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Thread: My girlfriend is a prostitute
11-03-12, 11:05 AM #1
My girlfriend is a prostitute
I am hoping that people here can give me their honest opinions on my situation and keep the snide remarks to a minimum.
As I sit here writing this post, my GF of three years is getting ready to go to work, until 2 weeks ago I thought that job was selling Lingerie to wholesalers and party plans, but now I know that her real job is a prostitute in a brothel.
A bit of background for you, I am a widow of 9 years, I have a teenage daughter, I currently work in IT. I have had 2 serious long term relationship since my wife passed as well as many short term relationships. She married young. she was married for 21 years and had 3 children to her husband relatively late in their relationship, he was not right for her and she was not happy in their relationship for many years. However she stayed with him trying to make it work, but if the love fades it can be hard to bring it back, so they separated.
I was running my own business 3 years ago and that was how I met my current GF, I came to her rescue and changed her flat tyre. We hit it off straight away and became instant friends, after a few months of casual dating we started a physical relationship that quickly turned into a full on relationship. She had been separated for 12 months, the only other relationship she had since was with her former fiancée who was married, she says it was safe and familiar but ultimately she knew he was never going to be long-term. She tells me that she had only slept with 4 men before me and I believe her as it took several months before we started our physical relationship. I am not a bad looking guy and I was used to having sex not long after the second date with a woman.
We have had a great relationship because we are compatible on so many different levels, we fell in love and have been very happy for the last 3 years. We can laugh and talk and for hours on end on any subject and we have similar interests. We generally don't fight, we discuss and have overcome the obstacles that life has thrown at us. Our sex life has been more than awesome, we have made love at least once a night, but usually 2 or 3 times a night since we have known each other, there are no problems in the bedroom at all except maybe for lack of sleep lol.
But nothing is perfect yeah? There have been issues in the past, mainly to do with men. If we went out together with friends and I left her alone for any period of time, she would allow guys to chat her up. She says that she talks to everyone, young, old, male, female, she will talk to anyone who wants to talk with her. She couldn't understand that guys were trying to get in her pants, she is a beautiful woman who has a very hot body, an exotic look and doesn't look her age at all. Personally I think she likes the attention, well who doesn't? but there limits and I felt I was being disrespected, she changed her behaviour and doesn't do that any more. I have had her ex-husband (she is now divorced) and her ex-fiancée chasing her, but she was always open and honest with me and she said that she loved me and only me and that no other man would come between us. I thought that was the case until about two years ago when I found out she had dated a guy she met on a dating site, this guy was everything I am not, young, muscular and very good looking (not that I am old, unfit or ugly). She explained that because our physical relationship was so good, she questioned whether it was really love or just lust that she felt for me and felt that going out with another guy would cement how she felt about me. That guy really liked her and she could have easily have ended our relationship and been free to pursue a relationship with that guy, or any other guy for that matter. But she didn't, at that point I ended the relationship but she convinced me that it was me that she loved and because I loved her, we continued on.
About 18 months ago, my business failed, I was in debt to my eyeballs and I was about to lose my house to the bank. She stood by me and came to my rescue, she paid all my debts off and saved my house.We moved in together. I went back to my old job where the pay isn't fantastic but it was regular money. She wasn't working and had put the majority of her savings into making our house a home. Things were great, we all adjusted really well to the new situation, we had a comfortable lifestyle and everyone was happy. The only problem was that we couldn't financially maintain that lifestyle on my wage alone and her savings were dwindling. Then 5 months ago she got a new job...
It was great that she had found a job that had such flexible hours because she would have to take a lot of time off for school holidays etc, there are not many employers that would put up with that. Our bills were being paid, no-one was chasing us for money, we were in love and everyone was happy. EXCEPT, I knew that there was something going on that she was not telling me about. She would work until 12 or 1 in the morning on Friday nights doing Lingerie parties. I became suspicious, because there were no stories about the parties, if I asked her how her night was she would be vague about the details. Also, she would work on a Sunday or a public holiday saying it was wholesale customers placing phone orders and she was getting commission on the sales. I grew even more and more suspicious, when she told me about a client who had become obsessed with her and had gotten her phone number from one of the other girls and was txting her all the time, telling her her wanted her to leave me and move herself and her children in with him, he had lots of money and he would send her pictures of his swimming pool telling her she could give up work and live with him. She told me she had only seen him once in person , had never been out with him and only dealt with him on the phone. She told me she had dealt with it with her boss and that he was banned from dealing with her again. I figured that guys do not make those sort of offers to woman they have not been intimate with, I thought perhaps she had had an affair. Little did I know he was one of her 'clients'. There were more things that were suss but this is becoming a novel.
