re-establish. Do you have kids? How old are both of you?

    I don't think you should confront the guy. Your wife is the one who cheated, so SHE is your problem. I would insist she call (with you on the other line) and tell the guy it is over and never to contact her again.

    Then, get some counseling. You can find low or no cost counseling pretty much everywhere, or you can go to a clergy person.
    Thats the plan....




    Thanx so much Everybody.....you guys are the best!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    Now I have to watch her like a hawk....

    if you do that, your marriage is doomed.

    people are like roots. they'd rather be cut than suffocated.
    baby ya hustle. but me i hustle harder.


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    Once a cheater, always a cheater. Remember that. You might be able to resolve the situation now, but what happens the next time both of you are busy and you have to go months without being able to see each other? It's amazing to me that she didn't have time to spend with you when you were able, but she had time to hook up with an high school friend and screw him twice. I find it hard to believe she won't do it again.

    The trust is broken. Whether you think so or not, deep down you're going to have a hard time trusting her. She might accept that now, but in six months she's going to start to resent that you don't trust her even though it's her fault that you don't. She's going to resent that you're watching her every step. The problem is that you can forgive but you can't forget.

    Since there are no kids involved, I recommend ending this marriage. There's nothing else tying you to it. Personally, even if kids were involved, I'd have a hard time staying in the marriage simply because I believe in the once a cheater, always a cheater saying. Move on. Don't let her break your heart again.

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    hrmm... the first thing that you should've have done was hold her and tell her that everything will be alright because you were lying to her. f*ck, i'd show her how made and sick i was just to be honest and hurt her back.

    however, besides that, can i ask you something. she cheated on you twice. meaning did she slept with this guy twice? or is this the second person who she had slept with?

    raverboy
    ...this is just my perspective on the situation...

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    Your marriage was doomed the day you slipped a ring on a 20-some year old finger. Sorry, pal. I don't think the marriage is worth saving.

    And unlike the others, I think one morning you should wait for that guy by his car and have a little... chat.
    God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gribble View Post
    Your marriage was doomed the day you slipped a ring on a 20-some year old finger. Sorry, pal. I don't think the marriage is worth saving.

    And unlike the others, I think one morning you should wait for that guy by his car and have a little... chat.
    I have mentioned numerous times that I would do the same thing as long as the guy had no idea she was married. If he knew and still did it anyways, then I would be having a "chat" with him as well. We can't assume he knew though, as some conniving bitch wives are rather good at hiding their relationships.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandman View Post
    and she isn't the cheating type, she never cheats....but why me?
    What are you talking about?? According to you she cheated, TWICE. Get out of your head & face up to reality. Of course she's the cheating type.


    As for the rest, I agree with everyone that your relationship is probably over. Sorry.
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndiReloaded View Post
    What are you talking about?? According to you she cheated, TWICE. Get out of your head & face up to reality. Of course she's the cheating type.


    As for the rest, I agree with everyone that your relationship is probably over. Sorry.
    Apparently I'm blind because I didn't catch that the first time.

    What a stupid comment to make. She's not the cheating type... and yet she cheated.

    You must never date any woman ever again. You apparently turn the good, non cheating women into cheating whores!

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    I cant offer any advice apart from good luck and i hope it works out for you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cain View Post
    The trust is broken. Whether you think so or not, deep down you're going to have a hard time trusting her. She might accept that now, but in six months she's going to start to resent that you don't trust her even though it's her fault that you don't. She's going to resent that you're watching her every step. The problem is that you can forgive but you can't forget.
    This is soooo true. I remember finding some messages on my ex's phone that were really questionable. Yes, call me a snoop but I had to know. From that day the trust was gone, I tried and tried...but it was hopeless. We ended up getting in sooo many fights over it. She would constantly blame me for not trusting her with anything, telling me I needed to get over it, even though it was her fault for my lack of trust.

    Turned out she was cheating on me .

    I'm sorry to hear about your wife, it's a shame. I see what happened is that she's immature. She's young, she committed to you and she's probably regretting being tied down so young.But, I wish you the best of luck with this.

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