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  1. #1
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    Dating Nice Guy But In Love With Someone Else

    I've been in love with a married man for almost a year. We are friends & are not involved in an affair. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I wrecked this man's marriage. So I've been casually dating, in the hopes of developing a real relationship. I've been on a few dates with a nice guy who told me he is smitten with me. I am not smitten with him & cringe when he says lovely things to me. I'm wondering if I should tell him the truth, that my every waking thought is on this other man. The situation gets stickier because these 2 men are old friends. I like the man I'm currently dating but don't feel "chemistry" with him. I feel like I'm lying to this guy, like I'm leading him to believe we're developing a relationship when my mind is on someone else.
    Thanks in advance for your advice.

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  3. #2
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    he is married, there is no chance of it going anywhere. you even say yourself you couldn't ruin his marriage, so why waste your time pining over him? keep dating and you will find a single guy who you can be with

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    Thanks but my question is "do I tell the guy I'm dating that I'm smitten with someone else?" I feel like I'm lying to him by not being honest about that...

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    You are not emotionally available. Why don't you stay single until you work out your obsession with the married man. I don't think it is fair to advertise yourself as available for a relationship, when you really aren't. Unless the man you are dating knows the truth (that you are not emotionally available), you are being somewhat deceptive. He may want to still date you, but if you only want to be friends he should know that to make an informed decision.

  6. Thanks Love'sReject, VincenzoG91 thanked for this post
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    Quote Originally Posted by dem862 View Post
    You are not emotionally available. Why don't you stay single until you work out your obsession with the married man. I don't think it is fair to advertise yourself as available for a relationship, when you really aren't. Unless the man you are dating knows the truth (that you are not emotionally available), you are being somewhat deceptive. He may want to still date you, but if you only want to be friends he should know that to make an informed decision.
    Thanks dem862. You've hit the nail on the head & articulated my situation perfectly. This is great advice, you're absolutely right. Thanks for giving me clarity in a way I've failed to do thus far.

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    Definitely try to get over your married friend. ashley89 has a point. If you say you can't destroy his marriage, why even bother keeping this up? You should be honest with this other guy, though, in the way that you don't feel that much chemistry with him. Let him down easy, and try to offer friendship. Sometimes that's better than just dumping someone off completely. If you keep this up, however, you're going to give this guy signals that it's okay to pursue you...which will hurt him later when he finds out he's not the guy you want to chase.

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    Let the guy you are dating know that there's no chemistry. But I think you shouldn't offer friendship. Being 'just friends' is so cruel to someone who cares for you deeply - it will prevent him from moving on....

    ....which is exactly what is happening with you and the married guy. Because you keep seeing him as a friend, you are unable to get over him. Do yourself a favour and stop seeing him as a friend. If you're part of a mutual group, then be pleasant to him - but don't engage in any personal conversations. Oh, and if you need to explain yourself, it's OK to tell him why you need space.
    Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, forgotten or undone. So, take it as a lesson learned and move on.

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    I was recently in a 3 year relationship that I felt the same way towards the guy. We broke up a week ago. Trust me, its not worth it. If you don't feel chemistry right away, it will only get WORSE! Take some time for yourself, and figure out what you want.

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    You're being incredibly unfair to the man who you are dating. You need to end the relationship with him asap.

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