Anyway, so I starting digging around. She had told me stories about one of her friends at work who was hooking up with a Sugar Daddy, basically being a prostitute.
So I googled her friend's name and the place where my GF said she worked. I ended up on a brothel website. I looked up the girls bio's and found one that sounded like my GF and it had the same hours she worked. So, I went down to the brothel to make sure it was true. Sure enough it was...
To say I was devastated is an understatement, I didn't eat for 2 days. She told me she had two choices, we were going to run out of money and lose the house, so it was either go on the game or leave me. She couldn't bring herself to leave me so she become a prostitute. She has told me all the details of her job and that the clients are nothing more than $$$ to her. She says she doesn't get off with the clients and it has only made what we have together.
After the shock subsided, I realised I am still very much in love with her (and her with me) and after 5 months our relationship had only grown stronger. Her passion for me has not diminished at all.
So here we are, 2 weeks after knowing. I am doing my best to try and see her job as just that, a job. But it is hard to think about her going to work and having guys paying to have sex with her. She can't give it up right now and the financial strain will destroy our lives. She is making plans to get out and get a normal job but in the meantime, this is my life...
I am so totally in love with her and can't imagine being without her, but it tears me up inside. I am hurt and confused.
Anyway, I want to hear your thoughts, particularly if you have had a similar experience.
11-03-12 11:05 AM # ADSInfobot Registered User
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11-03-12, 11:58 AM #2
She lied, I'd be very concerned about that. If you can handle her doing THAT...than more power to you but it strikes me odd that she went straight to prostitution. Typically it progresses from stripping to prostitution. I could be wrong. Anyways personally I would not tolerate that but it's up to you."Sometimes the best way to throw a punch is to take a step back"~Morgan freeman
11-03-12, 12:33 PM #3
Yes, the lying does concern me, it is not the first time she has lied to me. But she could hardly tell me and if she had discussed it with me I would have said no obviously. Just before we moved in together she had a phone sex job, but I made her give it up at least she was honest about that.
I have split up with woman for much less than this, but I love her and if I end it I will have to sell my house to pay her back, it will disrupt a lot of lives in the process.
Not sure I can live with this though.
11-03-12, 12:56 PM #4
I agree about the lying. It seems as though this has turned into deep co-depency involving emotional, financial and physical ties that would be very difficult to cut loose... that makes it a triple threat. Sorry to hear it. Trust is the most fundamental building block for any healthy relationship and she broke it. Your relationship is no longer healthy or you wouldn't be reaching out on this site. Kudos to her for bailing you out. I also just got out of a relationship with someone who cheated on me left and right for most of the time we were together. He helped me financially, loved me, and supported my dreams. He was also a giant selfish liar. I will never enter into any union with this type of dependency issue again. It simply is not healthy, end of story. I hope you can work it out to trust her again or leave before you get even deeper into the entanglement.
11-03-12, 07:35 PM #5
I'm going to take a different view to the other posters although I agree with the trust issue.
In certain European countries, namely Holland and Germany, prostitutes are viewed in the same way as anyone else. That is, they work, pay tax etc. In these countries it is viewed as no different to any other job.
My questions to you are these. Are you strong enough to handle what she does for a living? Can you live with what she does and are material possessions more important to you? I once lost everything I had including my house. It was hard but gradually I rebuilt my life. I worked hard in an office and went without to provide for my kids. I would rather have scrubbed toilets than sell myself, but that's me.
You need to think long and hard of what your priorities really are.
11-03-12, 07:53 PM #6
please try to understand that life is not just about leading... it's about LIVING !!! you LIVE life and not LEAD life..
if prostitution is the only way to LIVE in this world, then the whole world would be filled up with prostitutes. It's better to "eat rice with chilly powder" within your budget than "eating pizza" by earning money through prostitution.
Also understand that there's a god in this world who cares a lot for you and her.. just as his own kids.. Believe and trust in him always.. you'll see wonders and miracles in your life and find a meaning and purpose of your life..
Read Holy Bible, I'm sure you'll run into tears after knowing there's god in this world who cares and loves you much more thanyour own mother, father and every other in this world.
12-03-12, 06:35 AM #7
As society becomes less and less equal in terms of income prostitution becomes a more regular thing. This is because the need for money becomes greater and prostitution is a good way to pay the bills. I wouldn't worry too much. If it were 1970 or 1980 where things where a bit more even maybe this would indicate some inherent personality flaw. However, with high unemployment and general working poor conditions for many jobs I wouldn't worry too much.
This is the way the world goes. Infact many decades ago it was common for single women to un-officially act as prostitutes. And before that it was very common for working class women to be prostitutes. Infact jobs for women paid so low that this is what many resorted to doing to get by.
