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08-08-11, 05:18 PM #1
My girlfriend always wants to talk, but i'm running out of things to talk about
So i've been together with this girl who i met at college for almost a year now and things have been pretty good. I love being with her and i'm pretty much always happy with her.
During the summer, though, i don't get the chance to see her as often since we live in different states except for a few times when we visited each other. Now, because of this, we can only talk through texting or on the phone or skype.
My problem is that she wants to talk much more than i do. Every day we'll start out with a good morning text and have a small texting conversation for maybe about half an hour. Then we'll usually text each other at some point or multiple points of the day to check in or if we have something interesting to say. Finally, at night it is common for us to text for two to three hours, sometimes more, before one of us goes to bed. additionally, we usually call each other and/or skype two to three times a week.
Now, I am not the biggest fan of texting because i think it is a waste of time as opposed to just talking on the phone. It seems impossible for me, however, to be able to talk on the phone with her without it being a two to three hour affair. The problem is that we always run out of things to talk about. What will usually happen is we'll have a good solid hour of conversation before we have nothing more to say and i'll be ready to get off. Whenever I try to get off, however, she'll start to criticize me for not wanting to talk to her, even though that's not the case at all. I would just rather spend my time doing something i enjoy than sitting silent on the phone or having the same i love you, i love you more back and forth. If we had not been texting each other all day, perhaps i would be able to talk longer since we wouldn't already have told each other everything about our day. But, if I stay on with her, she'll jokingly say "you're boring" or something like that because i'm not saying anything, even though she doesn't have anything to say either. I don't want to feel pressured to rack my mind for stupid things to talk about just to keep the conversation going.
So it seems the simple solution would be to text less and just have phone conversations. When i don't text her during the day, however, she gets upset with me for not keeping in touch with her. I think a big reason for this is that she really doesn't do much at home. she rarely ever hangs out with her friends and just sits at home watching tv or on the internet. I usually hang out with my couple of best friends nearly every day. So, she is usually at home bored while i am with my friends. The way I view it, I am home for the summer and I want to be able to hang out with my family and good friends from high school that I don't get to see for most of the year without having to constantly be talking with her which takes away from my time with them. I also think she should be doing the same
Additionally, recently she got upset with me for not ever being the one to call her or ask to skype, since she is usually the one that does. My reason for this, though, is that i really have nothing to say to her after texting all day and i don't want to get on the phone or something and have it be awkwardly silent and then have the conversation be completely dead.
Basically, I don't know what to think because I feel like she is smothering me with always wanting to talk. She doesn't do much during the day leaving me with the burden of coming up with most of the conversation and I absolutely hate it. When we are together, however, we get along just fine. I just want to be able to live my life at home without constantly feeling like i need to tend to and entertain her and i just don't know how i can break that to her without her getting upset with me but i dont know how to do that.
08-08-11 05:18 PM # ADSInfobot Registered User
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08-08-11, 07:23 PM #2
How come she can't do her own things like hang out with her friends/family?
I was in a long-distance relationship for about 4month, and I always want to talk to my bf a lot, but he didn't really have much to say or he didn't have much time to talk to me, but we would talk every night..but, we didn't talk that much like you and your gf though...
What we used to did was, because talking would make us both bored and will eventually run out of things to talk about so we would play online games together at night time for few hours before we went to sleep.
We would play some games/have fun and talk a bit during the game too.
Have you talked to her about this before?
08-08-11, 10:53 PM #3
It might be time for your cell phone to accidentally "break" and you not be able to text anymore.
It sounds like she is very needy which can become a major issue in a long distance situation. You have to sit down and talk to her and let her know that you just don't really like texting very much. That you would rather talk to her on the phone. Maybe start with that tactic and work slowly from there.
It might be tough to back off of communication with her without it causing a problem though. Be sure to not say things like "I would rather be doing something I want to do than be on the phone with you." Because she will always take that to mean you dont want to talk to her. Just tell her that it is hard for you to text as much as she wants because you are getting so busy. But you would still love to talk to her/skype with her, etc.
Good luck.Brought to you by Dating With Devon!
08-08-11, 11:32 PM #4
I hate it when someone's that clingy. Simply tell her you're constantly doing stuff during the day and that's keeping you busy so you can't text her that often, mention you're not a big fan of texting anyway, but you promise to call her when you have the time. Phrase it as you see fit, if you think it needs more sugarcoating, try being more subtle, but since you've been together for quite a while you should be able to discuss openly. If she does f all and gets bored that doesn't mean you should have your phone glued to your hand. Maybe encourage her to find a hobby.
08-08-11, 11:59 PM #5
Wow, reading your post op gave me such a strong case of deja vu! When i was 19 i was with a girl who was exactly like that, couldn't get her off the bloody phone despite having nothing to say, i'd be making up excuses like i had to go somewhere or my mam wanted me for something, then she'd keep ringing until i finally answered. We'd have arguments about the situation which i think she enjoyed cos it kept me on the phone!
It boils down to her being too dependent on you, having no other outside interests or friends. These are all things i learned and in the future did my best to avoid any girl who had similar traits - nothing but hassle!
So my advice - dump her."Never make someone your priority, when to them you are only an option"
09-08-11, 02:35 AM #6
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