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17-04-13, 06:16 PM #1
Help - I think im falling out of love with my Boyfriend
i was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice - i think im falling out of love with my boyfriend which is the last thing i want to happen.
I have been with my boyfriend for the last 2 years, and it was instantly love at first sight for both of us, we have had a very intense reltionship and have spent a lot of time together over the last 2 years. everything was going perfectly, and i was head over heels for him, and he too was so good to me - always treating me well (or so i thought) and being so sweet. we have practically spent everyday together over the last 2 years, and i spend half the week with him and half the week i go back home to sleep (but still see him during the evening).
About 6 months ago, I had the shock of my life, when i read a message from someone in his email inbox (he asked me to log in and forward him an email as he didnt have computer access - I didnt hack in by choice!), the message was from his ex, and in the email they were both talking quite affectonately. Curiousity then got the better of me, and i decided to look further into his inbox, the trash. Here i found registration details for various dating / sex sites, and emails he had been sending to various other women. I carried on delving deeper and deeper to get to the bottom of what he had been upto, and I found chats with over 200 women over the time he has been with me - including chats of a very sexual nature. after confronting him about this he admitting to cheating on me with 6 women.
I decided to walk away, but was still in love with him so deeply and after a week decided to give him another chance, as he assured my he would never do anything like this again - i must admit, he has tried everything to put my mind at ease, including getting rid of his iphone so he isnt tempted to go online to chat, and over the last 6 months I am starting to trust that he is faithful to me.
Now the problem I am having is I cant get some of these chats out of my head, especially the very sexual ones as they make me think that my boyfriend is not satisifed with me and has a kinky side to him. He has assured me that the chats were just rubbish and to get these other women aroused. But i cant get over the fact that they might be true, and he indeed is not satisifed with me. To make things worse, I have put on a little weight, and do not feel like the sexy woman i once was - as aresult of all this my libido has completely dropped, and now my boyfriend keeps asking me if im still attracted to him or not.
This morning i woke up with him, and just felt numb, and Im scared im falling out of love with him. I really dont want that to happen, as apart from the cheating (which has noe finished) he is the nicest, kindest guy, and thinks the world of me. Even though i feel fat, he always tells me im sexy and the most beautiful women in the world. i recently turned 30, and he tells me i can still give the 18 year olds a run for their money! he takes me out to nice places, looks after me when im ill, kisses me all the time, hugs me when i cant sleep...everything. i know how much he loves me, and I also do love him - im just concerned that I am no longer in love with him. Any advice would be much appreciated.
17-04-13 06:16 PM # ADSInfobot Registered User
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17-04-13, 11:58 PM #2after confronting him about this he admitting to cheating on me with 6 women.
If you want to stay with a guy just because he takes you to nice places, looks after you when you're ill, kisses you all the time, hugs you when you can't sleep... everything but while doing all that cheats on you with multipe women, then that is your choice. You're a cheap date, for sure.
Frankly, I'm at a loss at to why you wouldn't just find someone that can do all those things for you who doesn't need to screw around on you.
Surely you're not okay with emotional abuse like what he has served you and will continue to serve you unless he gets the therapy he needs to stop being addicted to strange. Surely!
Stop being afraid to be with someone who is NOTHING but bad news for your emotional health in the long run. Surely you were raised better than to accept men like him in your life? No?
Last edited by Wakeup; 18-04-13 at 01:20 AM. Reason: typo“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
18-04-13, 12:40 AM #3
hey Wakeup! thanks for reply -
Part of what you said is true, i am with him for the reasons i have mentioned, because all the things he does shows me how much he loves me. I keep thinking that I will never find anyone who loves me as much as he does (yes he did cheat on me, but im sure that is over now, as he has put in the effort to change - which wasnt easy, and it taken 6 months for me to trust him, but I am sure now that the cheating is finished).
im scared that i am with him, just because he loves me, not because I love him - thats the issue im trying to get my head round.
18-04-13, 12:52 AM #4
Well for goodness sakes...how can anyone in their right mind trust and be able to continue to love someone that would betray them is such a disrespectful manner? Have you gotten yourself tested for sexually transmitted deseases. He didn't even consider your sexual health when he was doing 6 other woman while dong you at the same time.
Did you have a really crappy childhood or something and is that why you don't think you're loveable and that he's the only dawg in the entire city where you live that could possibly love someone like you? You have no respect for yourself to forgive him not one indiscretion but SIX. If you never caught him he'd still be at it? Do you honestly believe he's going to just give that up now that you know? He's just going to hide it better.
Get rid of him and then think about getting some reading done about loving yourself and working on garnering enough self-worth to know that you will find someone better than him. He's driven a wedge right in between any emotional connection you had with him by cheating and its no bloody wonder you think you've fallen out of love with him. Your growing lack of feeling is your gut trying to tell you that you can do better than to stay with an emotionally abusive puke.“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
18-04-13, 01:03 AM #5
He cheated on you with 6....SIX different women. That's an enormous amount to forgive. I don't think you can ever truely trust him. He may love you, but he loves himself more. Him cheating on you so many times proves that.
I don't know how anyone could want to be w/someone like that.
18-04-13, 01:09 AM #6
Yeah you can drop him. Then again you afraid it wont be so easy to find next fool who will love you. The guy must be real handyman if 200 womens are true. Especially theres should be something about him if he can get away with cheating. You should end it he would abuse you or anything. But if hes changed and proved that hes all about you now then you must believe that you are the best of these 200 who means nothing to him. How could someobe be acting for whole 6 months anyway?
You dont really love him that much anymore cause you love yourself less now.Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will
18-04-13, 01:10 AM #7
18-04-13, 01:15 AM #8
Arnold? Who are you talking about, PC?“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
18-04-13, 01:37 AM #9
Arnold SchwarzeneggerDoubt kills more dreams than failure ever will
18-04-13, 02:17 AM #10
What a horrible situation! You poor thing.
As much as you like to think he is over this and no longer cheating, which he might not be, he will eventually.
By the sheer numbers, it sounds like he has an addiction.
And as much as he loves you, he probably won't be able to control himself for long, and he'll just hide it better in future.
You are worth more than this!
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