Enjoy capitalist society !
If she is sleeping with other men, maybe you can sleep with one of the pretty young things at her work, or she could bring one home for the evening ?
12-03-12, 06:37 AM #8
He is not going to come save you, only you can save you and if by having sex you can live a comfortable life THEN DO IT !
( fyi I do believe in a god, but if he exists, he aint interventionist, you need to make you own choices for your own betterment).
12-03-12, 11:28 AM #9
If you didn't find him (infact you didn't tried him), it doesn't mean.. he doesn't exist :-P History clearly indicates that god exists.. you see.. this is 2012 AD after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ ??? and there are millions of things in this world that proof the god exists... I myself have experienced god's miracles in my life..
Anyways, I don't wanna go off topic in this thread :-) I'm going to stick with OP.
Dabbler., forget everything happened in your past life... if you believe in god, all your sins will be forgiven and you're a new creation.. you can start a new life... Just go to your local church and get it started :-)
It's a whole new world... when the almighty god is with you.. who can be against you ???
Last edited by bothside; 12-03-12 at 01:00 PM.
12-03-12, 02:30 PM #10
There are a lot of women who do this for various reasons, perhaps you know one but are unaware? Some of their partners know what they do and some don't. It is legal where I live and I was amazed at the number of brothels around me, that means there are a lot of women working in them. I had a lot of misconceptions of what prostitution was, the reality is very different. It is not like she has studs wandering in to be serviced, generally speaking the men who frequent brothels are socially inept or unattractive, a lot that come in just want to talk to a woman to have some sort of connection with another human being. Generally speaking, sex for women is different than it is for men, women need an emotional connection to really get off. It is just a job to them, if that were not the case she would not have any sexual need for me and that has definitely not been the case. What I experience sexually with her is nothing like the limited service that clients get. All these girls have or want a relationship out of work, because that it what it is, work, not pleasure.
As a matter of fact George, she has offered to bring home her young, blond and busty friend from work for a threesome. We had discussed threesomes before, but the only problem is the jealousies and attachments could destroy the relationship. It has been a fantasy of mine, but I have left it up to her to decide whether it happens or not. So there is an up-side to this. I get to **** a professional every night and at no charge and I can do whatever I like sexually.
BTW. I have my own beliefs and I am too busy living life to find the time to read the greatest novel ever written. If you are going to get all judgemental, don't forget that Jesus didn't seem to mind that Mary Magdalene was a working girl.
12-03-12, 03:45 PM #11
12-03-12, 08:14 PM #12
I have frequented a site that reviews escorts and you are not alone. You are right that the johns are usually socially inept or ugly. Many are trapped in sexless marriages, or just too busy to date. I consider prostitutes the 'junk food' of social relationships. Yes, it is sex, but usually devoid of the wonderful emotional attachment and intimacy part, like 'junk food' is devoid of nutrition. It is like masturbating using a woman's body. But at least for these men, it is something. I have also seen how addictive it is for some men, spending money they can't really afford in search of that elusive holy grail, intimacy. Meanwhile, they are not available or learning the skills necessary to establish a real, loving relationship. And some don't want that; some are incapable of it. There is a market for sex, or it wouldn't exist. Some prostitutes are victimized as well. Especially those with pimps, or drug habits or those kept in the human traffic trade. But in general, what two consenting adults do with each other in private is their own business, as long a nobody is being hurt.
You seem to have reached some level of acceptance of your situation, so if you are happy and she is happy, then there really isn't an issue, is there? I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for.
12-03-12, 08:51 PM #13
12-03-12, 08:54 PM #14
12-03-12, 10:25 PM #15
Dabbler, I've been in your situation, except that I knew from the start what I was getting into. I tried to help her stop hooking and get into a more legitimate career, for her sake and the sake of her kids. But it was too hard for her to give up on the easy money and flexible hours. At one low point, I was even driving her on calls. It was horrible sitting in the car, trying not to think about what was happening inside, and worrying about what I would need to do if there was trouble. To make matters worse, she coped with her lifestyle by doing drugs. Before I met her, it was cocaine. After I met her, she started smoking meth. After we broke up, she fell in love with a heroin dealer. About once every six months, she stole from me. One time, it was an all-out burglary with help from her friends. More often, it was petty stuff like stealing from my wallet or selling some of my CDs. When she finally went to jail for a year, I moved on. I really wanted to make a difference, at least for her kids, but it was too painful. If you are unhappy with the situation, just know that it's not going to get better until she is too old to compete with the other women. If I were you, knowing what I know now, I would run from her as fast as possible.Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.
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